Newbie Here

by bluegirl78 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • bluegirl78
    bluegirl78

    Hi everyone, another newbie here. I've been lurking on this site for over 2 weeks now - love it! The more I read the more ignorant I feel, but I'm learning... I've posted a few responses to others, and would like to say a big thank you to those who have already welcomed me. I've been trying really hard to get an intro. put together, but with a 7-month-old at home it's hard to write two coherent sentences, let alone anything more complicated! Anyway, I was raised as a JW mostly by my mom, as my dad has only really been involved again in the last few years. I guess my doubts about the religion must have gotten started at a pretty young age, since I can remember wondering why my grandparents (who were kind, decent people) would be destroyed in Armageddon simply because they made the mistake of choosing the "wrong" religion. My dad was probably what you'd call a fader (he had been baptized, but never regularly attended meetings), so my family was definitely not as strict as the average JW family. For example, my dad strongly encouraged my sister and I to do well in school so that we could eventually go on to college, and we were allowed to have "worldly" friends over occasionally. In high school I went through a period where I was a firm believer that this religion was the "truth", that armageddon really was just around the corner, and so I was duly baptized at the age of fifteen.

    I really started fading away once I made the decision to go to college, and it was about a year or so into college that I got in trouble for dating someone outside of the "truth". One of the elders had seen us having lunch together at the local McDonald's of all places, haha. Since dating in general was strongly discouraged in our small congregation, and especially dating a worldly person, I was really in the hot seat... (Honestly, I'm not sure how any of the witnesses ever manage to get married - how in the heck do you know you're compatible without spending time together?) Anyway, I was publicly reproved rather than disfellowshipped mainly due to the efforts of my dad who spoke with the elders about how he had "failed" me by not being a good example throughout the years, etc. As for me, I had to meet twice with two of the elders, which started out okay and then quickly degenerated into what seemed more like sexual harrassment than loving guidance... So while I was grateful not to be disfellowshipped at the time, I was so traumatized by the "interrogation" I was put through by one elder in particular that I pretty much stopped attending meetings completely. Basically that was the catalyst I needed to see the religion for what it really is, and to get me out of there. This all happened well over 10 years ago now, and I only recently started looking into the possibility of going back after my son was born. Yeah, going back - crazy, huh? I've pretty much avoided all religion as much as possible since I knew I didn't want to go back to the witnesses, and I grew up hearing about how evil Christendom is... My parents still witness to me every chance they get over the phone, and my mom mails me Watchtower and Awake magazines when she sees something she thinks I really need to read, so it's hard to completely get away. I'm pretty much starting from square one with doing my own research, and I'd really appreciate it if anyone has any suggestions for where a newbie should begin - recommended readings, etc. Thanks so much for your input!!

  • cofty
    cofty

    Hi Bluegirl78 glad you found your way here. I think almost everybody who has left the Watchtower would agree that going back would be negative move. For many it is having children that is a motivation to get out and allow them to grow up with freedom from the high control of the organisation.

    If you have not already read it you may enjoy Ray Franz' book "Crisis of Conscience", it will give you some honest insight into how the organisation works at the highest level. Personally I got involved in religion quite heavily after leaving. In retrospect I am much happier now with no religion in my life at all. Take your time, dont be rushed into doing anything. Especially dont be pressured by lies about "end times" that is all a delusion. There are lots of resources available online so you can investigate for your self.

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    Welcome bluegirl78! Your experience sounds a lot like mine. While I was growing up, my Dad wasn't much interested in anything religious. It was my Mom who was getting us kids to study the JW stuff. So there was somewhat of a balanced view on life. That was over 30 years ago. The fairly recent trend towards increasingly pushing the unquestioning obedience to the Governing Body/Faithful and Discreet Slave has cult written all over it. Fanaticism arrived in our family after my Dad got baptized (1986). We kids were all grown up and moved out by then.

    I think many people are searching for their Spirituality. We are searching for something that is missing in our lives. I don't think it is crazy you contemplated going back, however, you were wise to listen to yourself about your doubts and to do your research.

    There are many good books available. I read "Crisis of Conscience" by Ray Franz to help me understand more about what I had suspected all those years ago about the JWs. I learned a lot that I never knew about JWs and the Watchtower. Internet sites such as www.jwfacts.com and www.freeminds.org and YouTube were helpful to me. Steve Hassan is a mind-control expert and cult exit counsellor. His site is www.freedomofmind.com. He has 2 books which are good in helping to break the mind-control and they are "Combatting Cult Mind Control" and "Releasing the Bonds".

    I am a huge advocate of Stephen Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and "First Things First". Back when my Mom was still alive I gave her the 7 Habits book to read. Her reaction to it was one of anger. That surprised me a lot. I enjoyed Dr. Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages" and am presently reading "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle and "In Search of Christian Freedom" by Ray Franz. I have also started reading some of The Tao.

    I like what Stephen Covey says here (from "First Things First" pgs 44 and 45) : "There are certain things that are fundamental to human fulfillment. If these basic needs are not met, we feel empty, incomplete. ... The essence of these needs is captured in the phrase 'to live, to love, to learn, and to leave a legacy.' The need to live is our physical need for such things as food, clothing, shelter, economic well-being, health. The need to love is our social need to relate to other people, to belong, to love, to be loved. The need to learn is our mental need to develop and to grow. And the need to leave a legacy is our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence, and contribution."

    What I have learned is that the WTS stymies these needs. They try to define for their members what their members' needs are and should be. This is not something someone else can do for you. By doing so, the WTS kills motivation, desire, creativity, and growth of the human spirit. The WTS does not embrace True North Principles.

    I look forward to your input here on JWN. Best of luck to you in your life's journey.

  • wobble
    wobble

    Welcome Bluegirl78 !

    Really good to have you not just with us, but posting on here.

    Your 7 month old, boy or girl ? Give the treasure a big smakerooney kiss from all on JWN.

    Warm welcome again,

    Love.

    Wobble

  • skywho
    skywho

    I really hope you make a well educated decision before returning. Heaven's library list is AWESOME! I'm still new to all the stuff I've been learning too. It hit me like a ton of bricks when my mind was opened (not to long ago at all), and i have been reading almost everything i can get my hands on. One of the books i have found helpful is "Kingdom of the Cults" LOTS of information with great References if you wish to look anything up farther or want to make sure its fact. "Understanding the Cults" is nice 'cause its a easier Read. but it gives you an outsiders point of view. "The Joy of Sects"has a very small part about JWs but its funny. but on that note its not hard to find Jehovah's Witnesses in a book about Cults or Sects. so it might be fun to just to go in to a old used book store and take a look around its interesting how much is out there....but " Crisis of Conscience" is the best place to start.

  • bluegirl78
    bluegirl78

    Thanks for the suggestions everyone! It sounds like Crisis of Conscience might be a great starting point.

    Heaven, someone else also recently recommended 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to me, so I'll definitely want to check into that. Also, thanks so much for the links, and I wanted to mention that I've been enjoying all of your insightful comments here on JWN.

    Wobble, he's a 7 month old boy who keeps mommy very busy.

    Skywho, it's really nice to hear from another newbie. I'm definitely interested in reading Kingdom of the Cults, since I never thought of the witnesses as a true "cult" before I started researching the subject.

    I'm very, very glad I found this site, and would never seriously consider going back at this point, so thanks again for the warm welcome.

  • dissed
    dissed

    Hey there Bluegirl78, welcome aboard.

    Wanted to mention as well the search feature on this site. Pick a topic, any question you might have and probably its been discussed thoroughly with documentation.

    My nephew and his wife made the decision not to attend anymore because of their two children. They could have faked it and did for several years, but decided for the the kids sake, they didn't feel it was the responsible thing to do, raise them in the WT like they were.

  • flipper
    flipper

    BLUEGIRL 78- Welcome to the board ! Nice to have you here. You are among people who care . Many here were born-ins ( I got out of the wtnesses after 44 years from birth 6 years ago ) so we undrestand the situations you've been through concerning the witnesses. You have been given great suggestions on what books to read. If you ever have any questions- please feel free to ask any of us

  • lavendar
    lavendar

    Hello Bluegirl!

    I'm SO glad you found your way out of the cult......and so glad that your precious little boy won't have to suffer the kind of "life" JW children are subjected to.

    You will find much help and info on this board.

    All the best to you!

  • doublelife
    doublelife

    Welcome!

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit