First Time that I Didn't Go to the Memorial

daniel-p

So this was the very first time in my whole life that I didn't go to the Memorial. I didn't want to go, and didn't really think about it much. My wife went, and she was sullen before and after... I know she wanted me to go. I told her afterwards that if she wants me to go next year I would, but she didn't say anything. I want to make her happy.

In any case, I feel depressed now, and I don't know why. I don't necessarily feel like I should have been there, but that it reminded me of my own lack of spirituality. Or emptiness. Or loneliness. Like something in me is meant to be filled, either spiritually or socially.

The emptiness that I feel and the awkwardness with my wife is not something I want to live with the rest of my life.

leavingwt

I hope you get to feeling better. Hang in there.

snowbird

(((((((Daniel-p)))))))

I totally understand.

Sylvia

undercover

I'd guess that your a little sad because by not going it caused a rift between you and your wife. It's not missing the meeting, it's disappointing her, even though you know the Memorial doesn't mean anything. Even when we know we're right, we don't like to cause our spouse unhappiness...especially when we know that they're a victim in this whole deal.

The Memorial is the only meeting I attend, though I have managed to miss a couple of them even. But when the family and the wife put extra effort into getting me to attend, I've found that it's usually easier to just go ahead and suck it up and go instead of trying to prove a point.

It's interesting that they put so much stock in this one meeting. You can miss every meeting, assembly, convention...you can critisize and point out the issues and they'll let it go, but when it comes Memorial time, well by god you better plan on coming.

It's usually tense around my house the day of the Memorial. But after it's over things settle back to my standard level of inactivity and no one bothers me for the most part. Every year I say I'm going to refuse to go, but then I rethink it and realize that I can withstand one hour of it, if it'll keep everyone happy and off my back otherwise.

Hopefully things will settle back down for you in a couple of days.

neverendingjourney

I'm not married, so I can't speak to that part of it, but after I left JWism, I experienced feelings of guilt/depression every time I broke a new taboo. I think part of it was sheer instinct.

It's been a few years since I've stepped inside a Kingdom Hall and I still get these feelings from time to time. Two weeks ago I brought home a woman and felt real guilty the next day. It was the ol' JW instincts kicking in, I guess.

Hang in there, man. Your wife is probably worried about you due to her JW progamming. Just keep in mind that the programming serves to keep people like you in the fold, so to speak.

Judge Dread

Like something in me is meant to be filled, either spiritually or socially.
Then fill it.
Judge Dread

Witness 007

You'll both get over it soon!

BabaYaga

You will not always feel empty. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, it is part of the healing process. Allow yourself to feel and think... what would make sense to you, perhaps you can come up with your own commemoration (as many have done here) that makes more sense to you, and is a more healing and respectful ritual?

You must empty a vessel before you fill it with something else. You are just preparing yourself for the pouring forth of what is to come. Emptiness is good.

Love and strength to you,
Baba.

PSacramento

Why do you believe that you lack spirituality?

LatinxJW

Daniel

It was weird for me not going for the first time about 4 years ago but what helped me is keeping things in perspective. The GB spends 364 days a year putting itself in a higher position then Jesus, then take one day no wait 5 minutes to recognize him at the Memorial. Is it the mere ceremony or is it following his example the best way to honor him?

The sooner you come to terms with what the Watchtower is the sooner you will move forward with your life.

First Time that I Didn't Go to the Memorial - Now Depressed