How do you *NOT* sound like an apostate...???

by AwSnap 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  AwSnap

  ....How do you *NOT* sound like an apostate when you live in the same small town as the family who is shunning you?? How frusterating and annoying. I hate when peope ask about my family (especially if they know any of them). Im not one to lie, but if it gets back to the jw's how I really feel, then I'm an "apostate". I've been honest to those who've asked and asked and asked. Finally, I say, "So&So is actually not speaking to me and hasnt for the past year. They believe I'm not living the way I should be living, and its part of their religion to shun me." (Which, by the way, I am living my life as boringly and wholesomely as the next good person, lol. I am also baptized, though not df'd or da'd and I celebrate holidays...something that I am not ashamed of)

  I seriously dont know how else to put it. I've thought of taking the high road and telling them that my family & I just havent spoken in awhile due to busy schedules. But thats BS. I'm actually thinking of sending an email to the family member(s) that is shunning me and ask them what I'm supposed to say. This is so idiotic.
• 

  ruruj

  How do you *NOT* sound like an apostate?

  Find your "closet" and "hide" there when you need to. Maintain your PURE LANGUAGE skills. But put Watchtower in the corner.

  But if the repression is too much for you, consider leaving JW homeland. If you can afford, then try seeking some professional help first; the ones you can sue for accountability. Don't consult the quack psychologists at the Kingdom Hall.

  Ready your "WT exit letter" to share with close friends and family, just in case you leave soon.

  Join Facebook and invite your close friends and family to your circle, that is if you're ready to leave Watchtower's control. Choose your friends wisely.

  Whatever your outcome, I wish you find happiness. I'm sure you'll find some helpful advice from a variety of people here at JWN.

  There is real life outside JW homeland.
• 

  AwSnap

  Hmmm, thanks ruruj
• 

  Quando

  "I was raised a JW and now that I am grown and done my own research I chose not to be a part of it, and they won't speak to me. If you see any of them give them my love"

  If your going to tell them they are shunning you because of religion make sure give a witness!

  The odds of it coming back around to your family are very slim, so I would not worry about it and at the end of the day it is there word against yours because words do get twisted the more they are spoke.

  Hope that helps and enjoy life
• 

  lisavegas420

  I'm actually thinking of sending an email to the family member(s) that is shunning me and ask them what I'm supposed to say. This is so idiotic.

  I was already thinking that same thing before I got to that sentance.

  You're are being honest.

  I told a friend this one time and he didn't believe any parent would do this. I gave him my parents number, he called them and told them that he was in charge of getting the High School Reunion together this year and they didn't have a current number or address for me. My mom told him I had moved and haven't given them my new address or number.

  I had moved away because my husband had been transfered years before, and I had called and sent my address and phone number to them numerous times though the years. My friend lived in the same town I had just moved from, where my parents lived, He knew where I had lived and my number although these years. He believed me then.

  lisa
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  I quit!

  You hit the nail on the head AwSnap. It is idiotic and there is nothing wrong with letting nonwitnesses know the game these poor brainwashed individuals play with their loved ones to please a book publishing cult. Some people who leave the Witnesses fall into the role the Watchtower expects them to play. That of a disfellowshipped or disassociated person. That role involves hiding from the general public what is really going on shielding the Watchtower and individual Witness from the bad PR they deserve. Don't let them get a way with it. If they want to act that way then let them pay the price. Deep down even they know how stupid their behavior looks to outsiders or they would be upfront about it and not lie about the situation like LisaVegas's mother did.
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  AwSnap

  I guess my question is "How do you not appear to be an apostate to the jw family when they hear what I've told 'worldly' folks".... Its just a lose lose. Well, regarding the jw's anyway. I love what you said, Quando. I am tempted to use that. The only problem is that I dont normally tell people that I used to be a jw, lol. Despite what jw's believe, it appears that NOBODY i talk to has any clue what the Witnesses are about besides not celebrating birthdays and Christmas.

  I agree that chances are slim that the words wont get back to the family. But I guess what sparked me thinking all of this is that I have extended non-jw family coming from across the U.S. to visit us. I've been trying to get my jw's to respond as to when a good time would be to hang out with the extended family (whom they've always been fine associating with). But I'm getting no return emails, phone calls, texts, ect. I only sent one email a week ago and then left a message yesterday morning. Im embarrassed for my extended family, and annoyed at the jws.

  So I sent an email to my aunt, stating that I cant get any return calls, and explained that I am not being included in the family. I was being very careful so that auntie wouldnt get overprotective of me and angry at the jws. I used cautious words so that, if it were to get back to the jw family, I wouldnt sound like an apostate.

  FIRST: How can they (jws) NOT see how someone would be angry at this behavior? And if they *can* see how someone would be angry, it infuriates me that they will resort to calling me an apostate (ok, jumping the gun here, although I'm fairly certain one member is spreading that word around)

  SECONDLY: I think I just dont give a shit about their feelings anymore. This is rediculous. I think I am seriously going to send the email and explain

  why they are about to be shunned by me.

  IQUIT: I believe YOU hit the nail on the head! Right on!
• 

  palmtree67

  ** Waves to AwSnap **

  How's your little antisocial self doing???

  ( hee hee )
• 

  nugget

  What you say to people is factually correct. If they feel uncomfortable about being confronted with the shunning procedure they should not engage in it.

  I say to others that since I no longer attend meetings so & so prefers not to have anything to do to me. It is standard procedure for this religion and although I live by Bible principles the religion they follow requires all healthy members to regularly attend to remain in good standing.

  It is a shame because family is very important but shunning is used liberally by JWs to enforce rules. I look forward to a time when they can respect my choices as I respect theirs.

  Don't feel too bad JWs are sensitive to anyone saying anything off program it is pretty difficult to say anything critical. They are also told that critical talk is a red flag. I would say leave them to make their own choices and behave as they choose. Be proud of your own. We have gone from fear to acceptance and feel better for it.
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  exwhyzee

  They believe I'm not living the way I should be living, and it's part of their religion to shun me.

  Your answer sounds just fine...it's true and simple and it doesn't sound like you are trying to make them appear bad, your just saying it like it is.

  Perhaps a brief email to your family telling them that from time to time you are asked how they are all doing. Tell them that to avoid making anyone uncomfortable you simply avoid the question or just say that you've been busy lately and haven't heard from the family recently. Then tell your family that unless they have a better suggestion, your answer from now on will be....(insert your above comment)