Deprogramming... yourself.

by confliction 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • confliction
    confliction

    So, the title pretty much explains it.

    I've come to a pretty definite conclusion for myself as to where I stand, and how I feel about the existence of a deity- let alone the idea that WTS has divine backing.

    My issue is that, being born in, I have lots of subconsciously ingrained phobias and behaviors burned in so deep, I constantly catch myself thinking and reatcting to things the "witness" way- things that don't apply to my life or the way I (want to) live my life anymore.
    For example, because of the way I've been raised and indoctrinated, I've grown a serious aversion- you could say almost a literal fear- of worldy people; girls in particular. All my life I've been taught through literature and meetings and conventions that any girl NOT in the truth is pretty much the spawn of satan himself- to be avoided at all cost. Now, I know this isn't true, but at a subconscious level it hinders my ability to even converse with the opposite sex, as if they were demon posessed or something.

    Now, I know that when you're near a girl you like, you get nervous and feel stupid- but this is different.
    I can hardly talk to any female near my age face-to-face.
    It's like there's someone subconsciously beating me upside the head to shut up, and "flee".

    It's hard to explain lol- this example may have not made perfect sense to you, but what I'm asking is if anyone knows ways to help combat this automatic thinking- or rather, deprogram myself? Keep in mind, this was just an example- I'm really just talking about getting over witness-like habits and fears in general.

    Any help appreciated, thank you :)

  • notverylikely
    notverylikely

    How old are you?

  • yknot
    yknot

    This is what I do when my 'wordly people' programing kicks in......

    I force myself to do the exact opposite no matter how much it leaves me breathless after the person leaves.

    (((((hugs))))))

    (maybe you should do some meetups, conscious/Ex girls are a nice middle ground)

  • confliction
    confliction

    I'm almost 18- a few months away.

  • notverylikely
  • confliction
    confliction

    @notverylikely

    LOL what's this supposed to mean?

  • blondie
    blondie

    I worked on 2 things at first, changing my vocabulary, I dropped the phrase "the truth" and I started calling God just God.

    I also started reading things, Crisis of Conscience, Steven Hassan's book, etc.

    Eventually, I started associating more with non-jws and not with jws; I had already been different from many jws in that I did not demonize non-jws. I started going to movies not because of their rating but their content; there are some pretty poor R-rated movies not worth a dime.

    Just give yourself some time.

    Blondie, going on 9 years out of the Borg.

  • notverylikely
    notverylikely

    I'm just saying... if girls gross you out and you're 18....

  • confliction
    confliction

    @notverylikely

    LOL I don't mean girls gross me out- I'm saying it's a literal subconscious aversion to associate with them.

    BORG SAYS: WORLDY GIRLS = BAD

    I Disagree with borg.

    Borg brainwashed me for seventeen years...

    That's what I mean lol.

  • notverylikely
    notverylikely

    I know what you mean. I've been in for 36 and just now getting out....I'm just saying most 17 year old boys in just try to not get caught, they never get an aversion.

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