Need advice on getting DA'd

by MrMoe 20 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Skeptic

  What to do? Why do anything? You have it pretty good.

  You are inactive, your family speaks to you? Why rock the boat?

  Anyone I know who has friends or family in the cult and DAed themselves regretted it.

  1) The govt. is not going to do anything against you, even if they went after JWs. they would target the org itself. Individual members only get in trouble if they listen to the org and disobey the law, like not buying a political or something.

  2) The govt. would not recognise you as a member of the JWs. And the elders would likely tell them that you are not.

  3) If you feel you must DA yourself, then you are saying that the DA rules are good. You are saying that the JWs still control you. If they did not control you, you would just ignore their silly rule and get on with your life.

  4) If you haven't been DFed by now, you probably will never be. In some areas, such as Canada, elders will not take action if you are not known as a JW.

  5) If you are ever asked by an elder if the JW faith is true, or if the WTBS is god's channel today, always answer yes. Lie if you have to. If you say no, you are going to be DFed.

  6) If JWs call on you, either tell them you are busy, or get creative and have fun. Ask them tough questions about blood, or child molesting. Tell them you will help them get "out" if they want. Tell them they distrubed you during sex. Or tell them you are having sex with your dog and do they want to watch? Make a pass at a JW of the same gender. The possiblities are endless...

  The fading away approach is far better than DAing. DAing can bring a lot of pain in your life. And to reverse a DAing takes a lot of work.

  I faded away. I am officially a JW for family reasons. I rarely present myself as a JW, out of fairness to them and myself. I live a lifestyle that would normally get me DFed, but because I am not known as a Dub, I am left alone. My family knows I am opposed to Witnesses and help JWs get out. All except my brother talk to me.

  Richard
• 

  MrMoe

  Thanks for the advice. Guess I should not rock the boat, but UGH. I hate the ties, I really do, but is loosing my family worth it? Nope. Cause my parents would severall ties due to my REASONS for DAing myself -- apostacy. Thanks again to all of you.
• 

  JT

  Tell them they distrubed you during sex. Or tell them you are having sex with your dog and do they want to watch? Make a pass at a JW of the same gender.
  -----------

  Truly a SICK man-- but I LOved every minute of reading it
• 

  ConnieLynn

  I agree with JerryTx. I am DF'd and they shock factor of losing all my family and "friends" in one day was almost too much...and I have lost the opportunity to help get one of my sisters out. Just be inactive and drop little tidbits here and there, you never know who will hear what your saying.
• 

  WindRider

  Mr Moe, for what it is worth, I would just like to add my two cents to the discussion. I agree with what everyone here is saying. Weigh the pros and cons, see what you are losing vs. what you would be gaining to Disassociate yourself, and then decide from there.

  I chose to disassociate myself a few yrs. back and I really regret it. Not just because I lost family and life-long friends but also because I realized too late that I had actually played right into the hands of the society; played by their rules. And here, one of the very reasons I chose to ds. is to show them they no longer held any sway in my life and that I would not live by their silly rules. I thought that I was sending a message loud and clear to my local cong. that I no longer believed that the religion of JW's was "the truth" and that in fact, it was one of the more harmful religions out there. Oh, I wrote an eloquent, powerful letter outlining my various reasons with undisputed facts and logic that I thought no reasonable person could fault even if they didnt want to accept the same conclusions I had. Yes, I was proud of that letter; of the decision to stand up for what is right and true! And I was also incredibly naive. I dont know what I expected but the reality was that my presiding overseer read it, ripped it up, tossed it and then ran with the advantage I had given them. I was a very well-respected, well-liked member of the cong. and had been very active up until the last six months or so before this time. They did not want me talking with others in the Hall and now they had the perfect excuse to keep that from happening. My decision to DA was read to the cong. and then no one was in a position to talk with me. I mean afterall, they had no idea, most of them, why I da'd myself and the society labeled me an apostate. (Which is incredibly ironic when you consider that according to the society, the term apostacy means "a standing away from truth," or turning your back on truth and it was because of seeking real truth that I could no longer stay with the organization in good conscience)
  Anyway, sorry if im rambling on but, my decision did not have the effect I desired. As one person has already said, the satisfaction you get for telling off the society is short-lived; the sorrow and pain both you and family and friends endure is for the rest of your lives!
  Right now, esp. while your parents are still alive and agreeable to continue talking and spending time with you, if you just leave things as they are and keep up the status quo, you can continue to have the control over the situation. Once you have da'd, you give the society the reins over your life once more in this most precious area, your relationship with your parents and the ability to continue it.
  Something to think about.

  I know this is a very difficult decision and a very personal one. Whichever you choose, I wish you well.

  Sincerely,
  Windrider
• 

  Skeptic

  WindRider.

  Very eloquently put. I have seen the pain that your DAing has caused you. I wish I could remove it. DAing has caused so much pain...

  Richard
• 

  barry

  Dear Mr Moe,
  As I understand it the Jws dont have a church role of members so the only way you or anyone else is considered a member is from the report of activity you would put in to the society. Therefore I agree with the other posters to DA would be of little worth and would only give short term emotional satisfaction. In fact you would be giving them the authority to again control the situation.
  Barry
• 

  Billygoat

  MrMoe,

  Ask yourself this:

  If I DAed myself, how different would my life be?

  Answer: I wouldn't be attending meetings - don't do that anyway. I won't go out in field service - don't do that either. I won't read the publications - the whatTower? - don't do that either. I won't have contact with any old JW friends - haven't talked to them in years anyway. I can't talk to Mom and Dad. Hmm. That's really the only difference.

  You see, if you DAed yourself, all you're doing is "legalizing" it in the JW's minds. (Your parents minds.) But other than that your life doesn't really change. You say you want to "cut the ties". It sounds like you already have done that without being DAed. It's all how you think about it.

  Just my thoughts...

  Andi
• 

  Marilyn

  Dear MrMoe, DON'T DO IT! Think of it like this: If you'd signed up to Amway or Nutrametics (similiar pyramid selling scams as the WT), and you eventually became inactive - would you feel the need to write them a letter 5 yrs down the track and tell them you formally disassociate yourself from their organisations? Silly huh? Well it's the same with the Tower. They are nothing. They are just a bunch of silly, small people, peddling a scam. Lots of people are sucked in and lots of people wake up to them. Just walk away and don't give them a second thought. (yeah right!) OK, but you know what I mean?

  I slipped away and I didn't get the chance you've been given. They came after me and disfellowshipped me two years later for daring to leave. It has caused the most terrible heart ache for my parents. In fact I honestly believe that it may have been the reason my mother developed breast cancer - as grief and severe stress can do that. Plus my father had a massive heart attack within 4 yrs of my being disfellowshipped. Both my parents were hounded by the elders to have nothing to do with me. It went on and on for years. They were so distressed by it all. I've been disfellowhipped for 20 yrs now and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Zip up your mouth and say nothing and be glad you can give your parents this gift of your association.

  all the best
  Marilyn
• 

  cyberguy

  Hi MrMoe!

  Well, I can understand how upset you must be, because you've tried to reason with your parents, but with little success. However, if you DA yourself, you'll drastically limit any future discussions with your parents. Recall the scripture "love hopes all things?" If you want to help your parents you'll need to maintain the line of communication open. Also, I wouldn't worry about the government stepping in and going after you. After 2-3 years, they throw out your publisher record cards (there was a letter from the Society regarding this, but I can't remember if it's 2 or 3 years). Hang in there MrMoe!