Dear DIAMOND:
I truly feel for you in your situation. No matter what you decide as to how to get out of the organization, please know that we're here for you for whatever support and assistance we might be able to offer.
In my family's case, I was the one who first decided that I no longer wanted to be a JW, thanks to the way "the friends" (so-called friends, that is) treated me during my third pregnancy and the post-natal depression that followed. I've posted my story in the "Personal Experiences" area of this board, if you're so inclined to read it. My husband, who had been "reaching out" for privileges for such a long time, eventually clued in that the only "love" that was ever manifested in our congregation was toward newcomers and interested persons, in order to "love-bomb" them. After that, it all depended on your field service report and meeting attendance.
Long story short, we found it easiest to "drift away". We set a date as to when we would stop attending meetings: January 1, 1995. There's been no looking back since then. We moved out of the congregation's territory a few months later, as I was going to be starting courses at Nursing School. Our children were in a new school where nobody knew them as JWs. We were also out of the circuit's territory too, so when JWs called at our door in service, they had no idea of who we were. They stopped calling when they figured out that we'd ask them questions that they couldn't answer. heh heh heh
If it's possible for you to do that, then by all means, do so. The only minor inconvenience we experienced was when my JW parents would pay an impromptu visit for our wedding anniversary (Dec 22); but we learned that setting up a Christmas tree on Dec 23 is fun too.
Moving away also gives you an "out" as far as taking your mom to the meetings goes. If she wants to continue attending, she will find someone else to travel with. It's also kind of a sneaky way of giving your wife an excuse not to attend the meetings. Simply offer to take her shopping on meeting nights (but don't say it that way!) so that she can decorate your new place! You can look at flyers as they usually arrive on a Wednesday or Thursday for the weekend, and off-handedly say "Honey, this place needs a new lamp (or whatever), let's go out and grab a bite to eat and see if we can find one you like." (No woman in her right mind will refuse!) Lavish attention on her and praise her creativity. After a few shopping trips, suggest that she's so good at it that she could take a few courses (on meeting nights, of course) and then start her own home decor consultant business. (I kind of did the same thing with hubby, and now he's fully self-employed with a thriving business and earns 3 times what he earned with his former employer, and initially was far too busy working on building up his client base to attend meetings.)
The point is, it's important to fill the time-void that not attending the meetings is going to create. Your wife will appreciate having extra attention paid to her, and if you do something together that you enjoy, your relationship will improve and she'll not miss attending meetings so much. We have a lot of touristy kinds of things to do in our area, and we took the children to parks and events that we'd normally have to miss if we were attending meetings. But if you just sit at home and watch TV while she goes to the meetings, you're going to both start resenting each other's activity.
All the best, and please keep posting. Welcome to the "family".
Love, Scully
It is not persecution for an informed person to expose a certain religion as being false. - WT 11/15/63
