At the end of my rope :(

by tec 58 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  BabaYaga

  I have nothing to add but love and support. Hugs to you.

  Love,
  Baba.
• 

  wantstoleave

  Frankly, for the one thing he does, he could be replaced by a battery operated device and she would be much happier.

  Hahahaha isn't that the truth! Guess I just lucked out and married a dud! Thankfully we're divorced now and life is MUCH better! x
• 

  mkr32208

  My point is that this is one side of a two sided story and all you guys telling her 'your right it's all his fault' don't know WTF your talking about. Go get some couples counseling where the professional counselor can listen to BOTH sides.

  Quite honestly listening to your whining and bitching I'm already half on his side...
• 

  palmtree67

  Tammy,

  I'm just back from holiday and saw this. Oh, darling, I wish I could hug you in person!!

  We'll talk privately, but as you know, I am reading your book and I love your writing style! I don't usually read romance, but your's is really Fantasy Romance and I love the strong and independent female heroine!!

  There must be an element of yourself in her somewhere.....You'll find her.

  Also, I found your book when we were shopping on vacation and bought it for my friend. So tell your man you sold a book this weekend!!

  xx00x

  Palm
• 

  tec

  Thank you everyone for your continued support!

  Sorry I've been gone for so long, but we ended up moving almost a week early, and that meant no internet, phone, etc... for that week.

  I first wanted to say that I'm feeling calmer and stronger. Baba, I took that stress test and it did say that my stress was super high - you're right, too much at once. I will take some of the blame for that (Yes, MKR, I can look at both sides even when I'm hoping for some support just for my side - not bitching at you, btw; just bantering - and I DO think counseling for both of us is a good idea). But I have a habit of saying yes to everything, and never standing up for myself. The support and the past stories and the advice and encouragement you have all shared has helped me to see this. (as well as a few PM's that reminded me of the love and forgiveness that Jesus showed, and that I follow - love you all).

  I am going to ask for things that I need, including help. I am going to take time for myself. I am going to share the budget/finances responsibility with my husband, if not hand that part of our life over to him completely. I actually spoke to him about it, about how I felt about him thinking that I spend all his money. It was a quiet talk, and he didn't do much but nod, but at least it didn't end in a fight.

  I don't want anyone to think that I have disregarded anything you've said about the benefit and perhaps necessity to leaving. But I just wanted to say... my kids are really happy. I mean, they're laughing and playing together and joking around. My oldest son, the one with the depression, was laughing in his sleep the other morning. He hasn't done that in years. A lot of that is the puppy - and I am happy to say that his allergies seem to be settling down. I was unaware that the former owner had a cat and smoked heavily in the house. Combine that with the dust from moving and the reno's? Bad mix!!!! I've already cut out the decongestant I had to give him. I'm going to cut the allergy meds back as soon as we get a hepa air purifier installed, but he seems to be adjusting quickly - and so happy with his puppy.

  I talked to my husband about this stuff too, and while he has given me a few exasperated looks, he is also washing his hands every time he touches the dog so he doesn't spread the dander and saliva. (I also let him take over the nighttime waking and bathroom with the dog too, and I've been sleeping through the night instead:)

  Zid - thank you for the advice about the refined sugar. I'm going to take a look at his food (and of course my son eats it) and see what happens when I start substituting. You're former relationship sounds a lot like mine... I'm sorry. I'm not going to tune things out anymore, though. I'm going to start standing up for myself.

  Billy - Everything you said helped. Especially the advice to stop beating myself up over decisions made in good faith. Thank you. You have no idea how much better I felt after reading that.

  Scully - His attempt was at school, so yeah, everyone was involved with that. Child services, police, counsellors. He is in counseling and the school he's going to in September is aware and very supportive. I've also considered what I can do to bring in extra money, and still write during the daytime, so that I'm contributing and doing what I love as well. I'm going to run a before/after school care. Here, that's a good $1000 - 1500/month - and demand is high. It leaves me time to do everything that I normally do, as well as contribute financially (and I have that started if worst does come to worst).

  Everyone - thank you for all your advice and love and prayers.

  I think I should add that I spoke to my husband about the disrespect and belittling he does to me. I didn't say abuse, because that would set him on the defensive right away. But it helped ( and this is the only time I consider this a good thing) that the kids were being super mouthy today. I told them that they both owed me an apology and that they could go to bed. I mentioned to my husband (when he wondered what had happened) that I was tired of being given attitude and treated with disrespect and that I wasn't going to just 'let it happen' again. He assumed I was speaking about the boys. But... a few minutes later, he came up to talk to me and said that they probably do some of that because he talks that way to me.

  (ya think?)

  I told him that I wasn't going to allow him to speak to me in that manner anymore either. That he could and needed to set an example for the children but that they also needed to see me stand up for myself - even against him. He agreed.

  We'll see how this goes, though I know that I have to keep on it myself, and not to get into that funk of just letting him dump on me. So we'll see. It helps that my kids are happy. It helps that the move is behind us. It helps that I've realized I need to take care of me, or I can't see clearly what my children and my family need.

  One day at a time.

  And I truly can't believe how much stronger I am feeling in so short a time. How much this discussion and sharing has helped me. (And I'm so glad to be back here)

  Love and peace to you all,

  Tammy
• 

  tec

  (((((((Palmtree))))))))

  I'm glad you're enjoying the book... and I also hear you had some excitement on your holiday ;)

  Talk to you soon (and see you in the next couple months too, I think)

  Tammy
• 

  tec

  ((((((((Wantstoleave))))))))

  What an awful ordeal. I'm so sorry. I do have the benefit of a husband who works hard to support us financially.

  Frankly, for the one thing he does, he could be replaced by a battery operated device and she would be much happier.

  Got a good chuckle out of this one :)

  Hadit - thanks for the kind words and hugs.

  Voideater - Got to go look up what a narcissist is now.
• 

  THE GLADIATOR

  Tammy

  It has been a rough few days for you.

  I'm glad you and your husband have found a way to take a more positive look at what you share and staying together as a family.

  Sometimes relationships need a spring clean.
• 

  tec

  Sometimes relationships need a spring clean.

  Yes they do. So do people themselves, I think - I certainly think I needed to reevaluate my priorities and my needs.

  I feel more like myself again, also. I don't like being a person who is hating, complaining, and being unforgiving. It just means I'm fighting against myself as much as everyone else.

  Tammy