JW's and divorce

by man in black 12 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • man in black
    man in black

    Back in the early 80's I was dating a sister from the southern part of Illinois, and I remember how many ladies were divorced.

    Fast forward to the current day,,,,,,,,

    I was trolling on facebook last night, and I hit the mother lode, one old friend (divorced) of mine has a son who still keeps in contact with most of these ladies that he grew up with.

    And guess what ?

    Most of them got married, had kids, and are now single. Yet after reading some of their comments to each other I was struck by the common thread of how bitter they all are under the surface.

    One made the following statement ,

    It's better to have loved and lost.......than to have stayed with an idiot.

    Her husband was a great guy, drank a bit, liked to go fishing, but was a nice person.

    Theocratic things were not that important to him.

    Yet these ladies all are now so spiritual ! They talk about how wonderful the meetings are, the conventions coming up, and service are just the greatest gifts ever !

    It seems that many of thse ladies could not make it thru life with a literal, fleshly, man.

    So they wrap themselves up in the belief that jehovah is the only one who understands them, and no doubt this soothes their souls but I found this belief so very prevelant with so many of their comments.

    I also noted that none of my old witness guy friends from that area are on their friend lists, yet these guys are on FB.

    So what is your take on this, do people wrap themselves up so much in the jw world and belief system that they actually drive their spouses away when something goes wrong ?

    I was shocked at the amount of women who were a FB clutch, and were just feeding off each persons problems, and basing everything on their view of what this religion "thinks" is correct.

    Reminded me of the movie "The Stepford Wives"

    Ugghh, how dirty I felt after reading all that garbage, I sure am glad I got away from that when i was younger !

  • not a captive
    not a captive

    It is embittering to anyone who carefully follows a recipe, buys the ingredients and then can't eat the nasty results.

  • yknot
    yknot

    A bit over encompassing......

    Life and relationships are far more complicated.

    I have seen enough stories here from men to know and affirm that most men (jw and not) really fail to discern the way in which to motivate, understand and reachout to womenfolk.

  • flipper
    flipper

    When my ex-wife ( a fanatic JW ) of 19 yrs. divorced me in 1998 she had formed in my opinion a close intimate adulterous relationship with her new lover Jehovah God. I mean I say this in a humerous tone- but ALL JW's are instructed to put Jehovah God or the WT society organization FIRST before their marriage mates. That's why so many JW marriages don't work out in my opinion.

    If a JW is not more committed to the organization - then they can basically kiss the marriage goodbye. I certainly found THAT out the hard way over 19 years. Things are good now though- married a non-witness 4 years ago and I'm esctatic !

    These JW women you mentioned in your thread are mentally damaged by the JW cult

  • designs
    designs

    Flipper, that's an astute observation. Read some of the Catholic Theologians writings on God having sex with Mary

    You'll connect the dots.

  • mentallyfree31
    mentallyfree31

    I made a list a few months back of all the JW couples that I know personally that are divorced now. There are 26 couples on my list so far. Honestly, I don't think I know that many non-witness couples that have divorced. It's quite amazing.

    -mentallyfree31-

  • cult classic
    cult classic

    When the sisters are having marital problems. They usually get lots of support to leave the husband. JW or worldly. I have seen this so many times. All the JW wife has to do is come up with some crap story about how she's being put in spiritual danger and voila her divorced is sanctioned by the other lonely crabby older sisters in the congregation. And the elders aren't gonna say much about it either.

  • yknot
    yknot

    Gosh......

    I guess I am in one of the last 'hold-outs' of headship congregations........

    Divorce is highly discouraged still (granted in the end it is a MOC, remarriage only under adultery).

    I can't think of 5 divorces in the history of the congregation.

  • garyneal
    garyneal

    yknot

    I guess so far things are going okay in my marriage. However, I am noticing some changes in my wife's behavior when it comes to how she manages her social situation with her 'spiritual sisters.'

    There are some 'worldly' mom's that my wife and I know. When they want to have their child hang out with our child, my wife is perfectly okay with my hanging out with them. HOWEVER, if it happens to be one of her 'spiritual' sisters who wants their child to hang out with my child, suddenly I am not allowed to join them.

    Why, as I am typing this, my wife is hanging out with a 'sister' she went out on service with this morning at a carnival with my daughter and this 'sister's' neice. She insists that it is an 'all girls thing' and I went along with it but I kept pointing out that it was okay for the other 'worldly' mom's that she knows.

  • yknot
    yknot

    Honestly Gary....

    Most of us JW women don't feel comfortable hanging out with males......outside a theoctratic arrangement

    Sure if you were an active male that might be a little different but generally speaking once married we pair off by gender unless it is specified 'couples'.

    I can think of several JWmen I have spoken to maybe only once in a in 5 years maybe even a decade but speak to their wives weekly if not daily.

    ___________

    Something else that came to mind in comparison to Flip's comments.....

    JWs are controlled by the weekly Koolaid that is served.......

    If you are an exiting or unbelieving hubby it is best to make sure the Koolaid is spiked by you first..... ie you are needing to still assert yourself in the FWN of JW publications versus her studying alone.... she might resist at first but koolaid isn't a magic liquid, it takes time and liters upon liters to properly indoctrinate...... so start small but maintain consistency of her drinking your spiked koolaid so that she reluctantly ends up following you more than she does the WTS on her own understanding

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