Getting my children out (page 3)

Don't give up on your wife! My wife and I were at odds regarding "the truth" for more than four years but our love held up and finally something clicked. Now her eyes are open and we are united in our beliefs again. (Well, we both have more questions than answers but we are no longer bound by a cultish religion.)

Everyone has posted good ideas so far and I know some of my methods conflict with what others have said but I figured I might relate some things that helped my wife:

Endurance and patience – Like others have stated, it doesn’t matter how strong of an argument you possess. If someone is programmed as thoroughly as a devout JW, nothing changes after the first discussion. Or the twentieth. At least, that’s been my experience with family thus far. Remember, this person has been receiving programming 5+ times a week (not counting magazine reading/study/service) for X number of years. It is deeply rooted. My wife and I would argue about doctrines and everything faith-related until we were blue in the face. I tested her faith, she tested my patience. I’m pretty stubborn and she still wore me down at times to the point I eventually just tried to avoid discussing it because I realized logic – my only weapon – was useless when dealing with someone who has been conditioned like that. (Or so it seemed.) A few weeks would pass and she would get bring it up and demand we talk about it again. Back and forth, back and forth, until finally the tiny seeds of doubt began to grow and she realized some of the logic was irrefutable. But that still didn’t change her mind about the org. She had to do that for herself.

Pick a topic/point that will reach her heart and drive it home with persistence – The 607BCE issue was what woke me up but it had ZERO affect on her and I couldn’t understand WHY. I found out about the discrepancy on my own and, being a younger generation born-in, had never known of it prior to my awakening. It didn’t take me long to realize the full gravity of the difference in chronology but it meant absolutely nothing to my wife… and she’s a smart woman. It’s amazing how different things affect different people. But I digress…

What finally reached my wife was the Society’s unloving position on their blood policy. Granted this was after diligent work to plant doubts regarding a number of crazy WTBTS doctrines. But the best seeds were hypothetical scenarios that made her put herself in an uncomfortable position, choosing between the life of our kids or a blood transfusion. Her love for our children was what made her think more carefully. It’s also what made me finally resort to a more aggressive position.

Take a stand – USE CAUTION: This may not work with some spouses and I’m not specifically recommending it (as it could backfire!) but my wife now says she thinks it may have been instrumental in her case. I spent the better part of the last four years worrying about the same thing as you… about our children being raised in a divided household, knowing that JW’s would brainwash them and that it could eventually lead to my loss of contact upon their reaching adulthood. So at the beginning of this year, I wrote down a plan and established some goals for our family. Up to that point, I’d been drifting & fading but making most Sundays. Finally, I made the very difficult decision to not allow my kids to go to the meetings beyond a specific date. It was the most dictatorial thing I’ve ever done and I felt like a real jerk for it but I honestly saw no other option at that point. My oldest was already showing serious signs of programming at 7, ready to get baptized, pioneer, … the works. (My mother is an incredibly die hard, emotional JW and was being a strong influence on my daughter.) Naturally, my wife was very upset and fought me at first. But again it placed her in another uncomfortable position and forced her to consider how much trust she could put in the Society. Only this time it wasn’t hypothetical. Now, let me reiterate, THIS ISN’T FOR EVERYONE! I believe timing and your spouse’s personality have to be spot on for this to work. Mine had already been asking her parents about some of the doubts I presented and was starting to realize their answers didn’t hold water…. before I broke this news. That was my queue to get the kids out. But she still wasn’t sold on the idea until after I took my stand.

Final straw - If someone had shown me the 607 discrepancy, I would likely have rejected their logic. Finding it myself, my defenses were down and I felt compelled to prove archaeologists/scholars wrong. Further research + time led me to the painful realization that I was misled by blind (but good) parents. I think for stronger JWs, reaching that point requires one to - at least subconsciously - believe they found the final straw on their own. But I could be totally wrong. Still, for my wife, she was actually at the February service meeting in which the annual review of blood policy crap was being discussed when the final straw hit. She says it was pretty clear. She was already concerned that her faith wouldn’t hold up if one of the kids needed blood, but it was a comment at that very meeting that pushed her over the edge.

The discussion was Q&A, and someone related an experience in which a sister’s blood count dropped very low and doctors said she needed a transfusion to live. The sister refused but instead of dying, her blood count slowly rebounded. I don’t recall what else was said but something in the comment made the audience laugh, as if to say ‘Haha, those stupid doctors didn’t know what they were talking about! She didn’t need a transfusion at all! Jehovah pulled her through! We are so blessed to have “the truth”!’

At that moment, something clicked and my wife immediately found herself in awe at the blind ignorance of those laughing around her, recognizing this was just another form of senseless JW propaganda. After that, she dropped her defenses and started reading other views on the scriptures that mention blood. She also began reading the similarities between JW and Mormon religion which, to me, is a GREAT eye-opener. After that she read Crisis and now she’s about to be officially inactive as we fade out together. (Is that an REO Speedwagon song?)

That’s pretty much all I have to say about that. Again, it may not be the right way to help your wife but I believe it helped mine. Please keep us posted. We wish you the best!

SweetBabyCheezits

Getting my children out

eddie c

SweetBabyCheezits

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