I would have liked it if someone came to talk to me. I try to talk to them, when I see them in public, but they just won't talk back. When they see me they turn and walk away without saying a word. I've tried to call some "friends" but they'll hang up as soon as they hear my voice. Even my own brother. In a way, it makes me feel very powerful. They must think that hearing a few words out of my mouth will shatter their faith.
So.....do you or don't you want them to come after you?
by Quillsky 24 Replies latest jw friends
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chigaimasmaro
I want them to come after me, but I dont want to just hear the same thing, "keeping up service, making meetings." Those things dont solve problems, its that kind of counsel that continually pushes me away from the organization and my family.
I'd love to just sit an elder down and just talk to him honestly, doubts and all, same with my older brother, but I know, instead of coming from the perspective of just being a loving human or family member, they are going to use the organizationally approved version of "love" and its what drives me away from them. You are expecting to see that Christ-like LOVE that you heard so much about when you want to talk with them, but you dont get that, you hear how you not being spiritually productive enough and coming to the meetings and preaching will fix all that.
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jaguarbass
When I left I didnt want anyone to come after me. I left in 83. I didnt answer my phone, or door,
I told my JW family never to talk to me as a JW again. I made myself unaccesable.
I quit and I didnt want anyone nagging me about it.
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Broken Promises
I grew up in The Lie, I was a 3 rd gen JW. All my life I’d been indoctrinated that “God is love” and that the elders cared about us likewise. So I naively thought that when I started to have “spiritual problems” ie. Doubts about the organization, the elders would lovingly help me, as would other “friends” I had in the congregation.
How wrong was I?
When I started to miss meetings, any social invites dried up too. People would be friendly, but kept at a distance especially when I stopped going out in service. It hurt and puzzled me – wouldn’t it be more loving to want to help a person in trouble, rather than just leave them to their own devices, possibly watching them drown in “Satan’s system”?
One encounter helped show me the “love” they had. I was visiting a JW’s house and another JW was there, a pioneer sister from the same congregation. She made some comment like “We’ve been missing you at the meetings” – more like a statement than a loving query into my well-being. I replied “you know where I live, you can always visit me.” “Well, I’d leave that up to the elders.”
Her comments stunned me. She wasn’t really interested in me, her fellow sister in the faith! As well, she was a pioneer and unless she could have counted her hours, there was no incentive for her to visit me. So it was easier to just load everything on the elders’ shoulders. Also, it gave me the impression that I was being judged, but judged for what? Even though I wasn’t an active witness anymore, I hadn’t done anything wrong. So why judge an innocent person? It didn’t make sense.
The only contact I received after that was from the elders. I had one session with two of them, where I expressed my concerns about what was going on in the congregation, but their “advice” was hollow and unhelpful.
Then one night I received a phone call from an elder. I rarely had had any contact with him even as an active witness so it had to be for something official. He and the other elders wanted to meet with me as soon as possible. Fortunately I had family visiting from out of town so I told them it wasn’t convenient. He insisted on meeting with me as soon as possible. I politely but firmly said it wasn’t convenient and I would call him back when I had the time to meet with them. I could tell by his tone of voice that he didn’t like me telling HIM what to do, and I’m sure he could tell by my tone of voice that I meant what I said. By this stage I had realised the “loving” elders were wolves in sheep’s clothing and there was no reason for me to meet with them.
Anyway, the point of this long saga is that many of us get disillusioned when we don’t receive contact from our so-called “friends” but when the contact becomes judgemental then we don’t want anything to do with them.
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Quillsky
I think what I've learned from all the responses after starting this thread is that most people feel .... No, I would not want them to try and drag me back ... , but Yes, I would want some acknowledgement of what I contributed to their lives..
However it doesn't work like that in a cult, does it?