(spoiler alert, for movies, and for real life)
Toward the end of my sojourn as a JW, there was a trend in my congregation and a couple of others where sisters would end their talks with the householder turning down the literature or offer of a study. It was reality, no happy ending. No Hollywood ending.... Reality. Which for a JW, was a 10:1 ratio of being turned down. Hey, don't worry, their dead, you're not... "And now for talk #4..."
Well, you haven't seen movies lately if you think a Hollywood ending is happy.
In "500 Days of Summer", Summer is a girl who woos Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character for over 500 days. You are so rooting for them. They are so right for each other. Then, BAM. They break up. Levitt's character learns valuable life lessons, and the end of movie doesn't feature a happy ending, but a hopeful beginning. (in his case, with another woman he just met....) It's not a happy ending, but its his story....
"Up In the Air" stars George Clooney as the ultimate road warrior, who is going for 10 million frequent flier miles, as his job is to fire people as a consultant. 2 women are in the movie and play roles, one of whom gets Clooney's cold, road warrior character to rethink his aversion to being "settled", only to find out the woman that caused him to feel this way can't be with him. Again, not a happy ending. A philosophical ending.
In the end, real life doesn't have happy endings for the happy. Endings for our lives, come from the stories, and believe it or not, its up to you and me if its a happy ending.
Oh, wait. Your life isn't where you want it to be. Reality sucks. Hell, you were likely born a JW or decided for some damn reason to join up. Yeah, it be nice if your movie ended like an Officer and a Gentlemen. Hell, some days, you'd probably settle for the ending for the first "Smokey and the Bandit". But more and more, your life feels more like "Apocalypse Now" would be a great ending at this point......
At this point, I would like to pause and give an illustration that never originated with JW's, but I know made the rounds. The butterfly illustration.
It's all about 2 farmers. One saw the most beautiful butterfly, and though harvest just started, he had to have that butterfly. Of course, butterfly's being almost uncatchable, he never caught it, and missed the harvest.
The other farmer saw the butterfly, but knew he had the harvest to take care of. At the end of the harvest, after all the hard work, it turns out that the butterfly ultimately landed right on his finger, as he sat on his porch at the end of the harvest.
The butterfly represents happiness. (aka, the happy, Hollywood ending). If you chase it, you will never catch it, but if you keep working, happiness will find you, even through the hard times.
(Because JW's are so f*cked up, I have no idea how we ever applied that as a JW, so don't let that distract you....)
The point is twofold, first of all, we are all distracted by the happy ending, esp if it's someone else's. Whether its Hollywood, or whatever. There is this "idea" of what "happiness" is. We all look at movies, or people who weren't JW's, and they have the life we (think we) want. Except we didn't want it for a while, we discovered it after we learned about the life of our JW life. However, to chase after it isn't a luxury, there is a lot of work to get that harvest.... We think if we live like other people, and be like other people, we will be as happy as other people. We seem slow to realize though, that we can be just as happy, just being ourselves, and owning our life. Hey, I promise you, few have done what you have done, seen what you have seen, and have dealt with what you have dealt with.
The second lesson is to borrow a somewhat trite, but true, saying: "Life's a journey, not a destination." Remember, for a time, we at least felt happy as a JW. So hopefully, we know that feeling happy for a time isn't that deep personal fulfillment, that peace of mind, that acceptance of ourselves that leads to real happiness.
Did I mention that happiness is ultimately accepting ourselves and being at peace with who we are, and respecting the journey we have been on?
I know I have, since I have left JW's, got a lot of emails and messages about my life, and being able to be a missionary, as if that life was better then yours. Like hell! I have had a lot of depression, a lot of doubt, a lot to fight through...
Thats my story. Whats yours?
Did you have to force yourself out to knock on doors? Deal with psycho relatives and family? Deal with discovering who you really are?
Your story doesn't suck, its awesome. It would make a great movie. It's even better, because its real. You are real. REAL. You are AUTHENTIC.
Unfortunately, we think at times that we are at the end of the movie. The part that sucks, that part that's sad. We forget that the happy ending is waiting for us. The movie is only half done, time for the ending to be happy.....
It doesn't come from chasing happiness, or what we think we lost. It's all about working the field of land that is us. The saying "We don't' have a row to hoe" doesn't apply. As long as we draw breath, we have one row to hoe, one life to cultivate, something to do still, even if it is only to prove something to ourselves. No one else ultimately matters...
The ultimate spoiler is this; your happy ending is owning your life, loving yourself, being at peace with where you were, where you are now, and honoring that. It isn't being like anyone else, or making your life like anyone else's. It's hoeing your row, and making your amazing life that much more.
Your happy ending, my happy ending, isn't reaping what we have sown up till now. It's about planting for the rest of our life, cultivating that crop and......
at the end of the harvest
you look in the mirror
you see you.
You smile. You nod to yourself because you know.
And you go to bed, warts, scars and all, with a smile. And you breathe a bit easier, at peace.
It's your happy ending.