Help! Hold Me Back From Voicing My Opinions And Getting Shunned! (page 3)

MMXIV

Welcome nextdoorgirl,

I kept my mouth shut which was frustrating at times. I faded slowly over time and left. I never said anything to my family who are old and I can now see them when I want - no issues - we just don't talk about the truth. I planned it carefully, bit my tongue on occassions but I wouldn't change what I did and very glad of the choices I made. I'm not frustated anymore - it's just great to be free - putting your thoughts onto the forum can help.

I don't know what it's like to be shunned, but know that the truth was destructive enough in my life without being shunned so in terms of self preservation I just didn't want to lose contact with my family.

MMXIV

bohm

hey!

I second reading Steves books - in particular the second one is all about helping family. Once the cat is out of the bag, the situation will be out of your hands and as you properly know more than me - being right and being able to blow a doctrine to pieces will have less impact on the average dub than the average hardcore 'you-will-burn-in-hell' baptist you met door-to-door, and you know how that went most of the time... Its sad but true.

quietlyleaving

girlnextdoor

hi and welcome

Keep at holding back on voicing your opinions.

Doctrines are of secondary importance amongst many JWs imo. Many are there because

" their simple souls fear the hard ways of the world and the struggle for bread more than the loneliness of the sad Watchtower"

(by simple I mean innocent and without guile as many are poets at heart and have taken refuge within the WTS)

And these ones are prepared to fight for their castle. Best not to get into an argument with them.

hope this helps

ql

edit; focus on yourself, read Steve's books etc. Many many come to sites like these but choose to stay.

nextdoorgirl

Good Thoughts, good thoughts. I read them, and appreciate them.

I feel like I haven't been thinking for so long! I was a born in, though inactive for 2 years from discouragement and a sense that "no one loves me"

- a real wakeup call! - and recently awoke to the facts a month or two ago. This board was a major source for that, as well as Youtube. (Thanks all you XJWs for your awesome life-saving efforts!! You saved mine!

Anyway....now that I'm practicing thinking....and still suffering from the isolation that comes when "no one loves you" (family and "friends" are JWs and are the most cold unloving people ever)....I am needing to talk! Just talk!

I need to talk to process thoughts! As I talk, my brain warms up! I come to new realizations, epiphanies! But, if I had not listeners then...I certainly don't now. (My meager attempts at thinking then, was always strongly discouraged, and more than once got me eyed suspicoiusly as an "independent thinker..."

HA! That's pathetic. I barely thought at all! Well...now, I am well on my way to exercising that wonderful, euphoria-producing brain...and I need to speak, speak, SPEAK to do it properly! I feel if I cannot speak, than I cannot think! A common expression among women.

Maybe we can talk here? I'll consider it.

Thank You, NextDoorGirl

not a captive

You do need to think before you talk. To "look before you leap".

This is the only place where JW tissues are thoroughly tried by others. Not saying that quiet meditating can't get you where you need to go--but this board will rake an idea out fast.

Talk here to get thoughts well settled. You will find yourself outside the Organization once you say something. So know what and why it is worth it to you.

It is great to think. We'll look for more thoughts from you in the days coming.

Maeve

seattleniceguy

Hey NextDoorGirl,

Great to see you here. If it's food for thought you're looking for, you've come to the right place. :-)

I need to talk to process thoughts! As I talk, my brain warms up! I come to new realizations, epiphanies!...and I need to speak, speak, SPEAK to do it properly! I feel if I cannot speak, than I cannot think!

I think what you describe is a feature not so much of speaking per se, but of externalization. Both speaking and writing engage a rationalization engine that forces us to put our (possibly) nebulous thoughts into concrete terms, which helps us to come to the epiphanies you describe. Of course, having real-life conversations is excellent because of the real-time feedback, but for when you can't, you might find that writing produces a similar effect. This board is a great place to do that, and a private journal is helpful too. Just keep the externalization going and the revelations will keep coming.

See you around!

SNG

QuestioningEverything

Welcome!!!

Don't do it-yet. Continue to do research and inform yourself about the real "truth". You will see that sharing that information with others cold turkey very rarely works. You must proceed slowly to help others learn. It's difficult to do but worth the effort.

Terry

You might want to take a step back.

Family and Friends..........what definition would attach to that phrase?

Family consists of people whom you are related to who know you better than anybody else.

Friends are those who value you for who you are and want only the best for you.

If your Family, who know you best, and Friends who want only the best for you are willing to cut you dead for the crime of

(gasp!) THINKING-----

what are we to conclude about honesty, values, empathy and truth for those people?

You are willing to accept them IN SPITE of their holding contradictory beliefs and yet they are NOT willing to do the same for you.

Stop and think. Take a deep breath and ask a simple and profound question of yourself.

IS THE PRICE of your relationship one to be paid in lies, double-talk, suppression of individuality and false hope?

What would make an honest person willing to PAY such a burden?

You have only one intellectually honest move without destroying who you are. You tell the Truth and watch what happens!

See if THEY LOVE YOU enough to value your journey from passive-acceptance-of-authority to one who values non-contradictory-evidence.

God can't die. You can.

If you live your life for a lie and die---what are you? What value did you have on this Earth for anybody?

A family and a friend looks out for its own in a way which does not require the destruction of the person they love.

Jesus left the 99 sheep to go look for the one who strayed and carried that one back.

Jesus did not shun the stray, did he?

You'll immediately see who and what you are really dealing with when you tell the Truth!

Anybody in your life who cannot or will not tolerate your telling them the Truth is NOT WORTH HAVING in your life can calling them friend or family.

Give them the opportunity to be who you "think" they are. Give them a chance.

See if they return the favor.

The only medicine for self-destruction is self-construction.

Pick up a hammer and start building your new life according to what does not contradict itself.

nextdoorgirl

Terry, that was awesome! Awesome. Thank you, I will think hard on that....I have been realizing that...but I loved it. I needed that reminder like I need air! And a HUG!

Thank you everyone else too! I love all your support and ideas!

By the way, anyone have any good sayings, quotes to put on a bouqet to one of my friends? I declared it her day tomorrow, and I'm having flowers delivered to her work (she recently complained her MS/Pioneer boyfriend never does anything nice like that for her...and she hates her job and feels so kicked around there).

She was born in, and never celebrated, like most of us. I want to celebrate her tomorrow and give her unconditional love, as some of you have suggested. What would be a great "women are special" "I value you" quote?

Thanks!

jamiebowers

Welcome to JWN. Words to the wise: being shunned is very painful. Think about that when you want to announce the truth about the "truth". As for a special message to your friend, why not say something that is special about her specfically?

Help! Hold Me Back From Voicing My Opinions And Getting Shunned!

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