Did you suffer from panic attacks in the borg? (page 3)

cskyjw.sun

there is no solution to panic attack i chose medication.

I had them BIG TIME. Especially at SAD's, CA's and DA's. They always brought up something that gave me anxiety and the large crowd just intensified it. I ended up at the nurse's station--which didn't have anyone professional---because I was absolutely melting down. They just looked at me and gave me a seat.

For 20 years I took anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. Since I've left I'm off of all the meds. I went back to college, had to give public speeches, dealt with life threatening illnesses and serious economic concerns brought on by the illnesss and the only panic attack I've had was when I attempted an MRI. It's common for people to panic during MRI's, so I don't view that as pathological.

The borg induces large amounts of guilt, and for me that means anxiety and panic. I can't believe how well I handle life now that I'm not forced to pick apart every thought and action and worry that I am disaproved by God. I didn't have my first panic attack until after I was baptized. That's also when the anti-depressants started.

The difficult part was that I couldn't open up and tell the doctors what my real problem was because I feared bring reproach on the org. Had I opened up I would have told them that I worry constantly about committing the unforgiveable sin and that I was terrified I had already committed it! I was tired and worn out from my demanding family life, work, and spiritual demands including going to strangers doors to talk about God. And even after doing all that, I was still made to feel I had not done enough and would be destroyed if I didn't do more.

Leaving the org was like a long hot relaxing bath! I still have anxiety but it is totally manageable and passes quickly.

NC

sizemik

I must have been suffering from ever-growing depressive problems and didn't know it . . . eventually I got hit by panic that lasted a full 3 months . . . hit me like a freight train . . . and hastened my exit.

NewChapter

It's a terrible feeling Size! I hope you're feeling better. People often describe panic attacks as short-lived, but I would pace my home all night worrying beyond comprehension. I can say I was pretty much insane. I became so hyper-sensitive, that one time my finger got caught in a door and I instinctively popped it in my mouth, but it was bleeding! Would you believe I panicked on the spot and thought I had violated the prohibition on blood? Maybe they don't teach it that way, but the atmosphere was really unhealthy and magnified everything.

NC

sizemik

Yeah NC . . . I used to hide in the closet when the phone rang . . . would be afraid to lift my head off the pillow in case someone spotted me through the window . . . was convinced every day that one of my children would die . . . nobody can live like that for long.

designs

I couldn't give talks anymore. Once you leave that situation you repair internally.

NewChapter

Sizemik, irrational fear attached to your children's well being is absolutely the worst of the worst! I'm so glad you are here and not there. I hope it has eased up for you.

NC

NewChapter

Hey designs--maybe that was a good thing. But seriously, when I was in I was terrified of public speaking and being judged. I only spoke in the mic twice and still shudder when I think about it. After I left, I went back to college and had to do presentations. I couldn't believe the change in me! I actually went all out and let my creativity flow. I added music and creative writing and endeavored not to commit the sin of being boring. Then just before it was due, I freaked a little bit. What was I doing??? I can't talk in front of groups! And I'm putting my writing out there and actually getting a bit dramatic??? Insane. But I did it. My prof told me she'd never seen anything like it. She loved it and still refers to it. That is the difference between telling someone what is wrong about them all the time and telling them what is right.

The next assignment came up and I went all out again. It was an emotional subject and I made some of the audience teary-eyed. That almost made me freak out again, but I pushed forward and got a similar response from my prof as my first presentation. I really like myself a lot better now that I am free. Everyday I discover something new about myself because I'm surrounded by people that believe in me instead of people checking to see if I'm stumbling. Every day I feel calmer and surer.

NC

Did you suffer from panic attacks in the borg?

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