Fear of being shunned

alfmel

For those who have been JWs and left,

1. How much did you delay your departure due to the fear of being shunned?

2. What percentage of the congregation would you estimate remains active due to the fear of being shuned if they were to leave?

OnTheWayOut

1. Difficult to determine. Depends on how much I feared shunning and how much I still feared Jehovah. Years, though. Then I faded to keep contact with my JW mother.

2. Many many young ones, quite a few spouses, a handful of adult children of JW's. My guess is somewhere between 10 and 30%.

I left right away after I'd simply had enough. I had no WT relatives, only in-laws. Personally, I don't recommend fading or even hiding your disbelief while pretending to be a Witness. I think it's better to cut the cord and get it over with so you can start rebuilding your life. In the long run, I think you're better off. But then, I've never been close to my family. Perhaps I would feel differently if I was.

IsaacJ

OnTheWayOut

I tend to agree with IsaacJ22, but each person has their own circumstances. I faded, but I don't pretend I still believe, I don't go to any meetings whatsoever. I only faded in the sense that I don't put up holiday decorations and I don't openly attend a church. I don't have kids, I don't want to put up decorations, but do celebrate with non-JW friends and coworkers. I don't want to go to church, but I will attend weddings and funerals. SO a fade is not so terrible in my situation. I am free to be me. Despite my wife's being "active," I virtually never cross paths with the JW's that were in my life other than family.

JWN is pretty slow today. You might bump this on Monday.

Scarred for life

I agree with Isaac J22 and OTWO. But everybody's circumstances are different.

I do believe when I look back on my parents that the last several years before my father died suddenly they were only staying somewhat active to avoid shunning by my mother's very active family. It's such a shame that my father wasted those years putting on a charade out of fear. We could have used that time for building our own family relationships.

cyberjesus

very broad range of answers, why dont you tell us what are your concerns then we can pitch in?

alfmel

very broad range of answers, why dont you tell us what are your concerns then we can pitch in?

I'm just trying to understand JWs. I don't want to destroy them, I simply want to understand them. I like studying religions and I try to understand why people believe what they believe. I don't really have concerns, really. I do feel bad for those who may wish to leave but fear rejection of loved ones. That's just tough, really tough.

jwfacts

I waited for 10 years after I lost faith for fear of shunning.

lesabre

1. i had never "meant" to leave. i was basicly pushed out by people shunning me based on liars, gossip, and people assuming things about me. them shunning me pushed me over the edge, depression wise. i was having severe panic attacks, anxiety, ocd's, self harming, suicidal.... i married a worldly boy and moved to his home town on the other side of the U.S. went to 1 meeting, assuming it would make me feel better, but i would freak out just THINKING of having my records moved here. so i never went back. then i was shunned by everyone else from previous congs. in other states.

2. looking back i have over heard PLENTY of people making little comments and talking about how the org just isn't right. i assume they stay for fear of loosing everyone.

aNewFreeME

I kinda always had doubts about this faith since childhood. 9 years ago tho is when I really started questioning whether I wanted to stay in this or not and became inactive off and on. 3 years ago is when I knew this was NOT my faith and became solidly inactive but knowing how my family would react I have been trying to fade. My family will know where I stand when they find out I didnt go to the DC this year and that will make it official.

Fear of being shunned

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