Devaluing People

Magog

Is it possible that when we see posters get upset, and then leave, that they feel devalued by the group?

When we leave the Witnesses, are we not devalued as apostates by those who remain Witnesses, some of whom are lifelong friends?

Could it be when we find a place like this, we discover again that we are valued, so that anything threatening that sense of belonging hurts too much as a reminder of our exit from the Witnesses?

If we add in personal grief, such as Tina has posted, does it make sense that any feeling of devaluation is amplified?

Maybe if we learn from our Witness experience, it might serve to help us give others the benefit of the doubt?

waiting

Hello MrMoe,

Good point - but then that falls back to our perceptions and our interpretation of events and people. And we've all got to judge ourselves on that one.

As Ginny brought out in the Amazing thread (somewhere) - if a man gives you flowers.....you can interpret it that he's nice, or that he's trying to make up for something that he did, or that he's trying to bed you. The action was the flowers - the interpretation of that actions lies within the receiver.

As brought out in Yeru's thread, we've lost a lot of good posters and friends within a couple of weeks. Farkel, Amazing, Joel, Nute, Essie & Tina.

Maybe if we learn from our Witness experience, it might serve to help us give others the benefit of the doubt?

I quite agree - we should give others the benefit of the doubt, while they're here and if they leave.

waiting

Magog

Waiting,

I agree, perception is a big factor in the mind of the receiver. The perception of our Witness friends left behind is that we are now evil. I think their perception is seriously flawed.

Do you think that maybe our own perceptions, as receivers of the apostate title, may also bear some flaws? Maybe we carry flawed perceptions with us, and use these as tools in assessing our new found friends here? It seems possible to me that our old patterns take time to get reinvented into useful tools that work in new relationships.

btw. I am Magog, not MrMoe

Francois

I have posted here before that we're not doing ourselves much good, treating each other as badly or worse than the Witnesses treated us. The post went un-noticed. And I must say that posting here for me has been like shouting down a well. I rarely get a reply from anyone, with the exception of an occasional riposte from an intellectual elitist who hangs out here who seems to feel that disagreeing with him is a hanging offense. He's more offensive to me than any elder I ever knew.

Perhaps it's in our genes, or in our training - a knee-jerk reaction trained into our beings by hanging with the JWs. I don't know. But it's been more and more pointless to me - posting here. I can talk to myself without loggin on. Perhaps I should.

Francois

Julie

Hi Francois,

I may not reply much but I red your posts and appreciate your insights. Just an FYI.

Regards,
Julie

Magog

Francois,

I guess we come here to find something and maybe to do something. The Witness life handicapped us in ways we don't fully understand. I don't know if I ever will understand. I believe that our experience with the Witnesses stunted our humanity on many levels.

Could it be we just bring with us to a new stage the sum total of what shaped us? If we grow and evolve we can find better ways of treating others, I suppose. The hurt and anger some have might be why they take longer to make the transition to full humanity.

I am wondering if when a poster becomes upset, if the rest of us can rally around the person as assure them of their worth before continuing with debates. Maybe we can add some assurances as we debate just to soften the feelings. It seems like this would allow everyone to think more freely. What is your opinion?

waiting

Well, howdy Magog!

Sorry about that. I think we can only be responsible for our own perceptions and interpretations. If I give you flowers - I've acted, it's up to you to interpretate my action. I can't control how you'll view my action. Now, if I gave you stinkweed, I would suspect your interpretation might be different.

I absolutely think our perceptions are flawed - by our jw experience, by childhood, by marriage, by gender, by our professions, by everything! It's up to us to become reasonable....or at least try.

We become known for our words which we type - it is our action on this forum. How you interpret my words is my problem because of the way I type them, expressing myself. How you interpret my words is also your problem, because of your perceptions.

Communicating ideas, emotions, experiences, disagreements, in words only is terrifically hard to do. Most of us fail a time or hundred.

waiting

Budda Belly

Hi Mr.Moe,

I guess it just goes to show
that people don't change
and that we all are a bunch
of freaks.

D wiltshire

Devaluing people is something everybody not just jw or xjw do.

It's something well ALL have to work on, to avoid.

Anybody can point the finger at anyone,... what good does it do?

It's something I'm working on to avoid, and will do so till the day I die.

If someone lived a trillion X longer than you, and had a billion X more reasoning ability would he come to the same conclusions as you?

IslandWoman

Magog,

There are many valued people, in fact everyone here is valued. Among those who have left are some who have also hurt others, they threw trash on people they did not even know, people who were new.

It may seem hard on my part, but man if they can't take it they should not have dished it out!

We all hurt!!! Who has posted in sympathy for the newbie who was trashed so bad that they stopped posting! Who remembers them!

Tina has trashed people online. People who have been hurt by the Tower just as she has, people who have personal problems and hurdles to overcome just as she has.

That's been the problem, some here think they are the only ones who have suffered. Farkel has suffered, damn it so have the rest of US!

We all lost something, we are all angry about something, we all have things pent up inside waiting to come out, we all need to shout out our feelings.

Devaluation is not the problem, plain old humility may be what's missing!!

IW

Devaluing People

Share this