Not very long ago, I had a nice chat with my good friend, another JWN poster (IsaacAustin) and we discussed elders going after people or just leaving them alone and even occasionally giving them a break. I said how I would try to give a break when I was an elder, going so far as to tell a young person "Just don't smoke again" and letting that be the end of it. My friend asked for some background on why I was like that. I thought I would share it if it could help anyone to understand the elders better or even understand me better.
When I was newly appointed an elder, I was all gung-ho to follow God's direction through the organization. If they said "Jump" I would jump. A judicial matter came before the body right after I and another fellow were appointed. A young lady got herself into some trouble and also the Presiding Overseer's son got into some trouble. Our presiding overseer excused himself from both cases naturally. The young lady case was too much like his son's case and he said he would have "no freeness of speech" or some such excuse. Anyway, his buddy on the body kind of insisted on being on the P.O.'s son's judicial committee and another committee was formed for the lady. They put the two inexperienced elders (me and the other new guy) on a committee with a quiet nerdy elder. He chaired the committee and I spoke with the lady that same day to establish a time for all of us to meet- the very next day seemed most convenient to all involved.
Our lady was involved in fornication. While it didn't occur with the P.O.'s son, it was clear that the two of them were running in the same circle and knew the details of each other's case. Their WT-defined "sins" both occured at the same time in the same home and we were going to have to talk to the guy as well as the girl. She would also have to speak with us about his case. Don't get me wrong. If these two simply confessed, it could have been two open-and-shut cases. But they clearly overlapped, and if anyone wanted to deny something, we would have to pry using the other as a witness. Our lady confessed and threw herself on our mercy. All well and good. We ended our discussion with the lady saying that as soon as we gathered some more information from others, we should be able to wrap this up in one more session.
So we phoned the P.O. and told him that we needed to handle both cases. He was kind of confused, but said we would discuss it at the next meeting. Our chairman phoned the other chairman and asked him not to meet with the guy, but to wait for another elders' meeting to sort this out. At the next elders' meeting, the P.O.'s buddy said he didn't see why our committee was trying to force itself onto both cases. We explained how they intertwined and he said "Then form a new committee for both." That was silly, we already met with the girl and we WERE the new committee that should meet with both. The other 2 elders agreed with us. That left only the P.O. and his buddy. The P.O. already said he would not vote on the matter, so it really only left his buddy disagreeing with us.
The elders could not understand why he wanted to start from scratch with both cases. Finally, he blurted out that he wanted to be on the guy's committee and would just have to be on both to do that. He actually admitted that he wanted to know what happened and needed to be on that committee to know just that. After blurting that out, every elder (even the P.O.) basically said to give it up and let the first committee handle the matter. There was no point in making the girl confess again to a new committee.
So we did handle both cases- they both turned out to be confessions with no further witnesses called in.
We also divulged no details to the P.O. nor any elder outside of the committee. Neither person was DF'ed, so it was a pretty easy matter to close the books on these cases. The P.O.'s buddy wanted us to tell him who said what but we knew policy was to say that these folks were found repentant and put on restrictions AND TO SAY NOTHING ELSE. All others involved were not JW's and not our problem. The two teens involved were over 18 and considered adults and that was the end of the matter. But I stopped to wonder why the P.O. and the experienced elders didn't push to make this all get handled by one judicial committee to begin with. It was like they wanted to help the boy out of trouble with his dad's friend on the committee, but wanted the appearance of separation of the two "sinners" by having a separate committee. Us young elders (I know, an oxymoron) would have been none the wiser if one committee were formed with P.O.'s buddy on the case.
Our experienced chairman basically told us that the girl had no connections in the organization, her parents were not connected and were just regular publishers. He went on to tell us that the body of elders didn't want others to even think her sins reached the knowledge of the P.O.'s son, so they hoped different committees would give the appearance that their "sins" were not connected in anyway. He admitted that gossip would start from both cases (it did) and that was what the P.O. and his buddy were trying to manipulate.
I learned from that case and from observing the experienced elders afterward that the elders would protect their own families beyond the normal help extended to others. The P.O.'s buddy and the P.O. met with the buddy's daughter when she was involved in something (not sure what) and never formed a judicial committee saying they followed procedure and handled a matter without the need for judicial proceedings. It was only mentioned to us because someone else was involved and we might find out about it anyway (we did not).
I decided that I would ALWAYS extend the same kindness to anyone in the congregation, connected or not. We were supposed to kindly help people, so I would. If I were ever put on an "investigative committee" (two elders who gather information to see if a matter needed to become judicial) I would almost always squash the matter. I would tell the other elder that the person realized their wrong and we could inform the P.O. that there was no need to investigate further. If I were to become aware of WT-defined sin on my own (without another elder's knowledge) I would counsel and not even tell anyone about it. That's what the elders were doing for their families in my cong. and that's what I did for anyone.
Oh, if someone was involved in adultery or the worst sin of all, smoking, I couldn't squash it if another elder knew about it. Same with some things that were widely known, but I did what I could for the members and tried to get them to say the right words like "I promise not to discuss doctrine with my disfellowshipped son." I never insisted that people promised to shun someone and I told other elders that we just couldn't ask that much of these people who clearly loved their family.
Shortly after that, I saw the casual attitude of the elders toward the 1995 change in "generation" doctrine and I learned further that obedience to the doctrine was important, but not to take it so "seriously." These were also the same guys that tried to handle problems in the cong. within 2 weeks of a C.O. visit, then when the C.O. asked if there were any ongoing problems, they could honestly say, "No, everything has been handled properly."
Occasionally, I was told that I was too easy on people. I took it as a compliment. I never cared for being an elder, I only thought Jehovah wanted me to be one. So I was free to be myself. All they could ever do was threaten to take my "title" away and I didn't care if they did.
Thanks for plodding through my story. Let me know if it helped anyone.