As most of you know I usually write about sexual matters, but I would like to take this time to write about something serious. After two months of writing posts and reading others people's posts and have concluded that the Jehovah's Witness organization purposely prevents people from contact with other people, because that way it is hard for someone to leave the organization. If everyone you know is in the organization then how can you leave? If you leave the organization then all the "friends" you have will turn their backs on you and you have no other people to turn to. It makes me wonder how many Witnesses are in this siuation? How many Witnesses lead the life of a lie. Going to meetings, attending assemblies hating every moment of it. Doing it because you don't want to leave your friends and your family. I remember of a brother in Mexico. He was a nice guy and his father was an elder. But it was clear that his heart wasn't in the organization. His is married to a witness girl, but he looks like the most miserable person in the world. How horrible to live like that everyday!
I would like to thank Tower Man for sending me the site that has audio testimonies form former witnesses.
There are literally thousands of people in the position that you describe. So many that are forced to live double lives. I have a family member that lives like that. She comes from a large family and was DF'd. The one reason she sought reinstatement was she wanted her family to be able to talk to her and feel comfortable with her.I see the stress that it causes her. However, the price is just too high for her to walk away.
Gil, I am in that situation right now. Although I don't believe, the price for leaving is high. MY mother and I are close and not being able to talk to her would be devaststing. Then the fact that I would not be a witness anymore would probably kill her. Not to mention that 90% of my friends are witnesses. My barber, my daughters babysitter, my mechanic and about 10 of my workmates all witnesses. Sometimes the stakes are just to high. I'm doing that slow fade thang just so I can keep my friends and family.
A friend of mine, who recently disassociated himself due to the numberous doubts he had, had lengthy discussions with his father, who is a ministerial servant and a good friend of his who is an elder before hand. Both the elder and his father agreed with the points he was making, but they both responded, "Where else is there to go?" If only they knew.
This is an issue for all those who leave but especially for those who are DFed. It was certainly an issue for me and the only reason I EVER considered going back.
Not only does one lose their belief system (the religion) but the family and community. I believe this results in a term I discuss in a paper I wrote called Social Death: The practice of disfellowshipping among Jehovah's Witnesses. You can find this at:
It is a bit lengthy but you may find it interesting and speaks to the issue you raised.
I think believe the sanctions about not speaking to DFed continues even after a person has left. I know I was scared for years to be caught talking to a DFed person. How wonderful to be free from that fear and for those still living with it there is the anonymity of the net. A blessing for those who still suffer from this type of "social death"
Rejoice in the healing and not in the pain. Rejoice in the challenge overcome and not in the past hurts. Rejoice in the present - full of love and joy. Rejoice in the future for it is filled with new horizons yet to be explored. - Lee Marsh 2002
Gil, You hit the nail on the head. The power of this organization stems from the fact that if you step out of line they can really screw you because all your friends are part of the club and will turn on you when you step out of line.
While you are initially being indoctrinated you are encouraged to either convert or disassociate your friends. The things you start saying and your sudden change in behavior alienates you further from both family and now former friends. Before you know it, just about everyone within your spear of influence is a witness, and all your activities become nothing but extensions of the Watchtower world.
Everything is built around Watch Tower activities. You pick up and respond to the insider lingo and you feel a sense of belonging as long as you remain in the club.
Step outside the bounds and WAM, they can put you in a world of hurt. This is a cult Gil, that’s what cults do. CULTS SUCK! Many of us have learned that lesson the hard way.
Man, do I ever hate that "Where else is there to go?" crap. No way to fight it - the JW who's deep in (family/friends) cannot see their way out. And a lot of the one's who are DF'ed for whatever reason never replace their social structure as this is a VERY difficult thing to do, so they sit miserable and lonely wishing to speak to old freinds/family. So they swallow their pride and take their lumps to grovel their way back in. Knowing all along (at least subconsously(sp?)) it's a farce.
I wish that the vast # of people how are simple in it for social gains would suddenly say to each other "Hey, I'll speak to you guys no matter what your JW standing is." I think 1/2 of the JW's would walk that very day. And the other half would be forced to go along with the anti-shunning. Well, one can dream right?
I find it so ironic that the JW's constantly stress "heart condition." Nothing a JW ever does can be from the heart. It is so good to be able to choose friends because I like them and we have common interests, not because some brainwashed autocrat tells me they are my "friends."
Seize the day, and put the least possible trust in tomorrow. - Horace
I have learned to live each day as it comes and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow. - Dorothy Dix
Good post gill, and I agree with all the replies. I have not found joy in being a jw for years. I cannot recall the last time I actually enjoyed a meeting. Field service is a bit better, but it is also a colossal waste of time where I live. My questions about God and the bible are still largely unanswered, even after nearly 3 decades of being a jw.
But, most of my family and friends are jws. So I stick it out.
I've enjoyed all of the posts on this topic so far. Good job.
I'm personally glad to see some of the "younger" posters taking an active role in posting and keeping this board interesting and alive. Even though sometimes us "older" posters have seen these topics before, it's good to have others contribute their thoughts. Especially because some of these threads get buried pretty quick and who has time to go back and reread a million posts?
So thanks guys!
Slipnslidemaster:"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." - Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
