Anyone get divorced because of differing beliefs?

by NiceDream 20 Replies latest social relationships

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  NiceDream

  Lately my husband has been miserable, but isn't talking. He is really upset that he is "stuck with me" now that he knows I question my beliefs. I thought we could explore the Bible together and I hoped he would come to the same conclusion as me, but he won't do that. He seems severely brainwashed and shuts down before I can say anything.

  The trouble is we have a young child, and I'm currently not working. I wish I had realized this wasn't "the truth" before I had a child, because I don't want to get a divorce, or split up our family. My son loves my husband so much, and I would hate to break up their bond.

  Has anyone been in this situation? Does it get better?
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  Finally-Free

  Anyone get divorced because of differing beliefs?

  Yes, my ex often tried to convince me to come back to the cult. She would get on my back about it, and then she'd turn around and accuse me of "persecuting" her when I explained my reasons for not believing the WT. She insisted on her right to believe as she chose, which was not a problem for me. The problem was her refusal to acknowledge my equal right to disbelieve. There were other reasons as well, but I left her 6 months after I left the JWs. I had reason to believe she was planning on leaving me and that the elders were coaching her. My mom, also a JW, agreed with my assessment of the situation, in spite of the fact that I was a dirty, DA'd "apostate".

  I'm glad we didn't have any kids, or I'd probably be living a nightmare to this day with battles over custody or visitation. She's the sort of person who refuses to get along with anyone because she alone is holy.

  All I can suggest is don't get pushy about his beliefs. Maybe in time he'll see that you haven't morphed into a demonized, drug crazed, drunken sex addict and that ex-jws can be decent people too.

  W
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  garyneal

  My wife and I have not gotten divorced due to our differing beliefs but it has created tensions for us every so often.

  For us, we went into our marriage with differing beliefs. We were open to each others beliefs for a while but I guess the time came that we had to make a choice. She chose the Watchtower but after months of searching and soul searching, I concluded that I could not follow her in.

  She sometimes gets upset because we do not share 'spiritual goals' from time to time, but I remind her that this situation is just as hard for me as it is for her.

  I mean, at least I still go to the KH with her on occasion. She has never went to church with me since her newfound zeal for the religion. I fact I continue to throw in her face.

  But I don't blame her. If fact, I even tell her that it is not her fault. It is the WTS who tells her that she must do what they say and when they say it no matter what.
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  YoursChelbie

  I was married to a jdub when I was a jdub.

  We had the traditional KH wedding etc. but the marriage began to fall apart when his obsession over "reaching out" increased and I began to read the truth about the "truff."

  Had he been "inactive" things may have worked out. But no reasoning on my part would work and his greatest fear was me getting caught celebrating Christmas with my normal family.

  After many years of marriage I had to get out for the sake of the children. They needed a normal life, and the meetings were getting to be a chore as they got older and had homework. How could I make them stay in a boring meeting every Thursday from 7 to 9 pm? We deserved better and I moved along. Do it now that the children are little. They will be better off. Just make sure you have a support system and good day care so you can go to work. You can do it! As the children get older they will thank you.
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  wannabefree

  I have made my doubts known to my wife. I can tell it is going to be difficult when I make the leap. She is already treating me differently even though I am at present putting up the front. She already visions herself as the poor alone sister with the apostate husband not caring about the spirituality of the family, no witness social life, crying and alone at the kingdom hall. I wonder if she is already looking for a replacement? Doesn't the Borg allow spiritual endangerment as grounds for divorce ... or is that only justification for separation?
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  moshe

  My JW wife called me an apostate when I explained why I wasn't following the WT no-blood dogma any longer- that was around December of 1987. I went to my last Circuit assemble a few months later and wrote my exit letter to Brooklyn in May of 1989. My wife divorced me the following summer. I wasn't willing to keep my opinions to myself and she thought she was protecting the kids from me. They were 9 and 11 when she divorced me. 5 years later they weren't going to any KH meetings and were laughing at the stupid JW's.
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  awildflower

  Doesn't the Borg allow spiritual endangerment as grounds for divorce ... or is that only justification for separation?

  It can only be used as a grounds for separation and that's ONLY if you are endangering her spirituality by physically trying to keep her from the Hall or her worship. That has always been my understanding, because I was the wife with the "unbelieving mate" so I've looked into this extensively. But she will be lonely without you and she will probably start wishing for that "jw mate" and it may lead to her looking around. It's sad but true. Unless of course her love for you is very, very strong.
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  agonus

  This "rule" didn't prevent my JW wife from divorcing me. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
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  cognizant dissident

  I'm just currently divorcing and I won't say that was the only issue but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

  Is your marriage good otherwise? I think that could make a difference in whether it was salvageable or not.

  The other thing that will make a big difference is how far your mate is willing to go to try and bring you back to the fold. Mine was essentially shunning me in my own home.

  My advice, especially if you have young children, is try to work it out. Model the respect and tolerance for him and his beliefs that you wan't him to show you. You may be in a time in your life where you need to question, but he is not in a time in his life where he needs or wants to hear that. Take your questions elsewhere and let him come around at his own pace. He has as much right to stay as you do to leave.

  See how he responds to that. If you show respect and tolerance, and are willing to compromise with the children, perhaps teaching them both belief systems and letting them choose when they are grown up, then you have done your part. You'll just have to wait and see if he will meet you half way.

  That's the advice I got from my marriage counselor and even though my husband was not willing and we are divorcing, at least I know I did my part and everything in my power to save my marriage. I can walk away now, content with the outcome. Also, while I am very poor right now, I'm still much happier.
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  BluesBrother

  There are several of us here that have marriage mates that are still in... It is not always easy but it does settle down after a while..

  It is a real shock to them when one questions the beliefs that we once shared..We have found the courage to 'think the unthinkable' but a lot of dubs cannot handle it.

  At this early stage please try and reassure him that you still want the family to be together , that you still want him, and that you are not going to change into the dub stereotype of a "worldly woman"..Perhaps you can win him over in time, doing in reverse what they say for a Witness wife and unbelieving husband..

  Good luck..