My 'cross to bear' so to speak

by Aussie Oz 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  transhuman68

  On Children
  Kahlil Gibran

  Your children are not your children.
  They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
  They come through you but not from you,
  And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

  You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
  For they have their own thoughts.
  You may house their bodies but not their souls,
  For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
  which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
  You may strive to be like them,
  but seek not to make them like you.
  For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

  You are the bows from which your children
  as living arrows are sent forth.
  The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
  and He bends you with His might
  that His arrows may go swift and far.
  Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
  For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
  so He loves also the bow that is stable.

  ...a bit of nonsense from the old Lebanese poet to make you feel better...
• 

  Aussie Oz

  @transhuman

  not nonsense

  thankyou very much

  oz
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  cognizant dissident

  It's actually not anyone's fault. It is the natural order of things. Teens are breaking away from their parents and prefer to spend their recreational time with their friends. If you were still married and a JW, your kids would still be gone for the weekend with their friends and you wouldn't be seeing much of them.

  That's life. All parents have to go through it. I did and still am. It's not easy, but don't guilt them and for God's sake, don't lay down any "law" that they have to spend their free weekend time with you. That's just asking for misery all around.
• 

  agonus

  agreed... children are far more than the sum of their parents' DNA
• 

  RosePetal

  Hi Oz Sorry to hear your feeling down, Your kids are growing up and doing their own thing lets hope they keep doing their own thing. Just don't stop being there for them, keep up that contact no matter what, showing that you care and love them unconditionaly, That means more to kids than anything, Thats what my daughter tells me.

  I so agree with cognizant dissidant she's on the ball. RosePetal
• 

  Hadit

  I'm sorry - it really does suck, but hang in there! I have a teen with one parent out (me) and my husband still in. My son doesn't want to be with either of us all that much. At first I thought it was me because I'm the one who isn't on the right path but it's his dad as well. They need to find their own path. All we can do is be there for them, support them and give them unconditional love. We can help them to think and to question and to pay attention to what they see around them.

  It's a tough job for sure and very worrisome. Especially when we want them as far away from that cult as possible.

  All the best to you and your kids!
• 

  StAnn

  Oh, I remember those days. Once your teen gets a car, you disappear. Teens are really self-centered (generally) and are just enjoying their newfound freedom. I agree that now that your son has a job and a car, he's going to be meeting "worldly" people. Maybe they'll be a good influence on you!

  Regarding the daughter and her party, you could tell her that time with you is not optional. If she wants to go to the party on your time, she needs to learn to ask. Just let her and your ex- know that you're allowing her to go to the party but that she'll have to make up the time next weekend. This was what I had to do. Once you give a little, next time they'll want you to give more.

  The teen years suck.
• 

  Hadit

  The teen years suck.

  Amen to that! Their brains seemed far more intelligent at 7!

  Excellent point StAnn about making up the time next weekend. Kids need to know they can't just take and take and not give back.
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  Aussie Oz

  thats what i like about this board...we reach out with pain

  and there are always people to pick you up and say such wise things.

  Thankyou so much, you have influenced how i will handle this sort of thing, and how i will father.

  thankyou

  oz
• 

  elm

  Hi Aussie,

  You will always be important to your children because you are their Dad. Sometimes it feels like they are growing away from you but they are just growing up. Letting them grow up is hard ( I have 3 girls) but to keep them I had to let them go (hope that makes sense)

  My youngest daughter she is now 14 her Dad died of a heartattack 8 weeks before she was born he was 39 years old. I had no choice but to bring them up on my own, we had our fun times and lots of laughter, but we've also had hard times, and letting them go was the hard'est.

  I had at times felt like you that I was no longer important to them, that they did not need me anymore. I was of course wrong, this was just how I was feeling not them. Being teenager's is a new stage in their life, they are starting to grow their wings so to speak, and while their wings are unfolding they are going to sometimes get things right and sometimes make mistakes,and if we leave the door open for them they are going to keep walking through it... but giving teenager's to many rules and laying the law down too much shuts that door.

  Being a teenager as a JW is even worse, your wings are clipped and not allowed to unfold, too many rules and strict guiedlines, infact I felt I could'nt be a child or a teenager but a mini adult, so just be there for them with the door open and they will walk through

  all the best Liz