When I was a girl growing up, my mother always said that makeup was for old women and prostitutes. She never wore much makeup. I played around with makeup for awhile as a teen but once I grew up, it began to bother my conscience. I felt that a man could take a shower, shave, fix his hair, get dressed, and go out into the world without makeup. He didn't go to work and have people say, "Oh, you just look so washed out today! You need some blusher and lipstick!" No, we accept a man's face as it is and rarely even think about "accentuating" his features with makeup. Yet women aren't acceptable in many social settings unless they shower, shave legs, fix their hair, get dressed, and put on makeup. Many women don't feel that they can go out into the world without their "war paint" on. To me, this seemed sexist. It also seemed like there was an entire industry, mostly run by men, telling women that although men are good enough the way God made them, women are not. Women need augmentation, accentuation, they need to smooth out their complexion, etc. It seemed so wrong to spend money supporting an industry that existed to beat women down. So I quit wearing makeup altogether.
And I mean altogether. I didn't even wear makeup for my wedding. People are used to me without makeup and what I've generally heard over the years is that I have such good color that I don't need makeup and that I'm a "natural beauty."
Three weeks ago I had a birthday. I'm 47. My color isn't so good anymore. I don't think I can pass for a natural beauty anymore either. So I went out and bought makeup, the full gear. It's taken me three weeks to get up the nerve and a LOT of privacy but I just finished painting my face up for the first time in 20+ years.
And I look good.
I feel like such a sellout. My principles about not contributing to a system that undermines women went out the window when I began to age.
I guess my mother would see me as an Old Woman now.
I feel so guilty about looking so good because it's fake, it's not real!
And once I went to deliver something to my ex-husband at his workplace and when I walked through the door, clean faced, he said, "You just look so fresh and pretty." I'm bummed that age has robbed me of that.
Help me through my crisis, ladies!