Bitterness

by LostGeneration 33 Replies latest jw friends

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  IsaacJ22

  LostGeneration,

  One of the things exxers tend to feel bitter about is the loss of time due to the years they spent in the WTS. Why continue to spend time being bitter about them? Let the WTS go. If you don't, you're still letting it run your life. Focus on something else, like the other exxers in this forum, or on the things you want to do now.

  Remember, you are who are in part because of that time. Writers must be willing to throw out sections of prose--even entire paragraphs of a novel--if it makes the story better. They must also learn that those hours of work weren't wasted; they were necessary to make the final product even better. Likewise, your time in the WTS wasn't truly wasted. It helped make you who you are. Hey, without it, a JW might come to your door and convert you this very day, forcing you to waste the rest of your life. Now, you're too smart for that.

  That's how I look at it, at least.
• 

  cult classic

  LG - Bitterness is a normal and human reaction when someone steals something precious from us. Don't beat yourself up about feeling that way. Allow yourself to fully experience any grief that comes, whenever it comes.

  But at the same time continue to do the very hard work of moving past the bitterness. It's the moving forward that helps us to enjoy the time we have left.

  Cult Classic
• 

  ambersun

  That's really good advice cult classic, and I am also trying to move past the bitterness which is very hard at times.
• 

  tiki

  I was very bitter while I was still "in"....I really didn't realize that I was dealing with some really heavy duty cognitive dissonance. I was bitter at having lost a good 20 years of my life, not getting an education, married, having kids, etc.... Once I drifted away from the constant barrage of nonsense, I gradually overcame the bitterness and turned (with the help of a very smart husband) myself around. I am making up for those lost years, getting my degree, living my life to the fullest and loving every minute of it.

  You just have to learn to distance yourself from the toxic. Blondie said it well...and given her situation with the nasty dad and sick mother, she knows what the score is. At first it is hard, but work on the positive. The religion programs you to negativity and misery, and you have to really wrap your mind around seeing things from a happy positive viewpoint. Keep at it....it'lll all work out.
• 

  changeling

  You ask, given your upbringing, "why shoudn't I be bitter"? I'll ask you this: why would you want to be? They took your childhood, as they did mine and that of many, many others; why should we give them any more of our precious lives?

  While a fellow poster said that all emotions are valid, I also think that all emotions can be changed. We have the power to change them. Positive thoughts yield positive emotions and viceversa.

  Leave the past behind and make today and each subsequent day a good day. You have the power! :)
• 

  changeling

  Funny how the only one who recommened the OP drown his sorrows in a bottle is a JW...
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  Scarred for life

  Yeah, drowning your bitterness in a bottle is what you absolutely DON'T want to do. You will become paralyzed and never move past the negative feelings. What you're feeling is normal. That's what this board is for: to come here and express those emotions because most of us understand what you're feeling. Venting those feelings helps to see things from a different perspective and see the positive aspects of today and the future. Vent away.
• 

  gubberningbody

  Bite my ass Aguest,

  I mean that in a good way,

  gub
• 

  cognizant dissident

  I think it would be helpful in this context to make a distinction between feelings and emotions. Our bodies do feel how they feel and react how they react (physical sensations), so in that sense, no feeling or physical reaction felt in our bodies is "ever wrong" it just "is" would be correct. And much of that initial reaction to stimuli is out of our control.

  However, we do have some control over what thoughts we dwell and focus on a regular basis. And we definitely do have control over what we say and what we do in response to those inner feelings.

  It is natural to feel hurt and rejected and bitter at some of the harmful things JW's and our JW families have done to us. However, our thoughts do have an affect on how our bodies feel. We can go over the story of that in our heads over and over again on a daily basis (or even an hourly one) and focus on those thoughts so that we keep those feelings going in our body. We can spend our energies fruitlessly trying to change JW's and/or our families so they don't behave that way in the future. That also keeps the story (and frustration) going.

  If we acknowledge that what other people do is largely out of our control, and that most people/JW's do not want to change, then we can Choose to focus our thoughts on something more constructive, something that is helpful to our selves or others. We can also Choose to physically respond, speak and act, in such a way as to focus on our energies on some constructive beneficial thing that we do want for ourselves. If all our energy is focused on what we don't want in our lives, we keep those bitter, angry, hurt, feelings going in our bodies.

  Being able to focus our thoughts and our responses in such a way is not easy, but it is a skill that can be learned with time and practice.
• 

  AGuest

  Bite my ass Aguest,

  Ah, dear GB (peace to you!)... how 'bout I give you... and dear Lost... something to read that perhaps you can better relate to than what I offered:

  http://articles.latimes.com/2009/may/25/health/he-bitterness25

  I mean that in a good way,

  Yes, of course, you do. Why would I think otherwise?

  Again, peace to you!

  A slave of Christ,

  SA