Anyone Else Ever Experience This?

by thraxer68 14 Replies latest jw experiences

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  nancy drew

  throughout my life I've tried out many ideas thrown myself into them worked hard kept on thinking & than when they turned out to be wrong all the cards went back on the table. I,m a searcher for the meaning of life sometimes I thought I found something but I was wrong.

  I just start over again each time go back to the"I don't know phase" which is where I am right now.

  I don't seem to be able to leave it alone so I have no idea where my path will lead I've just eliminated the wtbs thats it for now.
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  man in black

  castaway is a perfect analogy.

  That is exactly how I feel at times.

  The worst thing for me is when I try to do something good, (But as a witness I was taught that anything outside the organization is worthless)

  there is a little pain as my being suddenly see's that everything is not bad as I was led to believe.

  But like a vaccine, the shot actually helps .
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  cult classic

  "what replaced the WBTS teachings that had guided you for so long?"

  Nothing. The WBTS loaded us down with so much garbage. Then they ask "where else are you going to go and get all of this crap?"

  There is a deep loss when you stop believing it. But, it's not real. Most people have a moral compass that didn't get handed to them by WT. And for that matter, most of the world functions just fine without christianity. There's a scripture that talks about people without law being guided by the law of their hearts. I discovered that I don't need religion to be a wholesome and valuable person.

  Cult Classic

  edited: I totally understand how you feel. As you peel the layers of the onion, you'll discard what you don't need and keep what benefits you.
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  teel

  As for morals, well, even when I was a JW, I never understood the concept that people would only be good if they were afraid that God was watching, waiting to swoop down and punish them. I can be a good person by myself, without the threat of imminent death!

  In my eyes it's simple: if you can't be a good person by yourself, then you are not a moral person. This is a very big mistake of any high-control cult - they don't make persons more moral, they only coerce him to conform.

  There was that joke: "I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't sleep around with women, I wake up every morning at 6 am, and generally I lead a clean moral life. But all this will change as soon as I get out of the jail!"
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  thraxer68

  Thanks everyone. Gosh, this is a lot tougher to deal with than I thought. Its getting a little better, slowly, a day at a time I guess. But yeah, I would definitely say that Cast Away fits pretty well. When I first started going to work or to the store or anywhere out in "the world", it was so weird because the way you look at everything completely changes. I used to be out running errands or just going through daily life and look at everything and think of how its gonna be destroyed and how im so lucky not to be lost out there. Those thoughts, that awareness, that kind of constant anxiety, that on guard against everything feeling, is gone, but its weird because I find myself asking, and this might sound kind of stupid, but I literally find myself asking myself something like, "What do I think about now?" I guess you just get soooooooo used to having a constant distrust of everyday life because you dont want something to effect your spirituality but then when that guard is taken down, its a weird feeling, like you dont know what to do or think. I guess I've been trying to change the way I perceive alot of things but its tough when that is all you have ever known. Its literally changing the way you look at everything because you no longer filter everything through that lens, wow, what an experience, its been interesting....