I think I have a sub-conscious desire to be D'Fd

by troubled mind 10 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  troubled mind

  After fading for four yrs I live like i want ,but Big Brother is always watching out there .

  1 ) Fading is not conducive with putting Christmas lights on your house when Witnesses live in close proximity

  2) Putting Apostate videos in your favorites on youtube when one of your contacts is still an active witness ,again not a good idea for a fader that still has Witness relatives

  3) Drinking a bit too much in public and sharing a drag off a cigarette in front of an exjw blabber mouth that still reports to her Mother REALLY bad idea .....

  4) Admitting to Elder you think 'new light ' is BS .......felt really good ,but will no doubt go over like a lead balloon with his buddies back at the KH club

  Getting a message on answering machine from Elder wanting to come over for another visit ..........feels like my sub-conscious may get it's wish after all
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  cult classic

  Hi TM - I can understand that. Kind of like you want closure to the whole JW exit. I get it.
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  troubled mind

  I don't really want them having any power over me ....but they f'n do .......I can't just do what I want because it is always hanging over my head .....

  I HATE THIS SO MUCH
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  cult classic

  Yeah - I've had my moments when I realized how much the witness belief is in my head. Some days I would pay good money for a lobotomy.... lol

  hang in there. you're not alone.
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  crapola

  I totally understand how you feel. There are times when I wish I would be df'd just so it would finally be completly over. But I have so many family members still in. That keeps me from doing anything to drastic.
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  leavingwt

  Being officially out is the best thing that ever happened to me. The JWs are OUT of my life.
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  troubled mind

  Well I am pretty sure my actions this weekend will not go unnoticed ...thus the Elders phone call .....it probably will be a relief for me ,but not for my husband and his parents ...
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  thetrueone

  JWS are just exploited individual numbers used by the Corporation if you are submissive to their commandants

  and curtail yourself to their design, you get to stay in as a member.

  But who would want to keep themselves attached as a member to this viral corruption,

  supporting it along the way.
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  AK - Jeff

  My two cents?

  On one hand, DA'ing was the best thing I ever did. It cut the strings. It allowed me freedom to hang the American Flag, do the holidays, wear patriotic clothing, etc. To be honest, other than a few things like that, my life is not much different than it ever was. I have changed a great deal, mentally and emotionally, but externally not that much.

  I lost my best friends, though in honesty, they were only shills, not real friends. Still, it hurts. Had I done a 'good fade' I could probably still have the occasional conversation with people I knew when we bumped into one another - but really, what would we talk about. And then there is the whole 'good fade' thing, which entails playing games that I was not willing to do.

  All in all - I wouldn't change a thing. I was open, honest, and forthright. I walked out and never went back. I never played any games about what I knew about the religion. I faded a little at first, but knew almost from the beginning that it was hopeless for me. I just call 'em as I see 'em, and that honesty won't hold out long against that bunch.

  I wish you well in this matter. But for me? Honesty is the best policy. There is pain in leaving, but to me the pain of playing a fade would have been far harder. Life is too short IMO for that. But everyone has to weigh it based on their circumstance.

  Namaste

  Jeff
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  mkr32208

  Just streak naked through the hall and get it over with...