My daughter hated me and her dad

thenoblelodge

I was told yesterday by my daughter that when she was younger she hated me and her dad.

She wasn't beaten, she was allowed to play with friends other than JW's, had parties, always had kids round to play, JW and worldlies ( I hate that term). I could go on.

The reason she hated us was because we encouraged her on numerous occassions to stay in the borg.

What I find so distressing is, I cannot believe the power we had over her. We kept her going in something that was killing her mentally, emotionally and physically and all the time saying 'don't take it out on Jehovah, it's not his fault, don't you think he knows what's going on.'

I recently started NLP therapy to help me come to terms with all the emotions I have felt since leaving the Cult. Mostly it's to do with grief, regret and guilt for raising my children in this vile organisation. I don't blame her for hating us, I hate me. I very often think how our lives would have been if we hadn't joined.... yeah different, very very different.

She's doing great now, happy and enjoying life and loves us. We're cool

QuestioningEverything

I know exactly how you feel. I look at the life I had before I had my awakening and feel so embarrassed, ashamed and heartbroken at how I was raising my kids. I'm thankful now that they are able to lead a normal life just like everyone else.

life is to short

I can totally understand your daughter. Though I do not have kids I was raised as a JW and married an elder who was much older then I am. When ever anything strange happened in the congregation that was upsetting or hurtful my husband told me to keep my blinders on, or to consider the source, or to wait on Jehovah. We had a MS who went nuts and threatened to kill my husband right after we were married and then this guy stalked me for over two years saying he was going to kill me, etc. The stupid things I went through went on and on. My husband told me crawl on my hands and keens in my own home. Oh that I should not have married an elder if I did not like what I was going through.

The many times I wanted to spend time with him as a husband and wife going to the movies or just as simple as having dinner together was taken away because of elder duties at the last minute. As a wife I was always third or fourth or fifth down the line for his time.

I had no friends in the truth, no hobbies as that was wrong, I was so depressed I thought of suicide a lot when we were first married and pioneering. I even used to daydream about slitting my wrists in field service and see how long it would take someone to notice.

I have asked my husband now how he did not see my sadness he said he was just so busy with the congregation and being an elder that he did not see me. I am mad now. But why now I do not know. Why not back then, but I felt so powerless, I was so sad. I was in the "happy religion and I wanted to die?" I could not understand it myself. I tried and tired to tell my husband how sad I was but he was to busy to hear me.

Now I am just bitter. Why now.

thenoblelodge

@ life is to short ((((hugs))))

Please do as my daughter did, start enjoying your life NOW, don't hold onto bitterness. You can have hobbies, make friends, do your best to be happy and be the best person you can be. You deserve it. You never forget the past but it doesn't have to haunt you. Don't let them rob you of any more of your life. I wish you all the best.

miseryloveselders

What I find so distressing is, I cannot believe the power we had over her. We kept her going in something that was killing her mentally, emotionally and physically and all the time saying 'don't take it out on Jehovah, it's not his fault, don't you think he knows what's going on.'

If only more JW parents would realize this. Somedays I equate JWs rearing children with being tantamount to child abuse. I wonder at times though if this was what Jesus meant when talked about division in Luke 12:49-51.

tec

Why now. -life is to short

I think because its safe to be mad or bitter now. Because you're out and you have time to think for yourself. But get counseling if you need to, to help let go of the bitterness. You don't want to go through life with that kind of poison in your system. You have cause to be angry, but you don't want to give them any more power over you. Or, as Noblelodge said, rob you of any more of your life.

Noblelodge - It scares me sometimes, how much power we actually have over our children. I'm so glad that you have your daughter's love now, and that she leads a happy life.

Tammy

life is to short

I am getting counseling now and it does help but the anger is so strong. I am mad at my husband, the religion but mostly at myself. I was to week to leave. All I had to do was walk away but I stayed. I am so mad at myself. Why did I stay? Why did I feel it was the "truth"? I let myself be treated the way I was. I could have left but I choose to stay and that makes me mad at myself so much now.

I look at the children at the meetings when I go and it is so sad. What is being talked about is so horrible to not help people but only talk to them about the 'good news'. The last meeting I was at the CO said we should not help people because that will not give them life only preaching will. OH my word how sad. This little girl was sitting right across from me she is about seven years old. I remember being that age and hatting field service but telling myself that is what God whats from me. I hated life at seven. Tec it is child abuse peer and simple.

Thanks for your words of hope, I just sometimes get so down still. Thanks though

tec

(((((life is to short)))))

Tec it is child abuse peer and simple.

I agree. So you were in as a child then, right? You should be damn proud of yourself for breaking free at all. Childhood indoctrinations are the hardest to overcome - and yet you did it!

You have great strength, Life. You took control. Focus on that.

Tammy

thenoblelodge

@life is to short

Are you still attending some meetings, if so do you really have to. Sitting and listening to that poisonous drivel will not help heal your mind.

Can you make a clean break?

life is to short

This is my last week of ever going to any meetings. We had three child molesters in my hall. I wanted so bad to expose them but it just will not happen. Two moved away and the really bad one the elders have built up this wall to totally protect him. I thought I could get through the wall but all I have done is hurt myself. It is just like the Catholic's within the JW's and child rapist are protected.

I wanted so bad to save children from the pain of abuse but even when the parents are told of the child molesters they still say 'well the elders are saying he is forgiven." OH My word you cannot help these people. I am going this week because of the CO visiting. It is hard because I thought it was the "truth" myself and to know that it is all a lie and I think I am down also because of being at the meetings this week. You are right thenblelodge listening to the poisonous drivel is making my mind sick again. It is truly amazing how cult minded it is. The CO said to put a smile on our faces when we go door to door and not remove the smile even when we are treated badly. Really is that not truly a cult. I know in Seattle when I see the Christian Science with their pasted on smiles it freaks me out. That is what we must look like to people at the door.

I just wish more would stand up like the abused victims of the Catholic's. It took strong people to bring the Catholic's to the news. But it is not like that in the WT world no one wants to stand up and stay this is wrong. It is just that we send rapist to people's doors. I was not only raised a JW but was abused as a child also not by real JW's but it was still sexual abuse and it does not go away ever. It makes me so mad that is still happening and there is nothing I can do that will ever stop it. I have went to the news but the elders pulled the molester from going door to door. I do not know how they found out that I even went to the news. I told no one who would have ratted me to the elders.

Life is really short. All we can do is tell people that Jehovah's Witnesses are a cult it is truly up to each person to stand on their own. I just hate to see the pain it causes.

Thanks for your kind words and I will stop the meetings.

My daughter hated me and her dad

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