What do you think about this kid?

by jamiebowers 25 Replies latest jw friends

StAnn

Has it occurred to you that she's at grandma's house and is trying to find out what she can get by with?
Jamie, she's just a baby. She doesn't understand that she's hurting the kitty. My vet said that 80% of children who are bitten by animals are under the age of 5 and are bitten by their own pets. This is because the children unintentionally hurt the pet and the pet is just trying to defend itself. Keep the kitty away from the baby.
My sister was a screamer.
My oldest son got into EVERYTHING. It was just because he was highly intelligent and very curious. Also, they get into things when they are bored. And he didn't sleep all night until he was 2 years old, and then he only slept for 6 hours.
Have you considered buying a playpen? Sometimes you have to give your attention to something else, like cooking dinner, and you simply can't keep a close eye on the baby.
My favorite discipline method with a very little one is to blanket train them. Have a colorful baby blanket, sometimes one with activities attached, and put it in the floor. Put the baby on the blanket with a couple of books or a favorite toy and MAKE her stay on the blanket. Start with 10 minutes at a time and move up. It teaches the baby that you're in charge and helps the child learn self-control. There are times when a child must sit quietly and it's good to start training them now.
cult classic

My aunt ran a daycare for years and had a boy who cried like you would not believe. The mother would drop him off and he would cry nonstop until she picked him up at the end of the day. Then when he was about 1 he learned how to scream and throw tantrums.... It was terrible! We never visited her when he was there.
She would make sure all of his needs were taken care of and then let him have at it. One day he just stopped cold turkey. No diagnosis or meds, he just grew out of it. Just like my aunt said he would. Never heard another peep from him. Now he's about 18. He's the sweetest kid. It's amazing how loud he used to be. Those days were traumatic.
I do worry about her mistreatment of animals and her stepmom. That's not a good sign. The parents have to be really firm in disciplining her with regards to hurting others, animals or humans.
lisaBObeesa

Sounds like a perfectly normal and healthy baby to me.
of course she screams. That's her baby job.
It's the parents job to teach the baby so that by the time they are 3 or 4 they aren't screaming like that anymore. Then, at 3 or 4 the child will be doing something else that 3 or 4 year olds do, and the parent will be teaching them about that.
Normal, normal, normal.
Quandry

It is common for children that age to "get into things."
Instead of saying no all the time, divert her attention to something else. "Come have some juice, little one," or "Let's go outside for a minute."
As to the pet, please keep them away from her unless you are with her, showing her how to pet in a nice way.
The hitting is not good.Tell her there will be no treats if she is hitting. But do reward her for no hitting or screaming. Don't give in on this. Hitting is Not acceptable.
The playpen idea is a good one....this way, if you cannot watch her for a few minutes, such as when cooking, she will not get into things. Be sure and alternate the toys in the pen. Don't use it for a punishment.
When she is screaming, no goodies. Tell her that when she calms down, she can have a cookie, or whatever treat you have.
Quandry

I forgot to mention one other thing. She is so young, she cannot verbalize how she feels. If she sees you and her dad infrequently, it is a disruption in her routine. She may be showing her displeasure with the situation that she has no control over.
Patience is called for.
kurtbethel

As a general principle, you need to set up a cost benefit ratio for her behavior. This loud uncouth behavior should simply not be rewarded. I raised two sons and they are decent young men today. Whenever they would act out like that I explained to them that they would not get whatever it was they were demanding no matter what. And I would stick to that. The cost benefit ratio of acting out like that is too high if it is not rewarded and they drop it soon enough, but it is important to be consistent so you do not confuse them.
jamiebowers

Darth plagueis, actually, she doesn't seem to have separation anxiety. I think it's because she's been around so many people like her parents' friends and family from both sides.
Flipper, it just dawned on me this morning that the people at her mother's house all work different shifts, so there's always somebody up or somebody who is used to being up all hours of the day and night. Being that there are people who must rise early as well as day sleepers to accomodate work schedules, I would imagine they do everything possible to keep her from screeching. And I would bet that's why she's such a challenge here.
Nelly 136, yes she's a head banger too when she's throwing a fit, and that's one of the signs of ADHD in babies. We do ignore her tantrums, but that's when she starts choking and gagging. Yes, that freaks me out. I've never seen a baby do that before, especially so often.
StAnn, yes we have a playpen and portable fencng for outdoors, and she really raises hell about being in either one of them. She doesn't like the crib or the highchair either. If she's not moving, she's not happy...period. I'll talk to my stepson about the time out blanket. I'll be curious to see if it works.
Cult classic, she doesn't have separation anxiety. She seems to be in a better mood in general when her dad is around, but she really doesn't care if he or her mother leaves. Hitting her stepmom and going after the animals bothers me. I've told my stepson that he is to keep her away from the animals. They don't like her and don't approach her. If there's any contact, it's because she iniates it. Due to my disability, I can't chase her around or pick her up from a standing position, so I'm more of an observer than a caretaker.
LisaBobeesa, I have three other grandchildren; two are older and one is just a few months younger than this one. I have never witnessed them screeching until they start choking and gagging, and this one does it several times a day if she's not getting her way. I understand that babies and toddlers cry, and sometimes even scream, but this is much different. If StAnn's blanket time out doesn't work, I hope the next two years go by quickly if that's how old kids must be to be broken of this.
Quandry, yes, I know about the diversion tactic. It works with my other grandkids, but this one hyper-focuses on things, and she will not be distracted. For instance, she likes to pull out dresser drawers and throw the clothes on the floor. If you remove her from the scene and give her a toy, well that'll earn you about an hour of screeching, choking and gagging. That's about the time her dad will swat her diapered rear end, and half the time she settles down. I'm not sure how to get the message across about treats since she doesn't speak in full sentences yet, and I don't know that she understands them either. It's funny, because when she's in a good mood, she just babbles, but she does so with great authority.
Kurtbethel, you're right in principle but I'm not sure how to make that a reality. As I said above, I'm not sure how to reason with an already unreasonable child who can't speak. I'm assuming keep it to "yes" and "no" answers in a firm voice.
Thanks for your input everybody. After doing a little research and reading your opinions, I think she's going to be a challenging kid who needs consistent and firm discipline. I won't be a bit surprised if she's diagnosed with ADHD in the future, but I'm not going to worry about that until it happens.
StAnn

Jamie, you know my two youngest are both developmentally disabled. And that they are my stepchildren. The very youngest, Nate, would scream and fuss so much that he always got his way. Always. For instance, he never got a haircut because he would scream and fuss so much and act like he was dying that nobody would cut his hair.
And then I entered his life. He was seven years old and a holy terror. I strapped this kid into a chair using an Ace bandage and cut his hair with clippers. He screamed and cried and screamed and cried. I just ignored it. He soon learned that, with me, screaming and crying wasn't effective and so he stopped doing it. He's addicted to TV and I wouldn't let him watch it once and he screamed and screamed and screamed. I put him in time out and he sat in the chair~in the living room~and peed all over it and then said, "I want my TV!" Needless to say, he didn't get TV again for a long time.
That was seven years ago. It took quite awhile for him to figure out that I was the boss but now he almost never has a tantrum. I have to be very consistent with him but the tantrums and screaming are a thing of the past. I have found that singing distracts him so, to this day, I sing songs to him while I cut his hair. Now he looks forward to getting a haircut.
He does mind me now, for the most part. What bothers me about him is that he does the right thing simply because he doesn't want to lose privileges. He never does the right thing because it's the right thing to do. He's very calculating and very selfish. He just wants what he wants. But at least now he doesn't scream or act ugly when he doesn't get what he wants. This kind of selfishness and self-involvement is common in people with developmental disabilities but it still bothers me. He'd make a great JW, knows how to just follow the rules and how to get around them!
My point is: if your granddaughter screams when she's in her playpen, so be it. If you let her out, she's just learning the screaming works. I know that you're not stupid and you know this stuff but, when they're really challenging like she is, sometimes it's easier on the nerves to just cave in and give her what she wants. However, you will really regret it as she gets older. By age 5, she'll be incorrigible. You think she makes you miserable now? Just wait!
lisaBObeesa

LisaBobeesa, I have three other grandchildren; two are older and one is just a few months younger than this one. I have never witnessed them screeching until they start choking and gagging, and this one does it several times a day if she's not getting her way. I understand that babies and toddlers cry, and sometimes even scream, but this is much different. If StAnn's blanket time out doesn't work, I hope the next two years go by quickly if that's how old kids must be to be broken of this.
Well, I'm not saying she isn't a difficult child, just that she is a very, very normal child (it sounds like to me, anyway).
It doesn't have to take years and years to break a child of these things, but it does take,like you said, consistent consquenses and lots of patience. Heavy emaphasis on 'CONSISTENT' and "patience.'
If you deside to give her a consequence for a bad behavior, you must give her that consequence every single time she does the behavior. This is very important because if you only do it 80% of the time, you will actually be reinforcing the bad behavior! (If the child knows that sometimes screaming gets her what she wants, she will scream ALL the time, because it MIGHT work!)
The fact that the child lives in two different homes will make the 'consistent' thing more difficult and will make the teaching take much longer. That's just how it is. please be patient. Everything will take longer and be more difficult. Of course, it's not the baby's fault, that's just how it is.
Supernanny has such great examples of how to apply these things, but I could find no examples of her working with a child so young. I'd really recommend checking out some episodes of that show on the web. Even though most of them don't apply right now because she is so young, the shows are a great resource for working with strong-willed kids when they are 2, 3, 4 or 5...and that is right around the corner!
Just my 2 cents. :)
ziddina

Urk! Jamie, I don't like mentioning this - and keeping in mind that I never had kids, so I have less experience than the other commenters on your thread, but...
Is it possible that this grandchild might be a high-functioning autistic???
Just a thought...
Zid

What do you think about this kid?

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