Who do you consider as a friend ??

by troubled mind 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  The Finger

  troubled mind,

  "When we were witnesses every other witness was our "friend" ,but more often than not they were just aquantinces involved in the same religion as we were"

  I found it like this. I was raised as a witness and did not make friends with the world.

  "Who do you consider as a friend?

  I know a fair amount of people but would struggle to have a party and have had no one round for dinner in 15 years other than family. When I first had real problems with the Watchtower and tried to discuss it with my friends it didn't take long for the beginnings of the judical process to start. Friends? Yes in a way they were. They meant well but were misguided.

  At the present I have about four women I consider friends but being married restricts the friendship. How much can a man do with a woman before it becomes a relationship? I don't know? As for male friends. In todays society if two men do things together they are soon labeled gay. My younger brother had some rooms in his house he rented out to professional men. It was long before some of the neighbours assumed he was gay and were very rude to him. (This was in a good nieghbourhood)

  I think a good friend should be supportive but honest.
• 

  no more kool aid

  Friends are hard to come by, especially for those of us that thought we has lots of "friends" and in an instant they were gone, then on top of it most family is gone too. Thankfully I kept up a few friendships with "worldly" people over the years and they have been there for me. My husband is my friend now more than ever. I noticed when I was a witness having a friendship was so difficult because it was based on so may rules. For instance you may be friendly with a family and one of their kids became "bad association" there went that friendship or if you were not on the same wrung of the spiritual ladder, that could be difficult too. I had absolutely nothing in common with most of the women at our congregation because I worked and most of them stayed home and many home schooled, therefore kids didn't really fit in either.
• 

  nugget

  My husband and my family first off they tell me when I am being pompous and dumb. We can fall out without hating one another and we can be honest without fear of rejection. with a friend you can be yourself.
• 

  jaguarbass

  I dont have any friends.

  Money is my friend, Money buys friends and solves problems.

  I wish I had more money.

  If you want someone to shoot the breeze with a lot of people go to the

  corner bar, watering hole, vfw, People stop by those places.

  If you cant manage that after a while theres AA.
• 

  Girlie

  People come and go and I appreciate whatever time they were willing to share with me during those stages.
• 

  Caligula1

  Troubled Mind

  Great post. I'm working on developing friends. Well, I ought to be doing that. Being raised a JW, its difficult.....but even not be raised a JW, it is difficult. I do belive there is a formula out there.

  Girlie,

  How many friends do you have?

  Is it Ok to just have transient acquaintences?
• 

  Girlie

  Caligula1,

  I only have transient acquaintences in my life. It would be nice to have a good friend or two, but find that many do not invest the time and energy in wanting to build a friendship. Therefore, I just take it as it is for the time being.
• 

  LoriJis

  i know exactly how you feel. I had a lot of "friends" in the org. I was Ms. Popularity. We hung out and i was a good friend to all of them. I was there when they needed me. And i thought some of them were my real friends because of the length of time 10-20 yrs and the stuff we had gone through. I've always been the type to need friends in my life. But the reality is - like you said - their friendship is based on your status in the org. When my "friends" found out i was disassociated their friendships ended. All of them. I even received hate messages from the ones i thought were real friends. People i wouldve given anything for and at one point did - when i needed them the most they all left. Friendships in the org is conditional and so are family relations - I'm seeing that now.

  A real friend is someone you can be honest with and despite differences in opinions will still see you for YOU. Will be there in the good and bad. Will support you and treat you the way you do them. Finding those friends is VERY HARD but they are out there.

  You will find them and see the difference. I hope to soon have friends again....this time REAL FRIENDS.
• 

  Caligula1

  Girlie,

  I agree. I must set a goal to build my friendships. Where are you located?

  LoriJis

  Yes, it is a challenge but I believe worthwhile to find true friends.

  "Ms. Popularity".............were you a pioneer?

  Also, based on many posts like yours, I see the benefit of the "Artful Fade".

  In the "The 40 Laws Of Power" it talks about retreating and bending at times....as a skill set.

  Let's meet up in Atlantic City New Jersey (USA) soon. Let's invite others. Atlantic City is an easy spot for a lot of people to get to. New York, MD VA, PA, DC etc. From my jurisdictions it's about $14 round trip, and the buses leave at least 6 times a day.

  Maybe that can be the theme of our conversation....How to begin........or continue........building friendships after leaving the organization. Here's a slight caveat: How about building friendships with current JW's. Now that's probably a stretch for another meeting.

  LET'S MEET IN ATLANTIC CITY NJ (USA)

  The Hilton has a nice buffet (huge shrimp), but if meeting in a casino is a problem, I understand, we can meet at the Country Kitchen Buffet, next to the Tropicana.

  Anyone that can make to Atlantic City some times this year, send me your email, and I'll add you to my "Atlantic City Possible Meet List".

  If you want meet up at a local restaurant, or just grab a donut somewhere, when I come to the following cities, then send me your email, through Private Message or by email [email protected]

  1. Atlantic City, New Jersey (USA)
  2. Las Vegas, Nevada (USA)
  3. Maryland (USA)
  4. Virginia (USA)
  5. Washington DC (USA)
  6. Tampa, Florida (USA)
  7. Atlanta, Georgia (USA)