Recent events and book reads (one suggested by Cofty I believe- thank you) have lead me to the only logical and acceptable conclusion:
there is no God.
simple logical reasoning: matter can neither me created or destroyed. So the amount of mass in the universe is constant. This more complex reality is dumbed down in the idea of a God that has always been and always will be- but it's more accurate to say that mass has always been and always will be. It will change over time what it's made of: matter or energy. When matter, it is made up of elements, all the same elements all across the universe. With infinite time, a highly improbable possibility becomes 100% guaranteed and thus somewhere, sometime the elements mix just right and we get life. That life micro evolves over an incredible amount of time leading to macro changes and over a very long period of time we get here, today.
This is is logical. And religion must die so that we can survive before we all kill each other.