How Did You Move on to Relationships with non-JWs?

by daringhart13 19 Replies latest social relationships

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  daringhart13

  This is a really fascinating topic for me.....mainly because I'm single LOL

  But what was it like to navigate through the waters of other people while getting into relationships? Did you wonder what to do about holidays? How to explain your history of religion? Your lack of college?

  I've been dating quite a bit....but most of them were fringe 'sisters'..... a few were non-JWs......I would love to hear how difficult it was for you....or not difficult....and what were the challenges and the rewards.....
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  JWoods

  Well, she liked to have a good time, and I liked to have a good time,

  so that was pretty much matches and gasoline.

  Didn't try to over-analyze the whole thing, really.
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  miseryloveselders

  Daringhart13, allow me to ask you a question, I'll be brief as I don't want to hijack this thread but I think this is reasonable. Ok...what's it like to date nonJW women without looking over your shoulder?
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  Lozhasleft

  When I met my now hubby it was a while before I told him about my religious past ...although I did indicate that I'd been very religious. He's a confirmed atheist and one day he said 'Please tell me you weren't a JW'...when he found out I was he was horrified and it almost came between us!! I never had heard such an antagonist reaction ...he really despises the way they impose themselves onto people and oppress them with fear and cult type ways...we've had some pretty interesting discussions to say the least...lol... Loz x
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  VoidEater

  The hard part was to trust that they weren't just out to get laid. I wanted a *relationship*.

  The best tool was listening, finding out what they were interested in, what they did for fun.

  Then I had to trust enough to get involved in what they were interested in. Having been a JW, I had no real interests of my own other than reading the Watchtower.

  The issue of my past wasn't all that important (maybe I was talking to self-absorbed types, I don't know). Like Loz, I just said I had a very religious upbringing.

  But through these relationships I learned more about what regular people did, and got interested in things. I've always been a better listener than a talker, and nature took its course when I got out of the way.
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  Aussie Oz

  Most women i got close to post JW and divorce were like 'you poor thing!'

  They didn't ask many questions about it and i didnt volunteer. I wanted it to be a non issue basically. Most of my new friends and aquantences still dont know, only a select few and again, it is a non issue.

  Getting into birthdays and christmas was a bit tough, lucky that my new wife and her family are pretty laid back about those holidays etc anyway. I do get involved now but i can still take it or leave it.
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  yknot

  Ummm being the 'man' of the relationship......

  You need to concentrate on what your personal views on these subjects are...... women love a man who his 'own man'...... it makes girls wanna follow you when you are not chasing them

  Do you wanna celebrate holidays? If so which ones?

  Why do you need to explain your history of religion, once you fully leave, your current religious beliefs are all that matter. (hmm maybe start making the rounds in ExJW meetups....at least they will totally get where you are coming)

  Lack of college......OH NO THAT WILL NOT DO MY DEAR BIG BROTHER DARINGHART!!!!! You are just going to have to cave to 'peer pressure' and start going back like the rest of us! Oh yes going back to college is the 'big' and 'in' thing to do!!! And honestly it will only add value to your life.

  Most state universities and community colleges offer the basics online and courses can be completed in 4, 8 and 16 week segments. Depending on your degree you might be able to get credit based on your experience if it is in the same field. Also many of us 'Clep' a credit.

  If for some reason you still are holding onto Uncle Fred's religious opinions on oral sex......you will need to ditch them as a man's ability is expected by women these days....... so make a point to brush up on sexual techniques and positions (always practice safe sex!)

  The rest..... obviously being a JWgirl, married to a worldly I can't answer........ I hope you are willing to chronicle your experiences for the lurkers sake, as you know many read for a long period of time before properly joining in the discussion.....surely there are many anticipating such a challenge.

  However .......you seem to have a grasp of asking girls out, so you shouldn't have many problems beyond the average male experience......

  Most worldy girls I know still like the man to initiate the 'chase', many aren't as immoral as the WT paints--though there are 'fast' girls.......

  Women in general thrive on balanced attention regardless of religious upbringing.

  The main difference is they don't care about your past theocratic standing.......and none of your past 'privileges' will make their panties wet.....

  Best Wishes in your hunt!
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  moshe

  FYI, telling a date that you used to be a JW is akin to telling them you used to be an alcoholic or drug addict.

  My wife nows vaguely that I used to go to the KH years and years ago, but for a Jew, those Christians are all in the same boat- well, JW's at least don't worship that pagan triune god.
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  mindmelda

  I'm the worst person possible to ask this because I've always been sociable with nearly EVERYONE in spite of technically being a Witness for so long.

  I just like people. Well most people, and I never could avoid them like Good Witnesses should.

  I'm good at being sociable...it requires, first of all, not being afraid of people for stupid WTS reasons and only being afraid for real reasons, like that someone is actually trying to harm you in some way.
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  daringhart13

  LOL....great stuff people......I'm just getting back online.

  Ynot,

  You're killing me.....LOL, hilarious. I love it. First...... I was roaring about the Uncle Freddy's oral sex comments....AWESOME....I can't stop laughing....however, no worries there..... I have a Master's Degree in that area ;) ....... and I enjoy giving :)

  I was more curious what other people's experiences were. To be honest, I love the ladies..... and the only thing that has seemed awkward was the lack of college. But then again, that bothers me too (I have no idea why this is in bold)....... that is one thing I have a problem with.....

  I've wondered if the other gentlemen have had any awkward experiences meeting people after being indoctrinated....especially if they were raised a JW.

  I don't plan on talking about it.....but I'm not naive enough to think it isn't somewhat of a hurdle to get over.

  Misery,

  Lets just say I LOVE being an "adult" now....dating an attractive woman no matter her background is like being let out of jail.....