well it has been some 10 months since i last posted here,i feel that i should post more of my experience but in all honesty i cannot,it was a terrible time being one of jehovahs witness and having a mother like that just made the whole miserable experience worse.
In the last year a lot has changed,i had a very low point with y depression and was close to total breakdown when i found myself at the local vicars house,Rev Moorsom was very kind and we talked for a longwhile,soon afterwards i began attending the local anglican church,it was all a bit strange at first things were very different to the kingdom hall,i was a bit scared that i would be asking for some kind of retribution from jehovah for going to the church after all all my life i had been told about the evils of babylon the great! as i attended more and talked to real christians i had a real enlightening,i saw the real truth,i realised that the god of the jehovahs witness wasnt the God of the bible and true christianity,the true God wasnt vengefull and full of hate,for years we had scoffed at the churches use of the verse 'God is love' but now it really made sense .
All of a sudden i was free of the witness teachings,free of the guilt and self hate that had been engrained into me for most of my life.I learned about Grace,and how whatever we do we wont earn everlasting life or a ticket to heaven ,it was a free gift from God an assured to all men .I cannot put into words the feeling of relief and freedom this was,when the witness' talk of 'you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free' they really dont know how far off theyre mis-interpritation is they are not free,i now am a freeman ,i still feel guilt when i sin but its different now i dont beat myself up over it.
Earlier this year i began in effect what was a bible study with the vicar and set about learning more about the god of love,so many thngs that i had been taught were 'truths' were becoming obvious were nowt short of lies,i began to understand real love and the real God i had never known.
The vicar had a poster on the wall and it was about salvation,it was very modern art in appearance,but looking at it opened another door of understanding,i wont bore you with the details but i then knew that images werent realy idolatory but a way of telling truth beyond words,the jw's shun all idolatory but they dont realise that the statues and icons arent really worshipped they are a gateway to God .
The trinity i thaught might be a hard one with the ideas i was indoctrinated with by the jw cult,but even the trinity made sense now 3 in 1,three entities in common purpose.
I found it hard to stop calling God jehovah but as time has gone on i use the name les and less in prayer,there is only 1 God and he knows my prayers are to him.
My family and I all attended the church for a furthur time period,earlier this year my wife and i both undertook a study course with a view of baptism and confirmation in the Anglican church,and on the 31st of October this year we we were both baptised and confirmed by the bishop of Ramsbury at Salisbury cathedral.
The actual baptism was not full immersion as i had experienced in the jw cult,it was just a dunking of the head under water,after which i fealt very different,then on to the confirmation by the bishop ,at this point things became so very different,i fealt good,i had worries still about life but they were no longer the be all and end all , i now knew the love of the true God,it went from knowing in my head to knowing in my heart,some would call it born again,in a sence it is but not in the way we all hate with those annoying perma-grin christians!
As i sit here this evening i can tell you all that all the past ,the jw cult my abusive mother and all the guilt and self hate are history,what they did to me does matter and allways will but i am now above the hate,i understand christs words on the cross 'forgive them father for they do not know what they do' i feel sorry for the jw's i wish i could help them all see the real truth,and as regards my mother,well for a while now ,almost 9 years since she died i fealt cheated ,that she had got away with what she did to me ,but now i am starting to forgive her,i feal no hate for her i feel sorry for the poor woman,the jw cult ensnared a mentally ill woman and used and abused her,took her worldly goods when she died and didnt even give her a funeral.
Rest in peace mother, Charmaine Dianne Winnifred Sanford,known to many as Ann Sanford. i pray for you.
To those of you that havent left yet due to the pressures of your families,dont hang in there,free yourself and maybe,just maybe your example will bring the family members round to seeing the truth too,
To those who left the cult and still believe the belifs we were all taught,i tell you this:you were fooled by a very clever organisation,ditch the NWT bible and get a real one that has not been messed with to fit evil teachings,read Gods word the bible daily. learn of Gods grace and so lose the guilt and self hate. It takes a long while to become indoctrinated by the witnesses it can take as long to realise it for what it is: lies and manipulation.
remember this, Jesus said love your neighbour and God not all the stuff the wittness cult loaded on us.
I am not a madman in taking up newfound religion ,there is a God and he is waiting for YOU.
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