very alone..

flower

i know that people have been in the same boat as i am and have felt the same but i still feel very alone tonight. and very depressed. i dont think some people understand even here. i think lot of people even though they were lied to and scammed just like me they arent as affected somehow. maybe cause they have family that are supporting them or maybe they were generally happy as witnesses, having friends and responsibility. maybe they were able to live up to the expected standards for the most part and didnt live for years with the crushing guilt and accompanying depression that i did. i still feel like an outsider, alone in the universe. like my whole world is about to crash all around me and there isnt anything i can do to stop it. i spent so many years so sad and depressed and alone because of these lies. i did self injured myself physically and did even worse emotional and mental self inflicted wounds. there is no way to repair these things. and i find out there was no reason for it. i didnt have to be anything i tried to but couldnt. i didnt have to try so hard to do the right thing and fail. and its all because i believed these lies with my whole heart. i believed i was going to die. i'm so alone i just wish i had someone to talk to. i hate being alone. i'm still alone. i cant handle this stuff alone and i cant tell my mother like i want to. i keep running over and over in my mind what i want to say to her. i want to tell her so she will know that i'm not bad and will love me like other mothers love their daughters. but its never going to happen. when i tell her i will be an orphan for all intents and purposes. and then i will really be alone. this is hopeless and impossible and i cant handle it. i know i'm a grown woman and i dont need a mother and father but i cant handle being alone anymore and i know i am too screwed up for anyone else to want to be with. sorry for this really stupid post. i guess i just could use a hug but cyber hugs dont really count for much

Doc_jedd

.....How about a cyber squeeze then ?...{{{{{{{{flower}}}}}}}}
..............Jedd

lv4fer

Oh honey, don't be so down on yourself. It's going to be OK. Tomorrow is gonna be another day. If you need someone to talk to e-mail me at [email protected]. I'm a mom and I'll be your surrogate mom if your mom doesn't love you. Nothing you've done can be that bad. Jesus died for YOU and you've already been forgiven all you have to do is accept him as your personal savior and then start living your life to the best of your ability as he set the example for us. Your not going to be perfect only he could do that, just do the best you can.

Joyzabel

Flower, being here can't solve your problems. Have you thought about going back to therapy? Especially getting help, medically, until you can get a good handle on what you are now believing? E-mail me your phone #, I'll be happy to talk with you. j2bf

Mindchild

Dear Flower,

*Soft loving smiles and warmth!* to start with and yes all I can do is offer you cyber hugs but please be assured that there are many people here who know what you are going through and do care.

I've been out over 20 years from the Borg and I still know the feeling of being alone. Please feel free to drop me email and then we can talk by IM chat. I hope we can cheer your day for you.

Kind Regards,

Skipper

,,,

(o o)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-oOOo-(_)-oOOo-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Lady Lee

Flower Cyber hugs might not be like real but the sentiment behind them is as real as anything.

Believe me you are not alone. When I left my family did desert me. My mother still does not talk to me and it has been 16 years now. At first I missed her but then I found other "mothers" - both on the net and in real.

When I left there was no internet and was truly alone. The pain of losing everything - my family, my friends, my community, my work and even my home (got divorced) was unbelievable. TI too thought I could not do this. I had one person in the world - not a JW ever - and he was supportive but had not been there so could not truly understand. Believe me I felt alone.

I sat back and watched while my mother and aunts and uncles shunned me and then went to my ex-s wedding. No one wanted to know what happened. No one cared.

But you know what - I recovered from that immense sense of being alone. I found other things to do - weird at first not going to meetings but eventually very free-ing. I found hobbies and interests I never had time for before. I made new friends - wonderful friends.

It took time. After 10 years of being out I started learning the real truth about the org. It sort of took me those 10 years to get where you are now - at the realization of being lied to. Take heart and hang on. It really does get better. There are stages to this kind of recovery. And don't be surprised if you want to "rescue" some of your family. Don't do it yet. First be strong yourself. Deal with the depression (something I too suffered for many years with while a JW). (BTW - my depression is finally gone after being freed from the Borg.)

Life will get better. Give yourself time. If you are afraid of hurting yourself - open your telephone book to the front page. Most books have a list for emergency telephone numbers. Most crisis centers can help you a bit. Find out if there is an ex-JW group in your area. And keep talking to people you trust in here.

Hang on and (((HUGS))) - it does get better

Rejoice in the healing and not in the pain.
Rejoice in the challenge overcome and not in the past hurts.
Rejoice in the present - full of love and joy.
Rejoice in the future for it is filled with new horizons yet to be explored. - Lee Marsh 2002

OUTLAW

Hey Flower,your not alone,there are thousands of us.Alot of them right here on this board and guess what,theres more comming.(((Flower)))Theres a big hug from me...OUTLAW

ARoarer

Flower, honey, maybe you can connect with some from this list in your area. There are so many of us now that being Df'd or DA'd isn't as isolating as it once was. You are not alone. Right now it just feels that way.

flower

i'm sorry for posting this. i know i should be happy now that i know the truth. i've got no reason to feel down now. i dont know whats wrong with me that i feel so sad. i have my whole life ahead of me now with no jw rules to follow. i want to be happy about that. i guess i am.

waiting

howdy flower,

We all go through changes of feeling when leaving. Just living day to day is a change. I'm sorry about your mother - but then, some kids never are acquaintances, let alone friends, with their mother.

Just the way it is sometimes.

See the chatroom above? Some very nice people in there at the moment....and bet Naeblis will make you laugh. At least it's faster inter-action than just posting.

Take care - (((((((((((((pretty flower))))))))))))))

very alone..

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