Flower, I understand. I've just read CofC last week and am now in the middle of ISOCF (after letting them sit for about three days to see if they would grow horns and the earth open and swallow me up- you know what I mean.). Actually I already had a feeling as to what I would find, but it has proved to be of some comfort and validation. Being born in as a 3rd gen. it is a roller coaster and I myself wonder "Is this REAL?" and could I have been so wrong?...very disorienting.
how do you stop crying......
by flower 25 Replies latest jw experiences
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Belligerent Paladin
I never did cry, I just couldn't sleep for a while. That was before I read Crisis of Conscience or In Search of Christian Freedom. Although not officially "out" yet, I have detached myself spiritually and emotionally from the Organization.
What everyone is saying here is oh so true. It takes a while, but it does get better. I first started questioning the teachings in October of 1999 and continued as a Ministerial Servant into March of 2000. A couple of good books to read are Combatting Cult Mind Control and Releasing the Bonds by Steve Hassan. (former Moonie, now exit counsellor)
One thing that helps out is to take the good things with you. You can always take something beneficial from your experience and, in time, help others out. Not everything I experienced while a Witness was bad; I actually enjoyed a lot of it. The feeling of betrayal, disillusionment, and the stress that goes along with all finding the truth about "The Truth" is the real kicker, though.
I will keep you in my prayers.
-Belligerent Paladin
"Ye shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall make thee angry."
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rhett
Hey Borgfree, any chance you're near Evansville, IN?
I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven. -
borgfree
Hi Rhett,
I think Evansville is about 3 or 4 hours from here. I live in Ohio just a little east of the Indiana line. I grew up in the Richmond, Indiana congregation. Was in Indianapolis and Chicago for a few years a long time ago.
Borgfree
"Without knowledge there can be no genuine faith--only superstition on the one hand or speculation on the other" Robert Banks
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flower
Thanks so much all of you. I think all those years of being miserable will be worth it when I get past all of these scary, painful feelings. I really do feel relieved about all this because I now have answers to questions I've prayed about so many times. Like why I am different from everyone else, why was I even born to live a life like this, why cant i measure up, ect ect. Now I know it was because this whole org was and is not Gods org at all. Its freeing to know that I am not a freak and that I can and will be normal and happy one day. Its hard and sad and scary and painful but its also a relief to finally have answers. I think God was answering my prayers all along and led me here.
flower
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refiners fire
Anger. You want to slash the org up. Kill it.
Thats good.
feel that way, like I said before, being angry at them is better than hating yourself.Hating yourself is not what you need right now Flower.
I read a book a long time ago about a cult here in Australia called "TT". In the cult there was a man called Fletcher Denniston, the guilt and self hate the cult induced in Fletcher Denniston was shocking. Far worse than how anybody here in this site feels.
All these cults are the same, just some are worse than others. More extreme.JWs is by no means the worst, but I confess I know MANY ex Witnesses who are severely damaged people. Drug addicts. Mental cases. Im not 100 percent well myself, and need medication to stay balanced. See? Welcome to the reality. Do you want to go back? Submit yourself to years more of misery, selfhate and slavery?
If not, you must go forward. There is no option.
Look how many people you got on this site who are pulling for you. Love you. And support you. Good aint it?
Make contact with some dudes who are close to you. Where are you? Texas isnt it? Post on the main board, asking for people in your area to reveal themselves.Most likely theres even 6 or 7 whod be happy to go out socializing with you and whoop it up on the town.