There are different levels of fading, being 'undercover', etc. Some are just beginning to figure shit out and are still afraid and not sure what to do. Others are further along but yet have no support system in place to rely on should they suddenly be left out in the cold. And then others are completely out and only have to deal with JW matters in relatives that are still in. Many go from one level to the others as time goes by. And yes....there are some who are in the manipulative state that you speak of. They know it isn't "the truth" yet don't really do anything other than hide their thoughts and feelings and just go through motions of living.
I'll speak from my perspective and situation. I haven't been to a KH meeting aside from a few memorials and a couple of weddings in several years. I'm out. I ain't going back. I've made it clear. I go to the memorial because my JW family usually makes a concentrated attempt to get me to attend. They have hope (false that it is) that it will spur me to action. I go only to appease them for the moment and I've learned that going to one religious event a year, be it JW, Mormon, Catholic or any other silly superstitous ritual ain't gonna kill me.
I've given up trying to convince most JW relatives of anything. If they wanna be JWs and they're happy, who am I to screw with that? Freedom of religion and all that... can't preach it if you don't practice it.
I married for better or worse and the worst part is that my wife still has some JW thinking and beliefs still instilled in her. She's not an active member but she has the guilt and fear instilled. I think...I believe...that in time, she'll come to her senses. She's very intelligent and savvy in everything she's involved with...except the religion she was raised in from birth. She recieves tremendous guilt trips from her over righteous JW mother. Mothers and daughters...need I say more?
There are times to speak and there are times to keep quiet. I have my own thoughts and opinions about the WTS and while I may speak openly with an ex-JW board or other ex-JWs I've met or even non-JW friends, I know that it keeps the peace to not continually go on and on about it to people who still believe. I have a friend who is a serious Catholic. I have, on more than one occasion, insulted her with my unchecked opinion of the Catholic church. I've learned the hard way to respect, well...at least keep quiet about her beliefs, no matter how stupid they seem to me.
I also have thoughts and opinions about the management style of the company where I work. I can speak of these things with certain people, but if I want to keep my job, I'll keep my mouth shut when in the presence of the CEO.
I chose my screen name based on where I was when I joined the board. When I knew something was seriously wrong but hadn't come to complete grips with it. I was scared shitless posting the first time....but excited that I might finally be able to communicate with people who knew something of what I felt and feared. But I needed to stay on the down low and I was afraid of being found out...as if the elders had my PC rigged or something.
As time went by, I lost a lot of the paranoia and the fear. The name 'undercover' isn't as appropro as it once was but since I'm only faded and not DFd, I prefer to keep it that way, I like to move amongst the enemy without being known as such.
Another consideration; the larger the JW family, the harder it is for one to just say 'fuck it all' and walk off. Yea, there's a game afoot when you have to juggle these things, but it can be done. We make sacrifices for family on many levels, not just religious. If I wasn't married, I could do a lot of things I've wanted to do. Is that my freedom being curtailed...or is it giving up something in order to keep something else more cherished?
As for the question,
Are you going to let JW's manipulate your life's decisions or make your life, your own?
I can't, or won't, answer for anyone else but I can answer that I make my own decisions. The influence of the WTS has no bearing on what I do when it comes to life decisions. It shows in little things...like my grooming. No self respecting JW looks like I do. I make my freedom from that cult apparent in my dress and grooming. I have no fear of being seen in public in places that a JW shouldn't be, whether it's a biker bar, a pool hall, a strip club or a movie theater to see an R-rated movie. I read what I want. I watch what I want. I do what I want with no reflection on what the WTS or God or anyone else, except my immediate family, says about it. I've taken a stand in big issues as well. I have faced down my entire family on the blood policy, ready to accept it during surgery. You don't know what righeous indignation is until you tell JW family that you're going to sign papers to accept blood. Don't believe me....try it...
I respect people who DA. There is something about making that stand and refusing to compromise. But it's the ability to compromise that makes a man noble....wait, that's from Braveheart, scratch that... it's the ability to compromise that can help one adjust from the control of the WTS to freeing one's mind, then one's body from their clutches.
