Any one still dwelling or struggling with JW family still? (Hello old friends, I back for the moment)

Butterflyleia85

So how is everyone on here? Anything new? It's been a little over a month since I been on here?

So what's new with me... well May 29th is when my sister and her husband is getting Baptized as a JW! Should I go?

Bluh I don't think I want too. But my mom kind felt the need to stress how important it was to her and how important in general it is.

Well that's retarded because I stressed how important it was for her to look up the history of our up bringing as a JW... where it originated etc.

That did me no good. In fact it's officially been three months since I heard or seen my sister. I have learned not to look at her pictures or visit her facebook because it kills me inside. I miss her so much and yet I know and feel it doesn't have to be this way... so I get mad and upset inside.

I have dreams about what it could be or what would happen if I were faced with certain circumstances... What I would say or do.

I usually end up going off on them mad and looking crazy. I usually also see them now as zombies. Dumb and stubborn.

Crap though why can't I now accept them that that's just the way they want to live so be it. Well I'm not going to go to my sister's baptism... and she's not talking to me so now I'm hurt and mad. But I feel like if she does show interest in me I will sucker into her like I always do.

I always had a hard time being the tough or mean sister ... she always got her way and I would always be the one feeling sorry and giving into her. I value our relationship why can't she ever make that effort too. Now that I done stepped over the 'worldly side' and she has build up a new life with new friends 4 hours away from me, I feel it will never be the same.

Any one still dwelling or struggling with JW family still?

BabaYaga

I dare say most of us still have loved ones inside.

bluecanary

Hi Butterfly! I'm not in your predicament, but my advice would be to put the burden of support on her. Tell her that you'd like to go to her baptism but that you need to know you can count on EQUAL support from her. Will she be willing to [go to your wedding; baby's baptism; etc] whatever life events you may have that JWs don't go to. She can't expect to get more than she's willing to give.

Butterflyleia85

Thanks for the advice, Bluecanary!! That's a good one.

BabaYaga, yeah I do agree... I believe that's probably why most of us are still on this board. But thank god there is such board. We all can share thoughts and incouragement.

Thanks for the comments.

<3 <3

Sara

Mad Sweeney

Bluecanary nailed it.

Part of the problem here, Butterflyleia85, is that Jehovah's Witnesses are indoctrinated to feel no compassion for anyone not doing the things the Borg requires of active members. If you don't go to meetings and out in service it doesn't matter if you're the kindest, most loving sister in the world to her; you're not a Dub.

Force her to face just how wrong that Dub thinking is. Not by telling her it's wrong; that NEVER works. Just be a normal, kind, and happy person. Not a doormat, just a normal, kind, and happy person. She will see the difference someday. Never give up hope of that.

I like to look at it this way: I am much closer to having my family completely out of the Borg than they are to the mythical phantom they call Armageddon.

cult classic

Hey Butterfly, yeah still have lots of family in. It's hard. They are not shunning us and actually our siblings are as close as ever b/c they agree with us on so much. However, the rest of the family isn't as close to us b/c we don't attend meetings anymore. We're fine with it. Pretty much expected this from them. Doesn't make it any more difficult to swallow though. Hang in there.

Do you think it will soothe things between you and your sister if you went to the baptism? It may show her that you're willing to support her no matter what and then she might be moved to reciprocate in kind.

Cult Classic

Found Sheep

Hey Butterfly,

My Brother has been shunning me now for almost two years since I stopped going to meedings. He was 1/2 polite till I married a worldly man. He has not met his Brother in law 1 and 1/2 years married and I don't forsee him any time soon meeting. It has been extreamly hard for me. He didn't even let me tell him "why" I don't go. He didn't want to hear it!

Black Sheep

If she refuses to discuss the doctrines and practices of the religion with you, that is a good sign that the religion is just as big a scam as any other religion that does the same. Moonies, Mormons, Exclusive/Plymouth Bretheren, Scientologist do that too.

If she was joining one of those would she feel the same way if you didn't go to her baptism/whatever they have? Would she be correct to feel like that? Would it be out of order for you not to attend?

Ask anyone who hassles you those questions and any other question along the same lines that you can think of. Try not to tell them anything as they won't listen. Just ask questions and don't let them get away with any BS reasoning. If they say something you know isn't supported by the WT ask them to prove it.

........... And don't let them change the subject. If they want to change the subject/wiggle/squirm/attack your character/whatever, that is a strong indication that you have asked the right question. Stay on it. Make them feel guilty for not answering it. Draw attention to their double standards if they ever apply any. Act offended at any attempt to deceive you. They have no moral high ground and don't ever let them think that you believe they have. If they want have the moral high ground they have to prove they have it without any bullying or deception, the same as any other convert of any other religion has to. Respect has to be earned, not demanded. Make sure they know that.

Cheers

Chris

flipper

BUTTERFLYLEIA- Good to see you posting ! Lots of support here on the board. Yes- I'm still struggling with JW family still. I think many of us here are. Still trying to reach out to my JW daughters 23 and 21 yrs. old. I'm sending a bunch of old pictures of my grandparents and great grandparents to them and their other JW cousins and my 3 older JW brother and sisters. Using Steve Hassan's methods of like MAD SWEENEY said, " just be a normal, kind, and happy person. " That is great advice. It causes our JW relatives confusion and gets them to thinking when they see us happy and prospering. They are told that we all fall apart and turn evil outside the witnesses. Show them different- that's my motto.

I agree with CULT CLASSIC that nothing would be wrong with just attending your sisters baptism to show emotional support. It doesn't mean you AGREE with their beliefs -you are just being kind and supporting your sister's right of freedom of choice - that's all. Hopefully by you setting a good example for HER she will get a clue down the road. Don't expect progress overnight though with your sister. These things take time. As time goes by and you treat her and your mother with kindness and show them you are doing well - it will surprise them. My youngest daughter told me she was surprised I'm so happy after not attending meetings for 6 years now. Just keep the good work up. You're on the right track. Just try controlling your temper and don't diss their beliefs - or they will put a wall up you will not be able to penetrate. Remember- they are cult mind controlled. Hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Butterflyleia85

If you don't go to meetings and out in service it doesn't matter if you're the kindest, most loving sister in the world to her; you're not a Dub.

So So True!! Wow do I remember the JW days. I can't believe we forced ourselves to think that way. I mean yeah I knew that is what we had to think but man I was raised by a spiritually weak mom and the pressure by the family wow yeah i bet after my fall into the 'world' my sister is twice as 'strong' then what she was and me being the bad example or should I say a perfect example as to why not speak to DFed... she has built a no speaking to DF person period policy for herself. I also... or mostly think it's a sociel thing too. If it wasn't for her JW friends she wouldn't feel as obligated to cut herself off from me and our cousins that aren't baptised. At least the old ones, or our grandparents, aunts & uncles, and of course our parents are proud of her... it for sure doesn't make it easy in reconizing any of my kindness unless I became JW.

Do you think it will soothe things between you and your sister if you went to the baptism?

I'm not sure anymore. Things are so different between us. But from past experience she was the spoiled child and even I drove her around, bought her the fashion clothes etc. Because I was her big sister and I wanted her to be cool and not have to go through what I went through in school. But now she's older and wow she is so selfish. I got the boot when I sinned because I was baptised and knew better but because she isn't baptised she sinned and received no punishment. Which is fine by me because I would hate for her to have to go through DFment... but that thing is she now feels worthy and holy to shun me!! After all we been through and all the love and support I gave her!!! It just hurts me inside that's all.

She wants me to understand... which I can... but now I know the truth about my old religion and beleive so much that this is all wrong!! It doesn't have to be this way!!! And why can't she understand that and talk to me about it!!!

Any one still dwelling or struggling with JW family still? (Hello old friends, I back for the moment)

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