moral support? :/

ana_dote

I know, I know...it's all part and parcel of the whole fading thing.....but....

I missed a phone call from an unknown number tonight....oddly enough, had this been a few months ago the number would have still been programmed in my phone. The number was to the Kingdom Hall I used to attend over a year ago. I have not set foot in it since probably late April, early May, of 2009. But tonight an elder called. Left a message saying they were "concerned" aboue me. They want to "talk". Fun little side note: Tuesday is their meeting night...which probably means that they most likely had a "short elders meeting" or at least some sort of conferencing suggesting that I be called. It could mean one of two things: 1) they actually are just checking up on me like the elders are "supposed" to do (yeah right)....or 2) someone has said something to them about me.

Since I left, I have been living my life freely. Not being ashamed to do what I choose to do. I have also since finally accepted my homosexuality and even "came out" to my father in June of this year. He, of course, gave me the speech about how I was going against God and nature and the Bible, but said that I was still his daughter and that he would still love me, which...coming from a JW is pretty much the best answer you could hope for.

For the first time in my life I feel like I am really being true to who I am and finally feel free and happy to be ME, instead of feeling a constant guilt and depression from not living up to the "society's" standards.

Obviously, I intend to ignore the message and avoid the situation for as long as possible. Not only do I despise confrontations, but I also know that I have nothing to say to the elders that they wouldn't use as ammunition to slap some sort of label on me (apostate, disassociated, disfellowshipped). If they succeed in labeling me, I could lose all I've worked so hard for with my family. Maybe I shouldn't care so much, but my family has never been close and I cherish even the littlest acceptance from them. Knowing they love me despite choosing a lifestyle they disapprove of means more than most could understand. These elders are threatening that bond we have finally established. I've already lost my sisters for the most part when I left in the first place. They don't talk to me. They don't want to. I'm a "danger" to them in their eyes (especially to the one who has kids). My parents have been the only ones that have not judged me in the shunning sense. And now these @$$holes want to f*ck with that.

Maybe I'm jumping the gun with this feeling of panic....but I can't help it. I kept hoping in disillusionment that this type of thing would not happen. I kept hoping they would just let me go. It's been 15 months. Why NOW?

:( this just has me really upset....I guess I'm not really looking for an answer or necessarily advice....but I would welcome any comments anyone has on this....

also...sorry for not having posted in a really long time....I guess I just haven't felt the need to come here as often as at the start of my departure from this cult.

i hate this. i hate f*uckin relgious politics.

JimmyPage

May this board be a soft pillow of comfort for you. We are all tired of the Watchtower's micro-managing intrusion into our lives.

nelly136

Left a message saying they were "concerned" about me. They want to "talk".

thats enough to make anyone feel like crap, if it was a friend doing the same call you would think aww bless.

Coffee House Girl

I can totally relate...

I left Sept 3 of 2009- after the initial shock of leaving- visits from elders wanting to know why and convince me to stay or write a letter da'ing myself wore off- I felt more free to live the lifestyle I wanted, started dating a wonderful man- I kept all this from my mom and dad because my mom is an uber JW and I knew that she would shun me like all the rest of my family did if I told her I have a man I live with (now engaged to). The silence went on for about six months & I thought they let me go...

Then the CO visit, then the calls began from the hall that the elders want to talk to me, that there is a situation that has come up that they are concerned about. I thought Shit...they aren't going to just let me go.

I have ignored their phone calls for the last co visit ( they quit after 3 sundays of calling from the hall). Another CO visit is due soon...thus I fear they will press the issue again.

I learned through other's experience on this site that they can DF me in absentia if I do not respond to them and they feel they have enough evidence (trial and execution without my testimony) This of course is total BS & after much thought I decided that I want them to DF me in absentia. Then when my mom asks me why I was DF'd I can say "I honestly do not know, they conducted the JC without me and made their decision without talking to me, if you want to shun me based on that, it is your decision."

I wish you luck....I am happy for you also that you feel free to live your life the way you want :) your happiness with that makes me firm in my resolve that I also am doing the right thing for me-

CHG

transhuman68

In the world to come they will not ask me, "Why were you not Moses?" They will ask me, "Why were you not Zusya?"
-Zusya of Hanipoli

Wise words from the rabbi. You might be df'd regardless of what you try to do, but at least you will have your integrity. Good luck.

I quit!

"This above all: to thine own self be true" You seem like a nice person people are going to love you for who you are so just be yourself. Don't worry about those will only love you if play the role they wish you to play.

StAnn

If you are living the life you want to live and are not going to go back to the Borg, there is no reason for you to respond to them at all. You've already cut your ties with the Borg. Just ignore them and move on. You are your own woman now and don't answer to them anymore.

ana_dote

thanks to all of you for responding...your words of encouragement help a lot

a very close friend of mine (also an ex-jw) actually just called me because he noticed something that actually helps put my mind at ease a little: Wednesday (today technically) is Sept 1st. A new "service year". According to custom and supposed guidelines, they are supposed to contact all "inactive" memebers once a year. It would make perfect sense that this was all that was. Meeting night fell on the last day of the service year, so they probably had a big old elders meeting discussing who was inactive according to their files and were probably just calling up a list of names. Since my publisher card never got transferred anywhere else, I would be on that list.

I sincerely hope that is the extent of the intent.

I would like to avoid the personal familial complications involved with being df'd, but if they want to df me in absentia, as was mentioned....then let them go for it. I liked what CHG said about being able to answer someone with "I don't know why they df'd me...they never told me..."

I think it's kind of funny though that they would even do such disfellowshipping.....isn't the whole purpose of that practice to "keep the congregation clean"? Well...if that person doesn't even try to BE a part of the congregation, haven't they already removed their "unwholesome influence" themselves? Trying to disfellowship them is just a power trip. They're not bothering you, so don't friggin bother them!

silly imbeciles....

zzaphod

Hi Ana, I`m glad that you have decided to live the life you choose, I`m sure things will be ALOT better without the JW guilt trip.

Happiness and Peace to you (that sounds a bit hippy for me, but I realy mean it!)

All the best

Paul UK

penny2

It could be that the CO's visit is coming up and they have to put in the appearance that they have been "shepherding the flock". In that case, if you manage to avoid them for a week or two, they may forget about you again and leave you in peace.

There used to be a custom (at least in my area) that if you hadn't been to meetings or identified yourself as a JW for over 12 months, you would not be pursued. But often it depends on the local elders.

Hope it goes well.

penny

moral support? :/

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