by highdose 14 Replies latest jw friends
"Interesting that several here would not mention to their Counselors that they were JWs."
I could not believe my JW wife when she questioned why I would mention to my therapist that I was a JW and that I was brought up as a JW. She felt that by doing so I was bringing "reproach upon Jehovah." Here was a professional who needed to know this, who I was paying to receive professional help and who was there to help me and yet I was supposed to keep this hidden from him!
HQ
I can't say I ever experienced self hatred, but I definitely experienced self disrespect. When I'd meet non JW's, I was always hesitant to identify myself as a JW. I used to rationalize that by telling myself I wanted them to get to know me better before telling them because of all of the prejudices about witnesses. What was really going on is that I knew I was in a weird religion. We can only lie to ourselves for so long and that's where the self disrespect comes in. There was always a fringe of my brain that knew I needed to get out but I constantly pushed it down. When that need got stronger, I'd bury myself in the literature and meetings - and getting all judgey about others who weren't buried in the literature and meetings. I'd snap out of that and the cycle would start again...
Designs - it was tough for me to mention to my counselor that i was a JW, because to me, i didnt want to bring any disrespect to the organization. Fortunately, before my first I got in touch with my sister who told me to mention it because it would help immensly. Which it did... but i understand why people don't say which religious organization they are affliated with.
I experienced a lot of self-esteem issues, not really self-hatred. There were so many contradictory messages going on, that I was confused as to what or how i was doing and when i would see the numbers other people put in at preaching and stuff, i just felt that i could never measure up. On the one hand they say, dont measure yourself up to anyone, but then they bring up people to interview about how they are pioneering like crazy and then the speaker will say "See, be like THIS person." I was a great reader, but terrible at giving talks, so i didnt "progress" as fast as the good speakers who were given other assignments. Especially when i was younger, because of physical ailments, i couldnt preach as much, but i would STILL get counseled that since i was young, I should be preaching more. The standard was SO high, and my self-esteem took a beaten a lot.
Its funny, how other people joyous say "Hey, I'm Catholic" or "I believe in the rat demon god Guido." Yet Witnesses cant be that out spoken because you have to provide answer to so many of the questionable teachings and standards that you hold yourself up against. I know many times when i had to explain my beliefs, i felt like an idiot , cause most of them wouldnt sound right, so i would have to do what Poopsiecakes did, buried myself in the literature and meetings.
What Streets76 said. It does eventually go away.
Had tonnes of it.
I was advised by my doctor to see a counsellor when I was being treated for depression but knew that being a witless was the reason why i was depressed.
