Hello Everyone.
I'm new to this forum. I left the organization several months ago, and am on a new path now. Though I didn't grow up in the organization, I have basically lived a life of pretending to be something I'm not, sheltering my feelings from everyone, and not feeling "enough" to anyone. It's one of those journeys where smiles, hugs, or "I love you's" only existed in storybooks and tv shows. I joined the organization because people kept telling me my current religion was wrong, and I wanted to serve God in the "right way". The years I spent in the organizatipn were filled with lots of confusion and conflict. On the outside, I was a suit-and-tie Bible boy who went door to door, and on the inside, I was a small child who was screaming for love, attention, friendship, and truth. People in the organization said I would have new mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers, but most of what I gained was loneliness, fear, and tears. I would often cry in my pillow, or drive around town in the early hours of the morning, trying to figure out why I felt so empty when I was in an organization that promised love. I decided that I couldn't go on hiding who I was and believing things that I found to be false. I left "cold turkey" and had to deal with the "search parties" that call and knock whenever someone leaves. I am still dealing with that. Since leaving, I have met some wonderful people in my life, but, to some extent, still feel like a shivering child in need of a blanket. I don't usually talk about my feelings much, but decided to use this forum as a way of introducing myself in hopes of finding support and friendship. Thanks for listening. --MarkedFragile