I couldn't resist posting this good story from Cynthia Hampton. Up at:
http://www.freeminds.org/sociology/women/my-aunt-s-funeral-at-the-kingdom-hall.html
Randy
My Aunt Lucy passed away after being diagnosed as terminal from cancer, heart disease, and kidney problems. She died on January 27th; her funeral was Saturday, February 6, 2010. It was my first time in a Kingdom Hall in 30 years.
Aunt Lucy was 78 years old and had been a Jehovah's Witness for nearly 40 years. She followed my mother into the Watchtower when my mother joined 40 years ago. None of the other siblings in their family joined the Watchtower; it became my mother, Aunt Lucy and our families "against the world". The rest of the family thought they were crazy. When my mother joined up, my sister, brother and I became JW's, brainwashed into believing that the Watchtower was the only way to God and was the "truth". Another female cousin who came to live with us also became JW. My aunt's children, my cousins were forced into "studying" as well. The two older boys became brainwashed, just as I was, but the youngest cousin, also a boy, did not. He never believed in it and when he turned 18 years old, he left home to join the Army, and eventually retired from the Army. His father, my Uncle Jimmy who is a former Marine (once a Marine, always a Marine, Semper Fi), would not join either. But he loved my Aunt and put up with all of this craziness. They were married for 55 years. He was a good father and a wonderful husband despite having to put up with the JW elements.
Our families had been very close at one time. I was very close to my three cousins, especially the eldest because he is my age and we were in the same grade at school and we even attended the same high school together. My younger cousin, the #2 boy was great friends with my younger brother, as they were the same age also. The #3 son, the one who did not join the WT, was great friends with my younger sister even though he was two years older than she is. We were just a very close family together. My father and my uncle were both fireman, which brought much camaraderie between them. They both loved the fire department and loved being fireman. We often took vacations together, camping, fishing, and when we became JW's, my father and uncle joined us to combine the summer trip to the district conventions to make a vacation out of it. I'll have to say that they were pretty good sports about it all. I loved my family and very much loved this aunt, uncle and cousins.
I left the WT in 1980 by disassociating myself. I was not disfellowshipped, but apparently "quitting" is not allowed. It seems like they are even more angry with a former JW for voluntarily quitting and not being disfellowshipped. At first, I wasn't shunned, but after the crackdown in 1981, my JW family members began to shun me and behave as though I were the scum of the earth. My female cousin who had been part of our family would literally turn her back if she saw me and made sure that if I were in the same room as she was, she would make sure that her back was turned so she didn't have to look at me.
I thank God that I still had non JW relatives I could go to for support, because everyone whom I was closest to, treated me if I were used toilet paper. The shunning really hurt me and affected me for years to come. Has anyone ever seen the video "The Witness Goes Out"? The video shows a character named, "Sister Beagle", who is a staunch Jehovah's Witness, reporting every little thing that goes on in order to keep "Jehovah's organization" clean and to protect it. Well, that was my Aunt Lucy, she was just like that, a very, very, fanatical JW. She was just as fanatical about shunning me as well.
I think she did soften somewhat after her middle son died of leukemia at age 39. As a JW and as an elder, he refused all blood transfusions and died six weeks after he was diagnosed.
I've had very little contact with the JW side of the family until just recently. My mother has softened somewhat and in October 2008 I went to take care of her following breast cancer surgery. At that time, I saw my aunt; she was already suffering the effects of Alzheimer's Disease and forgot all about shunning me. Instead, she embraced me. It was to be my last memory of her.
As her funeral was being planned, there was controversy as to whether or not I would be allowed inside the Kingdom Hall. According to my brother (and I don't know under whose authority he was making this proclamation), I was not going to be allowed inside the KH for the funeral. He told this to my cousin, (the eldest of that family) who relayed this to my sister. I don't know whether he was just trying to be manipulative or just plain mean. My brother is the meanest and most self righteous JW of all.
My husband Dave decided that we would both go together. I wanted to attend the funeral and he said if they tried to lay a hand on me, then they would have to go through him first. It would have been totally out of line for them to do that because my uncle was never a JW. He was only carrying out my aunt's wishes to have a KH funeral.
Dave has never been to a KH in his life. He has been a Christian all of his life and only learned about what JW's believe because of me.
There were plenty of non JW's at the funeral. Can you imagine what it would have looked like if they had tried to "manhandle" me in front of all the "worldly people" ("worldly" is the JW term for those who are not JWs) there? All the non JW relatives were there from both my uncle's side of the family and my aunt's side of the family. There were retired firemen who know my uncle and my father. There were neighbors and other friends of the family who weren't JW's. All my non JW relatives would have stood firm with me if the elders, my brother or any JW had tried to lay a hand on me to take me out.
It turns out, my brother didn't have the guts to do it. In fact, he left after the funeral and went home with his wife. He didn't even attend the family gathering afterward on the premise that his stepchildren had colds. If he really wanted to attend, his wife could have stayed home with the kids and he could have attended the the post funeral family gathering. But he skipped out on it.
My husband and I entered the KH together and we went to sit with my sister (who had been DF'd in 1980, she's been out for 30 years just like me) and her husband. There were lots of non JW relatives in the rows ahead of us.
We did not bow our heads during their prayer. We did not say "amen" either. Dave said that he never heard so much Biblical heresy in his whole life. Hardly a word about my aunt and her life. It was all about my aunt's devotion to the WT organization and how zealous she was. But we know how their funerals are nothing but recruiting sessions. We just sat through it quietly. After all, we were there to support my uncle, cousin and other relatives who loved Lucy. We were paying our last respects.
The zinger was that "Kingdom song" at the end. It was just ugly, terrible melody and I don't know how anyone can sing that kind of song. Hearing that song was as lovely as hearing someone scratch their fingernails across a chalkboard.
After we were all dismissed, I heard someone calling my name. I turned around and it was the lady who actually "studied" with my mother and brought her into the organization. I couldn't believe that she and her daughter were actually trying to be friendly. She had been sitting a couple rows behind me. I recognized her right away and she told me that she was glad I was there and was glad to see me. She was also seated next to her daughter in law, who when she recognized me looked at me with a contorted face and rolled her eyes. The DIL looked at her husband (this lady's son) and he looked disgusted and walked away. They behaved as though they had looked at a discarded, used tampon.
There were JW's there that I must have known long ago, but I didn't recognize them. They don't matter any more to me. And if they shunned me, I didn't notice. The only JW's I really knew are the relatives who are still JW's.
I went to the front row to hug my Uncle Jimmy. On the way to see him, I saw my eldest cousin. I said hello to him and introduced him to my husband. He actually shook my hand and was nice. I couldn't believe he was nice. I would have thought that he would pretend I was invisible, but he didn't. He was polite.
The family gathering following was a nice time with family. I didn't pay any attention to the JW's. I pretended that THEY were invisible. Smile emoticon We sat with my parents, my sister and her husband and a few other relatives. This was a time for me to interact with all of my (non JW) relatives, as they were all in one place at the same time. As they get older and eventually pass away, I have learned to cherish these times. It's not just older relatives who have died. There have been several younger cousins who have passed away. We never know when the "end" is coming for any of us.
All in all, things went very well. I was not looking forward to the Kingdom Hall and being with a bunch of rabid JW's. But I do feel like God protected me, closed my eyes to much of them; everything at the KH was like water off a duck's back. I felt totally immune to their diseases. I'm very glad that I went now. Before I left, I told my Uncle Jim that he was a very good husband and father for all those years and that he always did the right thing by the family no matter what. It's true, he is a very good man and he put up with a lot concerning the JW's. No matter what happened, he was always very kind to all of the JW's, kind to Aunt Lucy and the best father to his kids. He was the one who showed the most Christianity in his family.
Cynthia Hampton
http://www.exjwslosangeles.org