She finds that I ought to stand up for what I believe in if I'm so sure about it, and that she will know if I just go along with the charade when I don't believe in it at all. It's a great irony, as she's supposed to be the one loyal to the organization, yet she tells me to stand up for what I believe in, even though it's clearly apostasy.
She is under the delusion that the elders are there to help you. She thinks that by your being honest they'll be understanding.
As long as you kiss their ass, they will be helpful. They'll help you go out in service, they'll help you to be included at the meetings, they'll even study with you...in short, they'll help you obey the organization. But show any independance and you are absolutely correct...they'll question your loyalty to the bOrg and any answer to the negative will get you a quick kick out the door.
I think it will be good for her to be present to see how this unfolds. As you stand up for what you believe and she witnesses the sheparding turn into an inquisition, maybe it will jolt her to see the ugly side that you've been trying to get her to see.
One small piece of advice from someone who has been there...if you don't mind...even though you've done your research and you're equipped to go toe to toe with any elder on any subject, just stick to one or two subjects. Don't try to cover every scandal, every error, ever f'd up doctrine. Pick one or two that are most distressing to you and stick to it. But be prepared, the elder will probably try to deflect the argument time and again. Once cornered, they fight to get to any area where they feel comfortable and can fight back from. Don't let them do it. Stick to the subject that you want to discuss.