Ex-Atheists: What Changed Your Mind? (page 7)

goldensky

Thanks for the link, Sylvia. Wow! More confirmation of my observations. Just in his line, isn't it?

to you, Leavingwt.

BurnTheShips

After the loss of my 15 year old son to death and my questioning my faith in the JW religion, I gave up on religion and had no belief in anything especially not a god. I believe I was touched spiritually through a dream, and when I awoke I knew that for me rejecting the Divine was not possible. I had to search for a spiritual community and had to follow my intuition because I had nothing else. I am now Presbyterian and it is a good fit and does not choke the life out of me like the JW's did. I spent about 2 years as an atheist. Something about being an atheist is that I understand how they feel. I felt such a relief when I decided I was an atheist and it felt good in the beginning but as time went on life felt like a huge waste of time in some respects. Then a powerful vivid dream and I knew in my heart of hearts that I needed more.

I lost my "religion" in the late 90's, but I played a JW at the Watchtower theater until I left in 2007. My atheist period started shortly after learned I learned the truth about the "Truth". And the seed doubt that got all of that rolling was that horrible polemic of a Creation book. I realized it was all based on lies and half truths regarding science research in general, and evolution in particular. I grew up devouring sci-fi books, and reading about science, so I had a lot of respect for it. As a boy, that is what I wanted to do. My childhood dreams were wrecked by being pushed towards Watchtower promoted goals.

Oh well, no regrets but back to the plot:

At that time, I wrote it all off as bunk. God religion all of it. It felt very liberating. In my heart, I said "F-U" to God. Yes I did. I screamed it at him! It was cathartic. I decided I was not going to rely on him anymore, that failure of a non-existent father. I didn't have anything so tragic happen to me as did to Balsam, but I went through some tough times. However, I was going to take care of business. And I did. I worked my ass off at two jobs and got out of my financial troubles. I started acting the JW and kept my marriage together.

One night after closing in a restaurant I worked in, an old bartender told me in his best Spanish swear voice: "Cono, BTS, WTF are you doing here? You should be in school." That week, a gap toothed moron spat his baccy in a ditch I was working in because of his screwup, and told me "Hurry up Cubie". I asked myself: "Why am I putting up with this crap"? I know why. My dub wife was dead set against me doing anything. Jehobah's interests come first. She has since changed radically, by the way, but it took years.

The next two years were incredibly productive to me. I turned my entire life around, which had been stagnating my whole adult life in the Tower. I started college, and went from waiting tables at night and digging ditches in the hot August sun during the day (As I mentioned and to expand, I was an electrician's apprentice and got all the nasty work) to learning programming, and working in IT. I walked out of the electricians job after punching a foreman. I got fired from a good restaurant job for telling the Maitre D' "fuck you".

I've mellowed a lot since then, LOL.

I started reading other things besides the Watchtower dreck, and went through a lot of growth. This period lasted for about two years. Towards the end of it, I studied other things. History and philosophy classes got my interest. I also felt an unmet need within myself. Something was missing. I started investigating different faiths. That was tough. I still had the idea in my head that there had to be one perfect, "truth" and that if you weren't in it, well, you know what we used to believe. But I was on my way out.

Long story short, "BTS, the lost Atheist tracks" were good years in a lot of ways.

To finalize, my journey out of atheism was a lot like Balsam's above. I also feel I have encountered God since then, and on more than one occasion. I didn't see him during my atheist interlude. But maybe like that sappy story, "Footprints", he was there carrying me all the way back to him. Actually, maybe that is not accurate. I never really believed in God as a JW like I do now. Back then I had some head noise implanted by the dubs, but I didn't "know" God. I never looked for him. The dubs served up a facsimile on a platter. The closest I ever got to feeling him was doing geeky stuff as a kid like looking for Messier objects on a dark night with my telescope. That awe you feel when you look at the Universe. That's what God feels like in many ways. It sort of makes sense, in a way.

Unlike what some think, believing in God doesn't mean you aren't self reliant. It doesn't mean you are weak. It doesn't mean you are fearful. It doesn't mean you only do the right thing so you don't get punished.

That is JWism. All the above.

I am very self reliant. But sometimes, I do call my dad on the phone and talk to him. He's been around for longer, and his advice is helpful, and his understanding is strengthening. Besides, he's my dad. I love him.

I'll cop out here and take Balsam's comments about why he stopped being atheist and add "what he said" regarding myself. I really couldn't express it better.

BTS

Paulapollos

Hi,

This thread really piqued my interest, since I used to have very athestic and evolutionist tendencies. However, I changed because I personally felt that I was not convinced of the evidence of the mechanism of neo-darwinian evolution, the more I subjected it to scrutiny. The more I have investigated it, the more convinced I have become that it is not a viable theory, but of course that is only my opinion. Still, thankfully I have the freedom to make that choice. I also feel now that, philosophically speaking, God's existence is something that I have far more conviction in - I simply do not feel that post-modernism, and to some extent, the Enlightenment, is based on as intellectually-sound footings as I originally thought. I am more convinced as to the existence of God now than I have ever been

PP

leavingwt

BTS -- Thank you for your extended comments. Most of us now have a better glimpse into your character.

Paulapollos -- Thank you. Your comments illustrate how we cannot really draw close to what we personally find to be inconceivable. In your case, the neo-darwinian stuff simply didn't make sense.

frankiespeakin

Traitors!! Traitors!!!!

Just kidding.

Belief in God works for some people, I'm probably a non believer, a sceptic, but don't hold to any atheist code. I look at it as just another polarizing club, the same way religion polarizes.

If there is a God all depends on what you mean by the term God. The Biblical Deity is definitely the product of a Male centered imagination and needs more feminine qualities to be a useful mythology, and therefore unhealthy to the psyche, prone to induce neurosis detrimental to good mental health. Too much Yang(male) and very little Yin(fem).

BurnTheShips

I was about 8 years old. The preacher was inviting everyone to 'come on down' and accept Jesus. Honestly, I think I mostly gave into peer pressue. Everyone else was doing it, and all of the kids who 'were saved' would ask me if I was saved. So, I went on down and gave myself to Jesus, as best as I knew how. I never felt anything otherworldly or supernatural. One week later, I was baptized in front of the congregation.

Sorry, but this scene got conjured up in my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwkP7Gnp7ek

He's a gentleman first, then a poster.

He's a real caballero.

BTS

frankiespeakin

BTS,

I watched that movie twice it's a great movie on many levels.

BurnTheShips

I've watched it 3x. Daniel Day Lewis was just amazing. Amazing.

BTS

drwtsn32

The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel

I actually read that book. A creationist coworker bought it for me and challenged me to read it. It was painful to get through.

Lee's "skepticism" felt so contrived, his questions in many cases so hokey. He would act shocked or surprised at certain things and it seemed so fake, epsecially when I know he had already written books like "The Case for Christ", etc. He was already a believer when he did these interviews, but seemed to try and act like he wasn't.

I read no new arguments against evolution... simply the same old stuff rehashed. He uses some arguments that were long ago shown to be ridiculous. The strongest proofs of evolution were not even discussed. The supposed "experts" he interviewed were all creationists/IDers, at least 2 or 3 of them from the Discovery Institute itself.

The book is probably viewed as "awesome" by someone who is already a believer, but I personally found it very poor, albeit better than the stuff the Watchtower has printed on the subject of Evolution.

smiddy

Wobble ??

you just cracked me up with your definition of self,I totally concur ( having just had a few ales myself)

smiddy

Ex-Atheists: What Changed Your Mind?

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