Fading

by bohm 10 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bohm

  Here is the thing. As mentioned earlier I have been fading for almost 2 years now. I moved to another congr. about ½ a year ago - and the elders still tries to reach me.

  The have been calling, without me answering... And then they have send e-mails. The first e-mail i answered very politely: Thank you for your consern...bla bla bla...im dealing with some personal issues right now, but i'll return to you if I need anything.

  Some month passed by with no respond from their side. Then suddently they wrote me a new e-mail: You mentioned that you had some problems, can we help you? We would like to make you a visit, just tell us when youre home.

  I didnt answer that one.

  Then about a month after this mail, I recieve a new one: Long time no see, we really want to help you if you have some problems you cant handle. Your name is not at your door, do you still live at the same spot? Remember the Memorial on tuesday. You are welcome to call me
  ...bla bla bla...

  Its really starting to annoy me. I never said I had "problems" but "personal issues"....Well, what should I do?

  I would like just to ignore them, I feel I have given them enough answer... But Im a bit afraid that could get them to DA me somehow.

  Please give me your advice.

  Thanks a lot.

  Love Miss Bohm
• 

  jordan12

  How about telling them the truth?
• 

  bohm

  Well I obviously dont want to get shunned.
• 

  QuestioningEverything

  J12-If it was as easy as just telling the truth to the elders, there would be no need for a board like this. Most of us don't want our families to shun us because we no longer want to attend the KH. What do you think would happen if you told someone you no longer wanted to attend? Do you really think the elders would just walk away quietly? Or that others in the congregation would understand and let you be? NO-within a short time, it would be all over the congregation what you said and others would immediately start the shunning-despite the fact that you were not DF'd. I've seen it happen.

  bohm-I would let the elders contacting you know that you appreciate their concern but you will contact them if you need any 'encouragement/assistance. Best Wishes to you!
• 

  SouthCentral

  I tried to fade and was very effective for a while. I turned in time every month for years until I was told that I could not anymore unless I came to the hall. I had recieved about 2 visits per year from the elders. They invited me to go back recently.

  I sat on the front row, quoted scriptures and commented 3 times. They have not bothered me for a while since. The first thought is that you are engaging in immorrality or that you are ashamed. I have no shame, it's just a religion. When they see that that's not the case, they are kinda dumbfounded.

  I really have no desire to turn in time again, but I will attend periodically because it is obviously a family thing. Social activities for the children and parties for my wife.

  Also, I have invested many, many billions in a bank account, why let the WT take away my investment (friends, family ect...)

  I feel all religions are imperfect, the J-Dubs are no different. Catholics justify bad preiest, mormons have slaughtered others, there are doctrinal errors everywhere....
• 

  penny2

  Then about a month after this mail, I recieve a new one: Long time no see, we really want to help you if you have some problems you cant handle. Your name is not at your door, do you still live at the same spot? Remember the Memorial on tuesday. You are welcome to call me
  ...bla bla bla...

  Suggested response:

  Problems sorted but thanks for your concern.

  Regards

  bohm
• 

  bohm

  So you think its best for me to answer, and not just ignore them?
• 

  snowbird

  Bohm, I suggest you do what's best for your situation.

  I sat on the front row, quoted scriptures and commented 3 times ...

  You go, Bro!

  I am soooooome scared of you!

  Sylvia
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  After the Memorial, the email or visit attempts will probably die down. They may have the occasional attempt, though.

  I would say they would attempt less if you answer. Give a strong answer and the same standard answer each attempt. Along the lines of "I know where you are, I will contact you if I am interested in a visit."
• 

  penny2

  Personally, I would give a short response as above.

  However, I feel there is no harm in ignoring them if that's what you prefer to do. At the moment they are a bit more zealous than normal because of the memorial - after that's over, they'll probably leave you alone for a while.