Allow me a moment to introduce myself: First of all, I am not a member of your faith as surely can be garnered from my choice of user name. I joined this forum with the intention of getting some information on a situation I'm forced to contend with that concerns my son. My questions are not designed to bash your beliefs, regardless of my personally held opinions and I hope that any discussion can be conducted without contention. I will in time be showing this to my son or directing him here so that he may read for himself. That said, here is the situation and I welcome your insights.
My son who lives with me is 23. He suffers from depression and tragically low self esteem. He is very overweight in conjunction or perhaps due to these factors. He has little to no social life. He cannot seem to hold a job. He hasn't had a girlfriend - except for the following situation.
He met a girl online and in talking with her there and on the phone, developed deep and abiding feelings for her, and supposedly she for him in return. I'm very supportive of online relationships, because I've had many close, almost intimate friends that I never bet but for online and I consider some of them my best friends to this day. In this past year however, he has gone from Ohio to California to visit her. They shared a hotel room, though according to him they didn't "do" anything but snuggle and maybe kiss and just "hang out". He now wants to move to California, and in fact has his name on a waiting list for apartments. She calls him or he calls her every night, sometimes up to three times a night, and the text messages never cease. All of that wouldn't be a problem I guess but for the truer facts:
She is married. Supposedly there is "no love" in the marriage blah blah and she suspects him of cheating. Wait - it gets better.
She has a daughter, almost 3 yrs old - I have to wonder where this child is and how much she's being neglected while her mother is on the phone and texting - maybe not physically neglected, but mommy might not have so much time to spend with the child when she's cooing on the phone.
She....... is a Jehovah Witness. Or so she says. She claims she was raised as such. Here's where it starts to really irritate me and again I mean no disrespect. I have said all along that this woman has free will, as we all do, to make choices. IF her man is a dirtbag, IF she doesn't love him, IF.... you know, then she knows where the door is either to walk out, or to kick him out. Then - whether she had my son move in or not, at least she wouldn't be promoting that situation, and worse yet, putting her daugher in the middle of it. So eventually, she supposedly went to the church elders and "confessed" this situation (after my son's 2 visits) and they told her to break off any contact, period. Ha. Okay. My son says "They saw how she flipped out and told her it was ok if we talked or texted as long as the husband knows about it or is there at the time." --- Now I mean really? I don't believe that a religion, particularly one that seems very strict and disciplined, would make such a concession. I've also talked to people in the know, and they seem to believe that JW would not make such an exception. Even if it is true, they do talk and text when he's "at the store", or "leaving for work" - so it's still very suspect.
Bottom line - I would like to know from YOU people here, what your thoughts are on this situation so I can fill him in - because honestly, he's blinded by this woman. Actually, he's not I guess. The sad truth is that he knows it should end. He's sat, almost or literally in tears and said as much. With his insecurities, he feels like no one, let alone another woman, will ever love and understand him as she does. Of course I've assured him that this is false, and tried to persuade him that HE needs to love HIMSELF first. Still, he's just more content to coddle and coo with her insipidly and ignore the facts.
Another factor here is that she has him now going to bible study and sunday services at a local JW hall. Again, despite my personal opinions, his going to services aren't the problem. That's not exclusively what angers me, because really, as far as beliefs I wouldn't care if he was a Catholic or a Druid. The irritating factor is that if it were not for HER, then he wouldn't look twice at JW. Now he's what....... converted? Please. He was a self proclaimed "pagan" before she came along and while some of you might cheer for such a conversion, I call it nothing short of sycophancy. It's like me, an avid anti-smoker, meeting the man of my dreams but oh gosh golly, he does smoke so since I LOVE him, I might as well start smoking!! My son, like I, believe in gay rights, he is pro-choice and aside from what he's being fed in bible study, I am 80% sure that he still does not believe in a central, unified, all powerful, wrathful "God". So what's the reason for attending? I'll tell you... so he can have more in common with this woman. So he can feel "accepted" and part of something. Again - that in itself is understandable, but there are many, many other --- more honest venues in which he could find such acceptance.
So that's the situation and I'll leave it at that for now. I'm anxious to hear your feedback and thank you for patiently reading.