How do you tell the family?

by joeblow 18 Replies latest members private

• 

  FreeAtLast1914

  Distance is an advantage. My wife and I are working on that right now; not because we want to hide who we are, but because we want to live our lives free from familial interference.

  The toughest part of my decision to "come out of the closet" (so to speak) was the effect it would have on my family, especially mom and wife. But once it happened, and I saw the hateful reaction from several close family members and friends, it became clear that even though this would be painful, I was on the right course. To follow your conscience and pursue truth for what it is, has a pricetag that is different for each one of us. But if you're willing to pay that price, the item purchased is freedom.

  Just as Jesus said, "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free."

  Freedom is a gift of God and no man has a right to infringe upon it. Remember that JWs only have as much power over you as YOU give them. My advice: Don't give them an inch.
• 

  IsaacJ22

  This video is about coming out as a gay man to a fundamentalist family, but the principles are actually the same. I saw it on ExChristian.net.
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  IsaacJ22

  Whoa. I just linked it to the words "this video" and didn't expect it to be inserted in the post like that.
• 

  Quandry

  Welcome.

  So, is it even possible to tell the family without this becoming a huge thing that will further rip apart an already fragile family?

  From the questions your parents have been asking you, hinting around, etc., maybe not.Telling them you no longer believe could be like stampeding the elephant in the room. At least now he calmly stands there.

  Only you can decide which way to go, but I vote for subtlety.

  One possibility: Each time you talk, mention some interesting thing you learned at the University. For instance, "Did you know that there are over one million earthquakes of various sizes around the world every year? It's because the earth sits on tectonic plates that are constantly moving, and earthquakes have been occuring for millions of years." Or, "Did you know that scientists have found evidence of settlements in the United States that date back over 12,000 years?" Or, "let me show you a picture from paleontologists' recent find, fossils of a meat-eating dinosaur and an herbivore locked in mortal combat."

  Keep doing this instead of "attacking" their beliefs. Information like this stayed with me when I was "in." It began causing doubts. But JWs dig in big time when they feel they must defend their faith, even against reason. I am sure they are proud of you and your education, even if they would not admit it to others. Information like this was not the reason I left the JWs, but I feel that it ultimately would have opened my mind to further investigation.

  Hoping for the best for you. Let us know how this progresses.
• 

  garyneal

  marked
• 

  Scarred for life

  You have my full empathy, sympathy and prayers. May you find and enjoy freedom. Keep us posted.
• 

  aquagirl

  The strength of the cult is amazing.It ripped my family apart,and many others.Good luck.If you were baptised,you are sunk.If you need anyone to talk to,please feel free to pm me.I went thru it hard,and it still hurts.My advice is to try and avoid the subject as long as possible.Good luck.
• 

  mentallyfree31

  You are in a tough spot joeblow. This cult has DESTROYED families all over the world. It really depends on your parents, as to how much of an issue this will be. I feel for you.

  -mentallyfree31-
• 

  joeblow

  It is a tough spot, and sadly not a unique one. It seems to be the fate of a lot of us here :-(

  For now I'll let it ride, but with summer DCs upon us I have a strong feeling that I'll be getting questioned about what I thought... about which DC I was assigned to... about what I thought of the new releases. Oddly there will probably be no questions about the actual content.. just.. wasn't that the most encouraging ever? (while being unable to actually point at exactly what was so encouraging) And... did you read the new books/tracts or watch the new DVD already?

  It's the guilt trip I'm dreading. The "how could you do this to us?" bit.

  I do appreciate everyone's replies, and I'm reading most of the discussions on the forum. interesting how so much of what is discussed on the forum covers topics and thoughts I've had all through my life.