What would the Service Committee write? Here's a sample. (some humor attempted, but the overall flow would be as follows, since I was a SEC... this is how I would have written it...)
(on 2nd thought, a more serious answer is forthcoming.... I feel parody running through my veins....)
Dear Butt Munchers of the Serv Dept
Recently 2 elders who were not assigned visited an inactive couple baptized in 1974, who went inactive in 1981, reactivated in 1994, only to go inactive later after the generation teaching changed that year.
We have counseled these 2 elders for not following our local Service Committees arrangements for shepherding. Their recommended deletions are in a separate letter in this box we shipped Fed Ex. We are happy to report that we have met our quota of disfellowshipping three 15 year olds for admitting they masturbated.
In any case, we have a question about the on again off again couple the 2 idiot elders visited. When visited, they expressed deep doubts that this was gods organization. They specifically mentioned 1975, and all the changes in the meaning of the term "generation" since 1995, and wondered what that did to the teaching of 1914 as being significant.
We would like to disfellowship them as well, but wondered since they haven't been in a KH for 16 years now, are we allowed?
We are also positive that they must be sharing in some secret sin, like enjoying oral pleasure off each other. (gross!!) But we have no proof. We would like to ask (interrogate) a lot of questions, in order that Jehovah's clean organization can be freed of the filth that is their stenchy old publisher record cards that are always in the back of the file, making our statistics look bad for every CO's visit.
Please be assured that even if Jehovah were to change his name to Drago, we would always follow the Governing Body to the ends of the earth, or failing that, rural New York State.
Your brothers
The Service Committee That Kisses Butt Best