Funny book review for "The Secret"

by palmtree67 10 Replies latest social humour

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  palmtree67

  I was searching on amazon for books and came across this review. 9,248 of 9,637 people found the following review helpful: The Secret saved my life!, December 4, 2007 By Ari Brouillette (Kensington, CA United States) - See all my reviews This review is from: The Secret (Hardcover) Please allow me to share with you how "The Secret" changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of "The Secret" is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don't want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing. At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life. My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Marcus who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for three packs of Winston cigarettes and 8 ounces of Pruno (prison wine). Marcus elaborated further that I could expect to be raped by him on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes. Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I've never been homophobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate Jim Norton informed me that he knew about the Marcus situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of "The Secret". Normally I wouldn't have turned to a self help book to resolve such a severe and immediate threat but I literally didn't have any other available alternatives. I immediately opened the book and began to read. The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the "Law of Attraction" in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn't exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 "The Secret to Relationships" that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point. The next day in the exercise yard I carried "The Secret" with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I'm not sure that everybody's life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I'm very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.
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  palmtree67

  I like how he gave it 5 stars.

  Everyone else gave it 1.
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  serenitynow!

  That is hilarious! When I was reading it, I was like "this cannot be real" That is funny.
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  troubled mind

  Did you go on to read his other book reviews ? What a character
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  A.Fenderson

  LOL, that's classic. Reads as though it was written by a friend of mine, who I'll have to share it with. Thanks!

  I hadn't heard of this book, at first I thought maybe it was the book that the movie of the same name was based on, wherein Mulder's wife possesses his daughter's body and he tries not to have sex with her, much to her disappointment.
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  Meeting Junkie No More

  Enjoyed that - thanks for sharing.
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  palmtree67

  Bumping this for the night crowd cus I'm still laughing about it.
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  AllTimeJeff

  Satire is awesome!
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  cognizant dissident

  My best laugh of the week! I thought I was the only one who hated "The secret"!
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  awildflower

  That was crazy