Question about private reproof and weddings

JerkhovahsWitless

I've posted before about someone I'm friends with who was going to go to the elders with his girlfriend about some things they've been doing. Well, they got young and very liberal elders who weren't by the book. The experience didn't end up being quite as bad as I prepared him for and they both only got private reproof. (I think all of the advice I gave him that came from you good people helped him manipulate the elders into thinking he was really sorry)

The history to this story is they've been together for a couple years now. He's realized maybe in the last 6 months its a cult and wants out. He knows he has to breakup with his gf, but he's in love with her and so its hard to do. He's been finding reasons to delay breaking up (delayed the elder meeting for 6 months) and now that they aren't DF'ed like he thought was going to happen, he has another reason to delay breaking up until the end of this year. The reason is a friend's wedding they're suppose to be in.

My question is, since they both have been privately reproved, are they even going to be allowed in this wedding? The wedding will not be in the Kingdumb Hell. I know if it was in the Hall, they would not be allowed in it, but I don't know about outside of the Hall.

This wedding isn't the real reason why he's delaying longer, just a justification, but if possible, I'd like to be able to show him this isn't a good reason to delay because of some controling JW wedding rule that'll prevent them from being in the wedding. Does that rule exist?

SnakesInTheTower

J'W:

My question is, since they both have been privately reproved, are they even going to be allowed in this wedding? The wedding will not be in the Kingdumb Hell. I know if it was in the Hall, they would not be allowed in it, but I don't know about outside of the Hall.

The answer is easy if the wedding is at the KH. However, since it is not, then it depends on how much the elders want to meddle and who the bride and groom and other wedding party members are.

If the bride and groom have any status at all (ie, privileges...elder, MS, pioneer), then there would be serious question on their continued qualifications for setting a good example to the congregation in those positions. If an elder is conducting the wedding, he will be asking questions about all in the wedding party. So much for the "private" part of the reproof.

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth typing that sh*t out.

I know I meddled as an elder because of stupid ass rules, including weddings. And I regretted it for a long time. I cannot change what I did back then, only apologize and move forward. Forward and out of the cult for 3 years now.

As to delaying dumping said GF....maybe GF wants out of the cult now too...time for some honest communication long before the wedding of a friend... otherwise it is hypocrisy all around.

Snakes (Rich )

JerkhovahsWitless

Thanks for the information. I'll pass it along to him.

I never had any position in the cult, but did say, do things and treat friends stupidly because of the cult, so I kind of understand how you feel about the stupid crap you had to enforce. I lost connection with one good child hood friend when I became "spiritual" and he wasn't. :\ Congratulations on being out for 3 years. I'm still technically in until I can move and fade. I'm looking forward to the day.

It'd be a fairy tale ending for my friend if his girlfriend wanted out of the cult, but... Her family is JW bat sh*t and have indoctrinated her well. She has no doubts (or I should say burries them because I think every JW has doubts) and doesn't approve of any "negative" talk about the cult. She gets mad at her boyfriend's negative JW talk, which is pretty much every time he brings up something JW related. He'd like to bring up not beliving to her or try to expose some WT history to her, but she would blow up and it may blow his ability to fade after he finishes college and moves.

notverylikely

I know I meddled as an elder because of stupid ass rules, including weddings. And I regretted it for a long time. I cannot change what I did back then, only apologize and move forward. Forward and out of the cult for 3 years now.

Oh, snakes....not because i don't beleive you, but when i read that i thought "he's lying!"

Of course, I also thought "we should vote to lynch him!" at the same time. I guess that just means I need sleep.

jamiebowers

Have your friend read some of SD-7's posts to see how horribly it turns out if you marry a jw first and leave the cullt second. He needs to dump her now, because the longer he waits, the more it's going to hurt her.

JerkhovahsWitless

jamiebowers: Have your friend read some of SD-7's posts to see how horribly it turns out if you marry a jw first and leave the cullt second. He needs to dump her now, because the longer he waits, the more it's going to hurt her.

I actually have shown him a few of SD-7's posts and paraphrased others to him. I've also told him the exact thing you've said, that the longer he waits the more she's going to get hurt. I don't know what to do, even if there is something I can do to help to get him going. She is a nice girl. I feel really bad for her.

SnakesInTheTower

notverylikely:

Oh, snakes....not because i don't beleive you, but when i read that i thought "he's lying!"

Of course, I also thought "we should vote to lynch him!" at the same time. I guess that just means I need sleep.

LOL ....werewolf game reference...(I hope) in case you anyone was looking at that and going "whaaat?" Inside joke.

And there is at least one poster on this board that can tell you how I directly or indirectly affected their relative and their wedding plans.

Snakes (Rich )

yourmomma

i would say that in my experience people who arent even baptized have not been allowed to be in weddings, so in my area, private reproof has no chance.

also however in my area having a wedding outside of the kingdom hall is totally unacceptable.

one of the reasons i stepped down as an MS was because they told me that if I did not have my wedding inside the kingdom hall they would remove me as an MS.

so i figured i would save them the trouble and just stepped the fuck down.

good luck to your friend he is in a no win situation.

JWoods

I actually have shown him a few of SD-7's posts and paraphrased others to him. I've also told him the exact thing you've said, that the longer he waits the more she's going to get hurt. I don't know what to do, even if there is something I can do to help to get him going. She is a nice girl. I feel really bad for her.

Just a thought - is he absolutely sure that she is really a die-hard JW? Maybe she entertains thoughts about getting out of it too?

OnTheWayOut

Snakes covered the unofficial JW rules. Outside the hall, it all depends on the bride, groom, person conducting the wedding. There is also family pressure and such, but mostly the whole thing hinges on the person conducting a wedding outside of the KH. If he is an elder/MS and wants to question using reproved JW's or non-JW's in a wedding, he is welcome to do so or refuse to officiate. I would imagine that their being reproved so long ago (by the time of the wedding) can be resolved to any elder's satisfaction if they stay out of trouble. 6 months is more than enough time to get privileges back, and even if they don't, it's not in a KH and all they need to do is avoid more trouble.

Give your friend a break. He loves her. He hopes for the best and even if he cannot get the best outcome, he wants her to be happy by being in her friend's wedding. He figures it might be easier to convince her he loves her after doing the wedding when she finds out he is not into being JW.

Don't offer unsolicited advice on his love life. If he is asking, that's different. Work on helping him to think for himself rather than try forcing some showdown with his girlfriend.

Question about private reproof and weddings

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