Help Please - Wife Misses Friends, Wants to return to KH

by Mad Sweeney 41 Replies latest jw friends

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  LongHairGal

  MAD SWEENEY,

  She misses these 'friends' but even if she were active, what would happen if they moved away? Even if she loved these people dearly, this does happen and she will have to make new friends. Of course, she should make new friends outside the religion. She needs a taste of unconditional friendships.

  COFFEE HOUSE GIRL,

  Even though I don't know if they still have them, I always hated those congregation get-togethers (picnics). Somebody who I am friends with said to me that she felt so lonely (because of the cliques and phoniness) that she might as well eat her sandwich by herself. Who needs their picnic with the 'canned' activities and watchful eyes? In two hours, I'd say 'bye'. (I'd rather stay home and watch TV).

  MINDMELDA,

  You are so funny. I just love your Reaction No. 2. I would get that from some there on the few occasions I went to a meeting. I call it the: "I don't want to say hello because I don't know what you are into" kind of look. When I am faced with types like this I just have a semi-pleasant look on my face that is neither a greeting nor a snub.

  They can take their righteousness and 'agape' love and stick it where the sun don't shine!
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  steve2

  Is she seeking your permission or approval to go back for the sake of her friendships? Sounds like she no longer believes in it 100% so what's the problem? Are you scared she might get hooked back in? Hardly likely unless she's inclined to let her emotions rule her brain. Tell her she has to make up her own mind (whilst silently thinking to yourselfthat she's a big girl now and the final decisions's hers).
• 

  Scott77

  Mad Sweeney,

  I sent you a PM
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  WuzLovesDubs

  My mother in law who was DAd in 99 decided in 02 that she was missing her friends badly and so went through a year of hell to get reinstated so she could be with them again. And after she was reinstated, it made no difference and the friendships were never the same as they were before. She was always regarded as tainted and held at arms length by them. It didnt take her long to be unable to stomach those meetings any more and came right back out a couple years later. Sometimes thats what it takes to put that final nail in things...stepping back in with those "new ears" on.

  I wouldnt worry about it.
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  cult classic

  I wouldn't stress too much either. If she is out for the right reasons and misses the "association" that is normal. There is something about being around people who smile at you as soon as they see you and claim to be a "true friend" without any effort on your part. Plus if you guys were in a while I'm sure there are some "true friendships" that she thinks she's missing.

  I agree with everyone. We've been out 4 years and I've had a whopping total of 2 calls from so call friends trying to express concern......whooppee! That really has turned me off more than I can ever express. When I see my old friends out in public and they're willing to talk, I give a hug, a kiss and talk as long as they want. When I leave I'm glad I don't have to be around such shallow people anymore.

  Cult Classic
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  cult classic

  I just wanted to tell about an experience my sister had. She was in a congregation for a while and had made some "friends". She's kind of irregular and when her family showed back up at the meeting she tried to set up a play date for my nephew and his friend. The boy's mother says, "well we have to do field service first then set up a play date for the boys!", as if my sister is a child.

  Remind your wife they are not friends. They're idiots!
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  Scott77

  What your wife is going through is a typical problem I faced four years ago when I started fading. For the first time in my life,I felt so depressed and had low self esteem. I lost apetite too. Howver, I was so lucky to have very few JW friends and no JW family. Therefore, it was not a big loss for me. Ironically, it was they who started it all, being unfriendly to me. I tell you, we are so much very important and valueable than what they think. In fact, they too miss us not the other way around. Believe me, JWs are not the best friend as theirs is conditional to being a JW and answerable to GB. Feeling loneliness for whatsoever reason, should be a temporary period of time for her. To begin with, her best friend is you the husband.
  
  Please, let her know that in our lives, we take full control of what we do and live our lives without friends. We can live our lives without them but of course, with them, our lives are either enriched or destroyed. There are both bad and good friends. Over time, she will be fine as she gets new friends one at a time.
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  jwfacts

  She also KNOWS it's ALL false.

  The thing is that it not all false. It is just that it takes time to develop long term close friends. People are people, whether JW's or not. Most are nice but a few cannot be trusted. Some will bond with you, most will not. Give it time and it will sort out. If your wife oscillates back and forth between meetings it will just extend the pain and the time it takes to integrate into a new circle.
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  jamiebowers

  @cult classic:

  There is something about being around people who smile at you as soon as they see you and claim to be a "true friend" without any effort on your part.

  That's exacly what I was thinking. Making friends in the world takes effort. In order to have a friend, you must first be a friend.

  Mad Sweeney, instead of discouraging your wife from returning to the kh, help her to learn how to develop deep, meaningful friendships. You can do this by hosting your own cook outs and organizing trips to the beach, etc and inviting your new "worldly" friends. You may also join clubs or take classes where you and your wife meet even more "worldly" people who have comon interests with the two of you.
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  EmptyInside

  If she tries to reunite with her old friends from the hall, even if, they accept her, it can never go back the way it was originally. Her way of thinking is totally different now. She'll find the connection she longs for will be gone. So if your wife no longer believes it's the "truth", I wouldn't worry about it too much. She'll soon tire of them .