Just re-read your comments again & I forgot to thank you chickpea for your empathy........
Hoab
Wasted life.
by Heartofaboy 26 Replies latest jw friends
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sabastious
They did what they felt was best for themselves and their family. What else can you ask from the Patriarch and the Matriarch?
-Sab
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Chalam
Hello Heartofaboy,
What can I say to help them?
Show them this.
Isaiah 43:18-19 (New International Version)
18 "Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.Blessings,
Stephen
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Hadit
So heartbreaking it made me cry. All the sadness and pain this organization has caused is just awful. Finding out the truth is traumatizing especially when you have put so many years into it.
My thoughts: Let them know that they are great parents and that they did the best they could with information that they had. Their life has not been a waste and you mentioned that you have a close family - well - they BEAT the WT because they tear families apart and yours is close - they must be wonderful people to keep you guys close like that. Let them know how much you appreciate them. Support them in whatever decision they make. Tell them how much you love them. The WT has NOTHING on unconditional love.
All the best to you and your family.
Hadit
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Sapphy
If they're in their 80's and can't or don't want to leave, maybe you could help them be positive about their own Christianity?
Ray Franz' In search of Christian Freedom would be excellent if they would read it. It doesn't do anything for me but it is incredibly useful for ex-witnesses who want to remain in the non-trinitarian christian ethos.
Just reassure them that you know they did their very best for you and your siblings.
The wasted life feeling is very difficult, most of us suffer from it! But try to get them to concentrate on the good they've done for others. I'm sure they were hospitable, helped others where they could, contributed to a community feeling in the congregation. etc.
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Heartofaboy
You are so kind Hadit & Sapphy, I really appreciate what you have said.
I realise we may not have mum & dad with us in a few years time & I tell them I love them & they know we all do.
They can't understand why we don't blame them for raising us as JW's & we do tell them they only tried to do the best for us & no-one could ask for more than that..............& that we are glad they are are our mum & dad.
It helps them when we say this & they go on again for a while but then they go through a bit of a downer because of ill health & it all starts hitting home again.
'Expectation postponed' certainly makes the heart sick & the drivel the GB/FDS have fed us as 'Food at the right time' giving all the false hopes they told us to have faith in because they had the 'hotline' to God...........ARRRRRRGH makes me so ANGRY!
Dad doesn't read much now but mum has read the copy of 'Crisis of Conscience' I lent her. She read parts of the book to my father & it made a big impact.
Hoab
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Mad Sweeney
Love conquers all. Together you have beaten the Borg and you are still bound together by love. That's a WIN.
Please assure them that they did nothing wrong. Victims of a cult are victims, not perpretrators.
Part of what makes it so difficult for older people to come to grips with the WT being a mind control cult with incorrect doctrine is that it leaves them on the doorstep to the end of their life with NO IDEA what is going to happen next. That part is hard for anyone but for the elderly it is particularly difficult. When you KNEW for DECADES that you were going to live for paradise on earth and now you are NOT, it's traumatic. NOW WHAT?
Now you just love them more than ever. Try to show as much appreciation as possible. And encourage them to have faith in whatever representation of God they can still manage to believe in to do right by them, no matter what his name is or where they're going.
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DaCheech
I'm the only one left in the truth, besides my parent.
even though I have doubts and parent has had many bad things done by elders, they say: "stay in the truth", and want my children to stay in the truth.
they are like an abused mate!
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Heaven
I guess I would tell them that Jesus Christ did not belong to any organization so maybe there really isn't a need for one in order to have a relationship with him and therefore, God.
Heartofaboy.... you are very lucky to have such special parents. Wish mine had been like yours once they got dipped.
My goal has always been to show unconditional love to my JW parents and to try and give them some joy and sanity as they navigated their way through the cult. I have tried to live a good life, embracing and executing on Christ's teaching "Treat people the way you wish to be treated." I wanted to present to them an example of a 'worldly' person who was not evil. I hope I have been successful.
I think it has helped my folks see that at least some of what's going on in the Watchtower and with JWs is not exactly holding up to scrutiny.
A few days before my Mom passed away, at the end of the visit with her on that day after I had bent down to give her a kiss on the cheek, she grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes with a depth and clarity that had not been there in years. She smiled at me and told me she loved me and she thanked me for all my help. This had an enormous impact on me. That was over 8 years ago and it still brings me to tears. It has not been an easy road staying in contact with my JW parents as they have been quite mean sometimes over the years. In the end, you have yourself to live with after they are gone. Begin with the end in mind. What are you trying to accomplish with them? Love is the most important thing. This is what I have done.
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gubberningbody
I'm not 80 and I feel a bit lost.
I only spent 25 years in it, but enough to have learned things about the Bible and all crystalized religious structures to know that everyone has to take their own path and make their own way. You might travel for a bit with someone or someones on the same road for a bit, but if you want to stay on track you have to be willing to say goodby.
Makes me think of Jesus when he said you can't be his follower unless you give up your possessions.