My Fellow Brothers and Sisters!
I feel compelled out of gratitude and love to write this little tale, not because I have lost my faith, but because i realize I am not alone, and as Heb 10: 24, 25 states: And let us consider one another to incite to love and fine works, 25 not forsaking the gathering of ourselves together, as some have the custom, but encouraging one another, and all the more so as YOU behold the day drawing near.
I have never felt nor would I ever think that that scripture applied solely to meeting atendance. The form of true christian love displayed by many here on this board affirms my faith in Jehovah and lets me know I am not alone!
I also want to clarify that my family life is in full jeopardy with my wife and children, but I cannot and will not subscribe to what men running a corporate conglomorate who by their printed page invalidate the value of the most sacred Ransom sacrifice!! So I write this as a form of therapy for sure, but also to encourage any, and I know there are alot like me because I talk to them every day, to trust in Jehovah God, to know that while there is no excuse for deliberate sin, certainly when we faulter, Jesus will be there to Let Jehovah know we are good enough, and we are all thankful for this arrangement.
I was around witnesses my entire life but neither my Father, nor my Mother are in the truth as both were DF'ed when I was a child. But their families are all in the truth, and so I have known about it my entire life. And I will not lie. I am entirely grateful that Jehovah used this organization to bring to light simple bible truths. But it is these thruths that are also used and exploited to make one feel gratitude and compels you to stay within the concept of unity and "theocracy". So at the age of 16, I was baptized, fully knowing in my heart I was serving Jehovah, but honestly not knowing the magnitude or the true serioussness of giving ones life as our model and exemplar Jesus Christ did to our Great God! At the time my father was not DF'ed and so I moved in with him shortly after I was Baptized and witin a few months he as well was DF'ed.
Now while I was sad, it didn't change my position, but I did notice something very odd. I was a member of the christian congregation, yet no peers my age were allowed to associate with me, should I pass on my Dad's "Bad influence" seeing as I would be in their opinions. (Many Elders spoke to me about their concern and very rarely were my siblings or I invited anywhere!) Thankfully the congregations were changed around and there was an extremely wise Elder who in front of a few of those Elders who moved with us after the changes, stated they were not showing proper chrisitan love. His son and I are excellent friends down to this day! However over the next 2 years I was not associating with JW's as I was labled bad association and made a life changing decision.
I had committed loose conduct with a girl and was not sure what to do. After praying to Jehovah intensely I made the decision to tell the Elders. My dad at this point was extremely opposed (Believe me his story is one you want to know) and told me to never come home if I told the elders. At that point I wept bitterly but felt I was choosing Jehovah and moved out. From that point on I did not see me Dad for another year.
I grew never "maturing" in the congregation as the example of the Bereans permeated my being and prevented me from ever being appointed. I tested everything and had a Brother once comment I test too much. But I could never blindly agree. Why? As I told the brother, those men are imperfect and will make mistakes. They have to. They are imprefect. While they did not like this they could find no fault in this. I met my beautiful wife and we married and over the last 15 years we have grown as a family, but I have never progressed spiritually in the congregation. I cut ties with my Father for 10 of those 15 years as again I felt I was upholding Jehovah's standards. But I am an avid Bible reader and I study the scriptures. And the Disfellowshipping standard always bothered me as the example employed by the WTBTS has been from Corinthians. But that man was a braggart who purposely flaunted his disgraceful relationship. (I know you all know this, like I said this is a little therapy). I came to realize that Paul was speaking of a wicked man. Anyways the crux of my tale...
I have had specific issues over the last 4 years with teachings that contains rules of men and lack in Love, Mercy, Humility... Qualities essential to being blessed by Jehovah! Specifically?
Watchtower 2008, 5/15 pg 27, Article: Pursue “HolinessinGod’sFear”
Now What ever any of us do is between Jehovah and yourself. What floored me was the arrogant assumption shown by the writer and thus the GB:
Although the term “masturbation” does not occur in the Bible, can there be any doubt that it is a mentally and emotionally defiling practice? Would not continued defilement of this sort seriously damage one’s personal relationship with Jehovah and make one unclean in God’s sight?
I was outraged!! 99% of the male population on the earth does this! Chances are 90%+ of the publishers do this. Now I know that may seem weird to say but here is the problem I have. Doing this act at anytime Seriously Damages anyones relationship with Jehovah?!?! What's more how would a young 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, heck even 18 or 19 year feel. All those years you have been damaging your relationship to Jehovah God!! The Ransom is useless because anyone who did this has damaged their relationship beyond repair it seemed. And as the year progressed I continued to see that more and more these men are looking for Perfection. But this is important as I will let you all understand.
Now the paragraph that changed my life! Keep Yourselves in God's Love book, Chp 14 Be Honest in all Things
“If any man seems to himself to be a formal worshiper and yet does not bridle his tongue, but goes on deceiving his own heart, this man’s form of worship is futile.” (James 1:26) If we were to reason that we could misuse our tongue and still worship Jehovah acceptably, we would succeed only in deceiving our own heart. Our worship of Jehovah would be futile, an utter waste. What can keep us from such a sad course?
First off that scripture is not talking about a deceptive tongue, but one that is loose, or murmuring or spreading rumours. It could also apply to one who does not know when to be silent. Either way the scripture was for the umpteenth time misapplied. But I highlighted the one passage specifically because no one can tell me or anyone their relationship and worship of Jehovah God is Futile or an utter waste. Only Jesus can do so to Jehovah.
Now why was this significant? My oldest child called me while I was on the road and confessed that he had succumbed to "self indulgence". He was devastated as he explained to me, his worship to Jehovah was futile, he damaged his relationship! He was quoting these two paragraphs very specifically. I cried with him and let him know it was not the case. I assured him the Ransom was there to cover these episodes.
Needless to say I was done. I prayed to Jehovah and let him know I could no longer hear his name and reputation slandered in such a way. I have rekindled my relationship with my real father as well as he is not a wicked man! He does love Jehovah, but he like others fell to Elders who were on a witchhunt, one specifically because his wife found him attractive, so that was enough to DF him. Of course the best part was in the meeting the DO, not the CO but the DO was brought in and asked my father, holding and shaking a WT, if my Dad believed in "this"? My Dad's response? He calmly picked up his bible and said, "Brothers, do you believe in this?"
Sadly my wife has threatened to leave me over this. It is something I have to deal with, so I may still go to the odd meeting once and a while for my family and sons sakes, but certainly as the family head our study of the Bible will be of just that!!
This is a late night quick synopsis as there is so much more, but I had to atleast get this down and shared with others. Why? I do not believe these men are evil as so many portray them. But when the Ransom sacrifice, the basis for any relationship with Jehovah God and his King Jesus, is meaningless unless we attempt perfection, we become like all organized religion. And that is what baylon the great truly is... Not just False religion but All organized religion!!
For those who read this, I know it is nothing new, but for those who can see it for what it is, get out of her!! Time preaching is not a demonstration of faith! Faith is demonstrated by the works of our lives like Jesus said and the apostle Paul admonshed at James 1: 27: The form of worship that is clean and undefiled from the standpoint of our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their tribulation, and to keep oneself without spot from the world.
Never forget this scripture as it is the true basis with Jesus Sermon that shows what a true christian should do!
Thanks and I look forward to posting more and more!!