my daughter was abused by an ex min servant age 13 , she is now 22 and has been with her loving caring boyfriend for a year (he is her 1st boyfriend ) over the years she has been bulimic ,self harmed and suffered low self esteem , i thought she had got better since the relationship with her boyfriend started , i found out yesterday that she is no better at all and im frightened for her , her boyfriend said "that bastard haunts her" she suffers flashbacks and post traumatis stress disorder , due to the horrific things the abuser did and said to her , which i cant bare to go into detail about as i try to block it out my mind , unfortunatly my poor girl cannot ! she has had a lot of help by a psyciatrist , counsellor etc but is no better so what can i do to help ? have any of you been in this situation ? does it get better with time ? its been 7 years now and i feel it will be a life sentence for her , have any of you been abused and been able to move on ? i need to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel . i feel like murdering him today as he does not give a damn about the damadge he has caused (he was 43 and she was 13 ) he was my best friends husband and my "friend" she has no trust of anyone , should i try hyponosis ? im scared she wont be able to cope and end up having a breakdown , she has been doing part time work in phsiciatric unit and was put on a mens ward where she was told to do one on one care with a man who has scitzaphrenia and does innappropriate sexual things and to ring her buzzer if he tried to touch her !she broke down and said she could nt put herself at risk and why , now she feels it will always haunt her and she cant cope . please help with advice
im so worried about my daughter ,need some advice please !
by looloo 24 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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blondie
she has had a lot of help by a psyciatrist , counsellor etc but is no better so what can i do to help
Perhaps she needs to try a new psychiatrist and/or counsellor, perhaps also with a support group component. I would check around and see what non-profit programs there are in your area that deal with this issue. They may also be able to suggest someone who is successful in helping others like her. I listed one down below; even if you are outside the US, give them a call, they have contacts in other countries.
Maybe she should find a job that would not put her at risk. Has she shared her work concerns with her psychiatrist/counsellor? Perhaps they could give her some help.
Blondie
http://www.chicagocac.org/index.php/about/history/a_model_program_that_works/
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babygirl30
Hi! I read your post and really FELT your pain...and it gave me 'flashbacks' to what had happened to me.
I was engaged to marry an abusive JW who was an acoholic. His family knew about his behavior and made 'light' of it, and to this day my ex has YET to take responsibility for what he did to me. With all the legal documents proving him guilty - he still has never admitted guilt and continues to claim nothing happened, claims I am crazy and just want him back, and told the judge IN court during the trial that I made everything up! So trust me, that pain was unexplainable because after 2yrs of this man demeaning and attacking me...for him to deny it all and to go on living his life in 'peace' made me angry. I found a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and a support group quickly! Thing is, I was determined to GET WELL and that was the best attitude to have...but it was NOT EASY!!!! It took hard work, and a lot of soul searching. I had to vividly recall memories of what happened to me on a regular basis, I had to follow the direction of the psychologist, I had to learn how to not be angry anymore, I had to accept that what happened was not my fault and then I had to stop concentrating on 'him' and what he did and start concentrating on ME and getting myself better.
To your daughter, I offer hugs and LOTS of understanding. But the main part of recovering from abuse is cognitive therapy, group support, and will power. Now I know...'will power' sounds like it's small but THAT is what will get her to where she wants to be. Remember that in lieu of the abuse, she has to deal with the fact that the abuser was someone she was supposed to be able to trust - a JW - and so the religious aspect plays a roll in it all too. If she wants to feel better and wants to be able to deal with her situation, then she will search for the help that is the best fit for HER. I wish you both the best. PM me if you want to chat!!
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Heaven
looloo... I feel so badly for you and your daughter, as well as her boyfriend because he is also suffering. Have you thought about looking into hypnotherapy?
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Mad Sweeney
She definitely needs professional help. If the past professionals haven't helped, she needs different professionals.
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aSphereisnotaCircle
I know it's awful but 7 years isn't that long.
That's why abuse is so bad, it haunts you and haunts you and haunts you.
Sometimes for the rest of your life, especially if you have no support system.
Your a great Mom for supporting her and not blaming her, that will help her tremendously, perhaps more then anything else.
And I agree with the above posters, if she isn't getting a lot of benefit from counseling, maybe it's time to find a new one. I've seen about 9 or 10 couselors over the years, 2 of them were excellant and their help was absolutley priceless to me. The others ranged from somewhat helpful to very unhelpfull time and money wasters.
Did I tell you your a great Mom? I wish my Mom had been like you.
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looloo
thankyou all so much for your advice , i will chat with her on thursday about her options on where to go from here . a spereisnotacircle thankyou so much for saying im a great mom it means a lot as i havnt felt like a great mum as i did not keep my child safe from harm and im so gratefull to my girl for never blaming me for getting involved with jehovahs witnesses , which indirectly led to her abuse . heaven yes i will look into hypnotherapy , thanks , baby girl30 thanks for sharing your story , was your mum any help to you ? blondie thankyou for your well informed information as always ! thanks and kind regards x
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peaches
get a different psychiatrist....medical doctor....she needs medications for depression,,,ptsd,,,,etc....she also might need a "job coach"....contact a social worker about getting this or your doctor might know,,,,it does NOT mean she is slow...it means she needs some mental assistance until she gets on her feet....
there are also programs that she can be enrolled in....none of these things are permanent...she could also get a "case worker" for assistance...
she could UN-ENROLL,,,when ever she felt strong enough....these things take time to work....HOWEVER ....with the right support she will get better...how much better is the next question.....these things "COULD" haunt her for the rest of her life..but to a different degree...
get her some help...there is financial assistance available for these things...take advantage of what is out there....the world has alot to offer...get her into a routine....and get her off the psych ward....yes,,,been there,,,done that.....
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looloo
peaches , she has a Social worker at the moment and yes i agree with you about getting her off the psych ward , she also told me she loves going for walks with the women patients and told me she has more in common with them than the staff ! i dont think its a good idea doing that kind of work as even though she wants to help people with problems , i feel she has enough on her plate coping with her own problems without dealing with other peoples , but she needs to be busy x
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truthlover
Has your daughter laid charges against him?? She should - it may help her to regain her self esteem... but it will be a long hard road and maybe she cant go on that road yet.....