What was your exit plan when leaving the JW? How did you break the news to your relatives that you no longer wanted to be a JW anymore?
Exit plan
by make yourself 10 Replies latest jw friends
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its_me!
Hello Exit plan. I didn't have a plan, I just felt as if I couldn't go anymore, I felt panicky when I was there. As for telling my family, I haven't yet. They haven't asked me recently, but when they did a while back, I just told them that I was going through a difficult time, and I was trying to sort things out, (social anxiety, depression, physical ailments). It seemed to worked for the time being. I know that they probably know that is not the only reasons, but they do not push.
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Open mind
Welcome to the board!
Here's what worked for me and my loved ones.
YMMV.
om
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cyberjesus
This is not gonna be easy. Fading is usually an option so you can keep contact with your family. You MUST prepare no less than 6 months. I Rushed it thinking I could do it and screwed it up. So be patient. Everybody here told me to be patient and I didnt listen.
"Crisis of Conciense" is a must by Ray Franz. And "Combating Mind Control" by Steven Hassan. So you understand the dilemma. I also read "The Bible Unearthed" By Israel Finkelstein.
I would consider all of that as step one.
Freeminds.org jwfacts.com wathtowerdocuments.com http://www.exjehovahswitness.net/ are also important before you take any steps.
If you want to keep your friends and family or at least extend your relationship I wouldnt take any step until I put at least 6 months of constant study.
Then
1- Moving out of the sigth of the congregation
2.-Tell you family your tired and need to take some time
3.-you are gonna have to hide your life for the rest of your life.
However you can grab the bull by the horns. Just tell them you dont believe in it. and when they call you to the Judicial Meeting send them a letter from a lawyer stating your requirements for the JC. And they will leave you alone.
http://www.jehovahswitnessbooks.com/ March 9, 2010 entry has a copy of the letter.
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leavingwt
It's pointless to tell them. You'll simply be putting yourself out there for emotional abuse/turmoil -- over and over, again.
The less they know about WHY you leave, the better. Nobody likes an 'Apostate'.
-LWT (Of the proud Apostate Class who DA'd in a very public manner.)
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shamus100
It's going to be tough for all involved. Remember, although they are part of a high-control group, they will feel betrayed.
Try to give them some room, and expect they will be quite upset.
Above all, don't be afraid to talk to someone and/or post here when it gets tough. It's a rough road but man, is it worth it! Every aching moment, I might add.
Wish you all the best in your journey!
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blondie
If you want you can start with "fading" which has different meanings to individuals on this board. Here is an older post by Expatbrit. This may allow you to leave and give you time to adjust to your new life. Then if you want to da, and understand the possible consequences, that is still a choice.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/34518/1/On-The-Art-Of-Fading
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OnTheWayOut
Differing families and circumstances allow differing exit plans. It is not always necessary to do the slow fade or plan for it. Some are able to wake up and simply walk out of the Kingdom Hall. Some maintain family relations because their cult-minded family are able to put the rules aside, some won't put the rules aside no matter what you do. Read others' plans but don't feel it's necessary to do as others have.
I waited until the timing was good. We had a trip planned with other JW's. After the trip, I resigned as an elder and said I had "doubts." They held up my resignation saying Bethel needed to approve it. Because I wanted to fade (for Mother's sake) I didn't argue, but did say "Whatever, I am still done today serving as an elder." They said it was fine as long as I didn't tell anyone until Bethel approved it.
It took 2 months for the C.O. to bring back Bethel's approval. I acted as if I was stumbled by the lousy way the C.O. handled the matter and stopped reporting service, then stopped meetings just about 7 or 8 months after initially resigning as an elder. In that whole time, I didn't talk to my mother at all about spiritual matters. I just waited until she brought it up because she "heard" that I was stumbled out of the truth. \
For my wife, I was a bit more vocal about it. But I knew I could trust that she would keep our marriage out of the Kingdom Hall. Not everyone can do that. When the burden of cult exposure got to be too much for the wife, I stopped talking about it. Reading Steve Hassan's two books (COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and RELEASING THE BONDS) I learned to talk to my wife in a different way, encouraging independent thought and not often triggering her cult mindset.
Mother and wife are still in. I find my own path of peace. Counseling was necessary in my case for my own reasons. Establishing personal friendships with other ex-JW's was part of my path also.
Edited to add: Welcome to the board.
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spawn
The plan we had was to just call it a day and not go to another meeting, that was about three years ago now.
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Think About It
My exit plan was more like a boil. Things I would see and things people & the org would do started iritating me. I still remained very active and involved, but the infection inside the boil kept growing and growing. Finally, when l couldn't stand it any longer I took matters into my own hands and lanced the boil by resigning as an elder and quiting JW's cold turkey. The relief from popping that boil and getting all that infection out felt sooo good! Haven't attended a meeting or read WTS literature in the 15 yrs since.
Think About It